Dear Anita,

{{You adopted the following diagnoses/ labels as possibilities or truth about you: Misophania, Autism/ Asperger, and Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I believe you were not born with any of these conditions. Symptoms included in these diagnoses and the label of HSP developed in your person as a result of a troubling childhood that you experienced by the age of 4 and ongoing, after that age.}}

Where does your information come from, Anita? I am interested to go to that source. The importance of the diagnoses is fading fast, as I am re-creating myself and there is no diagnosis that is ‘in concrete.’ But I would like to know your source.

{{You wrote: “Later in life when I asked my father if he knew of any incident at birth which could be connected with the syndrome, he wrote that from birth I screamed angrily. It seems I was just plain mad to be in a human body.” I challenge your father’s answer to your question. I suggest that as a new born you cried no different than any other baby. It was not your anger that your father detected in your crying, it was his anger that he projected into the baby-Gary. I suggest he was angry watching and hearing you cry.}}

Dad wrote that as he was watching all the new-borns in the hospital ward, I was red-faced and screaming above all the other babies. A priest standing next to him point to me and said, ‘that’s an ornery one, isn’t it?’ Dad said his thought was, ‘That’s my son.’ I know that sharing this personally online may not be wise. I am going to revise the way I write in the future.

{{I am also suggesting that your sensitivity to noises: “noises like eating, drinking, sniffing, whistling, spoon clanking, paper rustling, yawning, etc.” is not a neurological condition you were born with, but a result of trauma by the age of 4 and ongoing. Here is a scenario that I am imagining and letting my creative thinking take me, but as creative as I make it, I think it is more likely true than that you were born with the conditions you listed….Your father is an angry man, a quietly angry man. You can tell he is angry by the way he looks at you. Everyone in the family is afraid of his anger, walking on eggshells. The family is sitting for dinner, but there is no calm in the get together. The dinner is eerily quiet. In that tense, threatening silence, no one is talking, or the few words said, like “Please pass me the salt”, are said in curt, angry tone by your father as the others comply. In that silence the sounds of “eating, drinking… spoon clanking” are magnified in your ears. At other times in the home, you hear loudly any sound, because you are on alert. Your father’s anger is threatening, because when someone is angry, he/ she may attack, so you don’t know when that will happen. }}

Sorry, this does not fit in any way with my experience. Does it come from your own life memories?

{{Alert, every sound is magnified and you are perpetually preparing yourself to protect yourself from the danger of his to-be-actualized anger. Alone in your fear, not adequately connected to a parent, you withdraw.}}

It is a scenario, but one that does not come from my life. My parents were both caring, loving and devoted to the family. Dad and I had difficulty connecting during my turbulent teens when I rebelled against society.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Gary R. Smith.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Gary R. Smith.

Joe,

I have published the above inter-action between you and me on the Whole Human site but haven’t had time to dress it up. It is at http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/realizations-blog/room-for-new-thinking-to-flow

Still will work some of our other dialogues into blog posts and give you the links.

At any time if you don’t feel well with my blog post including your name and writing, or would like to change or add something, please let me know.

Dear Anita,

“Would you like my input about your personal sharing, your story? I think you asked the reader to share about his/ her triggers and reactions, not about the reader’s thoughts about your sharing about your triggers and reactions. Am I correct?”

Please write your input about my personal sharing as you feel.

Thank you for sharing about your triggers, as it gives me another window into you and your life.

{{Your message is then, that a whole human, evolved is being a Human Being, not a Human Doing. Attending to the moment, being mindful, not reacting to “lower feelings” or “negative feelings”- anger from irritation to rage, I suppose; hurt, sadness, I suppose. And instead adopting the “higher/Positive/ evolved feelings like humility, curiosity, peace and such.}}

Anita, I have no message as such but like ‘a whole human, evolved is being a Human Being, not a Human Doing.’ and have used the same phrase in communication.

