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Em

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  • in reply to: A Different Perspective #189077
    Em
    Participant

    Thank you for this.

    My cons are from fear. I worry about my children and their well-being; I’ve read and witnessed the potentially negative impacts the separation may have on our children – they weren’t given a choice. Fear that I had not yet given my all towards the repair of the relationship. A lot of “what ifs” to consider. This decision isn’t one I make likely due to the many lives it impacts.

    That being said, I’m confident now that I have given it my all. I did love him unconditionally or should I say conditionally? What I mean is, I didn’t expect him to provide me anything physically, financially, or materialistically – whatever he was capable of giving me I gladly embraced. The only thing I desperately needed was his trust, respect and support. Perhaps my love is conditional; how does one change that…?

    I wrote a separation agreement, 50/50 everything: time, money, kids, and debt. I think that’s fair to him, to myself, to our relationship. I watched his reaction as I told him, his eyes betrayed his facade – he was hurt, I felt hurt and sad that I hurt him. He didn’t want to sign the agreement nor does he want to now, but that’s not within my control any more.

    I still love him and I will still be there for him – no matter what; I just don’t see him as my life partner.

    Will I ever find a life partner? Silly question.

    in reply to: A Different Perspective #182583
    Em
    Participant

    Hey anita,

    I’m conflicted about whether to separate or not.

    Pros:

    – I won’t feel tied down

    – he will know where we stand in the relationship

    – I can leave if I needed to

    Cons:

    – he’ll be hurt, really hurt

    – it might make the situation worse due to bitter feelings

    – he might ignore the terms we agree to causing more turmoil

    That’s all I can think of for now. I don’t know if a change is going to fix anything. I’m unhappy but I don’t let that affect the children and I don’t take it out on him. We just go about our day doing what we need to. I feel guilty for wanting to separate. I won’t abandon him, I’ll still support him as best as I can but I don’t want to be tied to him as a lover any more. We aren’t lovers. We’re just two family members trying to live life as best as we know how.

    in reply to: A Different Perspective #182579
    Em
    Participant

    Thanks so much for replying.

    I don’t argue with DH anymore… maybe once a month at most. We essentially shadows living under the same roof with a platonic relationship.

    We are happy around the kids, but other than that we have nothing to talk about.

    He was a stay at home parent when he was laid off – it was very stressful for me because things just werent getting done at home and I didnt have time after doing OT and getting hours. If it wasn’t for my mom, I wouldn’t have been able to do it.

    He is very kind and has some sense of responsibility. Very good to the kids. I am very conflicted.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)