{{Gaining emotional mastery then, is switching from the lower to the higher. Am I correct so far, in a nut shell?}}

Well, there we go again with lower and higher. I avoid those terms, using them only when it feels necessary to be clear in meaning since emotions and feelings are commonly equated.

{{Talking about nuts, the ground squirrel, he/she going after the popcorn in the yurt, that is a lower feeling? The hunger and motivation to get to the popcorn?}}

The squirrel is self-actualized as a squirrel. He/she is acting upon the instincts that are part of its natural design. I have not facilitated a circle of squirrels to learn more, but sense that squirrel-kind has no need or potential to evolve consciously.

Dear Anita,

{{Staying in a yurt in Yosemite Park? pretty cool.}}

I am grateful, even for the ground squirrel which keeps raiding the yurt, knocking cups off the shelf and breaking them. It is rustling around now, trying to get into the bread container, and is persistent. Yosemite is magnificent grandeur, emanating the presence of Nature in a way I choose to emanate. I feel far from that ideal yet know it is close at hand.

{{I appreciate your attention to my post to you, evident in length and thoroughness. I also appreciate your attention and respect that you extend to other members. I value this, as well as the assertiveness you exhibited when needed.}}

Anita, my own writing often sounds strange and stiff to me shortly after I post. I feel today to un-publish much of the Whole Human site for that reason and also to allow the new to emerge. Words quickly ‘solidify’ and real life is a flow. I appreciate your kind comment.

{{My thoughts following reading your reply: there are so many, many people suffering so greatly (as I have most of my life) that choosing “higher feelings” over distressing emotions, or emotions stuck in knots, not flowing freely is a very attractive prospect, very desirable. Problem is when people are overly distressed, they can’t do this, not for long. When the Inner Critic (the Freudian Superego) torments the person with its cruel ongoing commentary (“You are a loser” is an example of such ongoing input), the person can’t take on the higher feelings for long. Especially since a good period of time is followed by challenges and the Inner Critic magnify its volume and frequency of input.}}

I know exactly what you are saying! Thank you for sharing this “realness.” The squirrel is distracting me some, it is harder to find words. But I hear the energy and intent of your writing and have considered this over the years. People who are struggling to survive, or to maintain their own internal balance, are not often ready to hear about higher feelings. I have in mind to share some more of my challenges with triggers and reactions in a new discussion, and over time would enjoy to get to know more about your life, whenever you choose to share naturally.

{{Your quest to end suffering, to promote a human mental evolution to stop suffering and focus on the “higher feelings” is admirable. Buddhism, as I understand it, is based on this very quest of stopping suffering (The Noble Truths).}}

Yes, and Buddhism was founded about 2500 years ago. What impact has it had on the whole of humanity? Still, I feel changes are already underway and humankind has a window of opportunity to make a leap of evolution. Perhaps the greatest contribution I can make is to work on myself and live my own words in daily action.

{{Your quest, as I understand it, there is something to it that I feel but can’t verbalize now.}}

All through my teens into my forties I identified myself as a spiritual seeker and seeker of the highest truth, whatever that may be. I have revised that and copy some from the Whole Human About page to say more:

“Like the Wizard of Earthsea at the end of his adventures, I am done with doing. I have no agenda, goals or ambitions. Being done with doing does not mean that practical actions end. It changes the way of doing. In the practice of being a whole human, there is no doing — there is only acting in the flow.

“For me, the goal-setting, ‘To Do’ lists and measuring a day by a sense of productivity and accomplishment have ended. I am far more interested in the quality of attention I give to the moment. My days are full and rewarding. Living a meditative (mindful, present) life is the whole human way. It is applied to every moment, every breath, every action. My primary focus and passion are to experience being a whole human.

“In this, I am a living laboratory, making myself more self-aware each day and experimenting with ways to consciously bring my body/mind to balance and embody the eternal qualities.

“There is no greater gift I could give to myself or the world, and my enthusiasm and joy towards conscious evolution is unbounded.

“I practice what I write, and revise the writing from what I learn.”

{{I wonder how it can apply to the millions and millions of people tormented by a part of themselves, that mental entity I referred to as the (abusive) Inner Critic.}}

We will see how the mystery unfolds. All I know is that the squirrel found the popcorn.

Warmly,

Gary

Dear Anita,

{{It seems to me, and clarify this point to me, if you’d like, simply so that I can understand; it seems to me that dividing emotions or feelings (I use them here interchangeably, and I mean fear, anger, hurt, shame, joy and the many variances of these) is not a useful division or categorizing. I think this categorizing of feelings is counter productive to the goal of emotional mastery.}}

I appreciate that you share this with me, and am always ready to re-examine how I see things. I agree in general and especially in this field that labeling, analyzing, categorizing or dividing is not the ultimate and usually is counter-productive. The blog post “WHAT ARE EMOTIONS, FEELINGS AND E-QUALITIES?” ends with “These delineations are useful for practice, but ultimately un-needed. There is one consciousness — one being — and life is a mystery unfolding. All that is needed is to listen deeply and act in the flow.”

By practice, I mean as a place to start. It has been helpful for me, and when my practice is well rooted I will be glad to let go of the categorizing. It may not be the way for others. I am sharing what works for me, as it evolves.

{{Every single feeling we have has a valid message that we need to attend to. And so every single feeling is neither lower, inferior, unimportant OR higher, superior, important. When you label a feeling as a “lower feeling” regardless of the whole of what you mean by this term, the word in itself “lower” indicates inferiority.}}

Yes, this agrees with what I wrote, “To clarify, since the words ’emotions’ and ‘feelings’ are commonly used inter-changeably, I distinguish them by ‘lower’ and ‘higher.’ They are not lower and higher in value, quality or morality, but in frequency. I don’t refer to emotions as negative and positive, as that does not feel accurate. Emotions are energies in motion which serve the purpose of bridging to the higher feelings. Left unattended, emotions can stagnate and solidify in the body/mind. When having a dialogue with people who agree, I simply write emotions, feelings and eternal qualities.”

The last sentence may not have been in my response, because I copied it from the blog document rather than from the updated online version. It is saying that I only use lower and higher to communicate, since common usage inter-changes emotions and feelings as though they are the same. Quotes below as examples.

{{As you respond to this very post here, please pay attention to my request: try to have a “beginner’s mind” when processing my point and instead of repeating what you already processed before my reply, think of it as if you never considered it before. Give new thinking an opportunity to be formed, from scratch.}}

Anita, lately I have been continually giving new thinking a chance to form, from scratch. If I were to revise my writing as frequently as new thinking forms, it would seem I’d be forever editing my words. For example, today I drove into Yosemite National Park with my partner and we talked the entire way about my discussion with Joe. New insights and realizations were coming faster to both of us than I could write them down.

The quotes below give examples of how the words emotions and feelings are used inter-changeably. I feel that to communicate clearly, understanding them as distinct from each other is more useful.

“Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you.” – Joel Osteen

“If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days.” – Kris Carr

“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.” – Gretchen Rubin

“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.” – Carl Jung

“I don’t display emotions. I have every feeling that everyone else has, but I’ve developed ways to suppress them. Anger is one of my most comfortable feelings.” – Curtis Jackson

“I believe that curiosity, wonder and passion are defining qualities of imaginative minds and great teachers; that restlessness and discontent are vital things; and that intense experience and suffering instruct us in ways that less intense emotions can never do.” – Kay Redfield Jamison

“We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict.” – Jim Morrison

“Do not give in too much to feelings. A overly sensitive heart is an unhappy possession on this shaky earth.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

(Brainy Quotes)

The last four quotes are included as examples of views differing from mine. Curtis Jackson uses the words ’emotions’ and ‘feelings’ inter-changeably, and Jim Morrison and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe equate feelings to emotions. Kay Redfield Jamison says intense suffering instructs us.

My sense is that humanity has an opportunity in its evolution and in the global shift of consciousness, to no longer need restlessness and discontent or intense suffering. There is another way. Instead of being driven by emotions, be powered by higher feelings.

Joe,

You have done me a great service. I consider myself to be very open-minded, tolerant and inclusive, yet your response made clear a blind spot in me. How can any of us be aware of what we are not aware of?

In a direct and kind way, your post gave me a mirror to see where I was still closed in my heart. I will never judge by appearance as I have before, and am determined that on first encounters I will see people neutrally, and enter the place in myself where I can see their inner goodness — rather than placing any importance on their outer way of meeting the world.

Until today, when I saw people with dyed hair, facial piercings, tattoos and black clothing, my automatic reaction was to separate myself from them. My thoughts might have been, ‘Why would a person do that to themselves?’ or ‘That person has low self esteem.’ Such reactions can be very subtle, almost beneath awareness. And that happened in me without my knowing who the person really is!

I like the lines in the Avatar movie where the two main characters say to each other, ‘I see you.’ They saw beneath the skin to the essence of the other.

Joe, you are a person I would be attracted to sit and talk with, to know you.

I’ve also realized from your response that my discussion start is not about religion at all, but about the emotions around it. Any regrets (regrets are not supportive of emotional mastery, but they arise) I have felt regarding myself as a religious person have to do first with the *way* in which I was religious. I was pious, self-righteous and cocky. But it was my stage of un-development, not the religion, which brought that behavior out of me. And not everyone who is religious is as un-developed as I was.

Belief systems in general, I have found, put a person’s power and authority outside themselves. Dogmas do not contribute to real self-empowerment or self-mastery, and hold one back from self-development, from growing into a whole human. That is why I had to leave a 25 year marriage and change my life, to be true to myself. One of my sayings in those years of transition before 2000, when meeting people who tried to impose their beliefs, was “I respect your right to your beliefs and choices, and am true to mine.”

On the other hand, religious belief can give comfort and nurture in a stage of a person’s life, and opportunities for learning and growing. I’ve recently met religious people who are beautiful souls, grounded, growing, with open minds and hearts, sharing and caring. I would not think that they would do better to be or do anything else than what they are — not that I’d have any business having any thoughts about their lives. I would say their religious beliefs are working for them, and everyone has their own path.

“…. I don’t pretend to have answers to things like the meaning or life or what happens after death because I genuinely don’t have answers to those things. I have realized that not knowing, and relinquishing the need to be in the know is both humbling and liberating.”

“…. Sometimes we do discuss things to do with a particular faith but the conversation never talked about personal beliefs or challenging each others beliefs. Generally, personal beliefs and boundaries are respected.”

“However, I have came across certain individuals with religious beliefs who represent what I think is ugly about religion. I have met people who are religious, who were outspoken and had some really forthright views on homosexuality. I understand that people are entitled to their own opinion but I generally don’t like overtly homophobic people as many of my best friends are a part of the LGBT community, and I just don’t like discrimination.”

“…. I don’t wish to challenge peoples beliefs or be rude to them but when I come across missionaries in the street who try to hand me a tract, I will respectfully decline and walk away.”

“…. I don’t want to judge people in a negative way because nobody is perfect, but at the same time if people are going to act in a way that contradicts what they preach, I have no time or respect for people like that.”

“…. Not many people took too kindly to these postings, this person perceived this as a personal attack and started playing the martyr.”

“…. Maybe this woman didn’t want to visit the site you were talking about for fear she would encounter some people who exhibit these negative traits and put themselves on pedestals…”

“…. I don’t follow any religion but I personally think religion is supposed to be positive, life-affirming, respectful towards all others and placing an emphasis on love and peace.”

Joe, how would you feel about my writing our dialogue here into a blog post on the Whole Human site? There is no expectation on this end, and I trust the question does not put you on the spot.

Thank you again for writing in such an honest and positive, well-rounded way.

Gary
Whole Human Blog – http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/realizations-blog