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Why Fear Religion?

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  • April 28, 2016 at 2:07 pm #103047
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    Recently a visitor to the Whole Human web site commented to the effect that she couldn’t support it because ‘the site has religion on it.’

    This has bemused and befuddled my human sprout aspect, because the site is painstakingly religion-free. Some people seem to not take time to read the context and think they understand the content. I have done that myself.

    Theophobia reminds me of a workshop participant in the 90s who exhibited the same aversion when she told me she had a t-shirt printed with ‘Jesus, save me from your followers.’

    I’ve encountered this phobia [1] over the years and experienced it myself.

    I was raised Catholic, rebelled against the church and practiced Buddhism and metaphysics in my teens, rebounded from the death of my brother into Christianity in my 20s, and freed myself from that self-imprisonment in my 40s. The process was so painful that for years I had a strong aversion to anything religious. I often said, ‘I practice having no beliefs’ until someone responded, ‘Even that is a belief.’

    I question it is possible for a partial human to have no beliefs. The sunglasses of our filtered perceptions are built-in.

    However, in my experience it is more joyful and fulfilling to be integrative of all the sunglasses people wear than to be fearful and exclusive towards differing beliefs.

    I am thankful that my experience as a religious person has deepened my compassion as a non-religious person. For example, in a recent encounter with a 93 year old man who ministered for 70 years and, being lonely, wanted to talk, rather than brush him off I asked within, ‘What is Life saying to me?’ and listened kindly and without conflict.

    Science is also a belief system — a rigid dogma which mis-thinks that it can understand the whole by analyzing the parts. It has its place and value, but is not complete in itself as a way of seeing.

    Non-religious and non-dogmatic as I am, when a visitor to the site says she cannot support it because it has religion on it, the ‘seeker of understanding’ in me gets turned on.

    Does anyone have thoughts or insights on why people fear religion or ways of seeing that differ from their own? How can this be brought into emotional mastery?

    Thank you for reading.

    Gary
    http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/

    [1] ‘…. However, an unhealthy, persistent or irrational fear of God is a specific phobia that can cause a great deal of distress to the sufferer and his loved ones. This phobia is known by several names, such as fear of God, fear of religion and theophobia.’

    ‘…. As is the case with most phobias, theophobia also originates in the unconscious mind: it links emotions experienced under certain situations. A real-life childhood experience: bad grades, death of a loved one following a bad conduct might be linked to “God’s wrath or bad karma”. Mild cases of childhood theophobia generally go away by the age of six. However, some persist well into adulthood.’

    http://www.fearof.net

    April 28, 2016 at 3:28 pm #103060
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gary:

    Glad you started another thread and here you shared personal experiences in your life for the first time on this website, I believe.

    I did write to you in your first thread that I don’t support religion. I don’t know if I wrote the following as well, but I will write it here: I will not discuss religion either: not the traditional religions nor the New Age religions.

    Hence, respectfully, I will skip to your other threads and leave this one for those who are willing to respond to this interesting topic.

    anita

    April 29, 2016 at 6:39 am #103099
    Joe
    Participant

    @emanatepresence

    I wasn’t brought up or raised to have religious beliefs – my parents decided not to have me or my siblings christened because they thought it would be hypocritical as they are not religious, and they have always said that if we do decide to choose any religious path, we could make that decision when we were older. In my teens I read a lot about things like spirituality, religion and parapsychology – I like to think I am still open-minded about those things, indeed I am still fascinated but I identify as agnostic. I don’t pretend to have answers to things like the meaning or life or what happens after death because I genuinely don’t have answers to those things. I have realised that not knowing, and relinquishing the need to be in the know is both humbling and liberating.

    “Does anyone have thoughts or insights on why people fear religion or ways of seeing that differ from their own? How can this be brought into emotional mastery?”

    I have been friends/still am friends with many people from different faiths or no faith at all – ardent atheists, agnostics, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Pagan/Wiccan, Jehovah’s Witness, Seventh Day Adventist etc – in fact, most of the time we hardly ever discuss theological matters. Sometimes we do discuss things to do with a particular faith but the conversation never talked about personal beliefs or challenging each others beliefs. Generally, personal beliefs and boundaries are respected.

    However, I have came across certain individuals with religious beliefs who represent what I think is ugly about religion. I have met people who are religious, who were outspoken and had some really forthright views on homosexuality. I understand that people are entitled to their own opinion but I generally don’t like overtly homophobic people as many of my best friends are a part of the LGBT community, and I just don’t like discrimination.

    I also seem to have a problem with street preachers who, upon spotting me are quick to try and talk to me and give me one of their tracts. I suspect this is based on my appearance (dyed hair, facial piercings, tattoos, black clothing) – they must use my appearance as a prompt to judge my musical tastes and outlook on life and one even approached me and asked “Do you listen to heavy metal music?” I could tell this was going to lead to a lecture on how all people who listen to metal are satanists, all goths are devil worshippers, you’re going to hell unless you repent…I don’t even listen to heavy metal, I prefer the more slow, chilled out electronic kind of music and I don’t even label myself as being a goth…For them to make ignorant judgements based on my appearance (when the bible states “Judge not lest ye be judged”), I just find that kind of thing annoying. I don’t wish to challenge peoples beliefs or be rude to them but when I come across missionaries in the street who try to hand me a tract, I will respectfully decline and walk away.

    I’ve also came across people who I find to be openly religious yet quite hypocritical – some of them were happy to openly discuss their beliefs in a matter-of-fact way, trying to challenge another person’s atheism, being critical about other religions and displaying the same level of ignorance towards me based on my appearance as discussed earlier (assuming I’m a devil worshipper), but they didn’t really act in a religious manner – they were borderline alcoholics, they took drugs and professed to visiting strip clubs and having sex with prostitutes. I don’t want to judge people in a negative way because nobody is perfect, but at the same time if people are going to act in a way that contradicts what they preach, I have no time or respect for people like that.

    With regards to the question at hand, I guess some people nowadays equate religion with the quite negative aspects of religion – guilt, shame, sin, fire and brimstone. Not too long ago we had a user on this forum (shall remain nameless) who exhibited these rather judgemental traits when posting about things like preparing for the armageddon – this person just behaved in a rather pious manner. Not many people took too kindly to these postings, this person perceived this as a personal attack and started playing the martyr.

    I think this aspect of religion puts people off and alienates them. I think I can read about or listen to other peoples beliefs and belief systems in quite an objective manner but I still recoil away from the “fire and brimstone” element – part of me sometimes thinks about this kind of thing, sometimes I fear and wonder if what they are preaching about is true. Maybe this woman didn’t want to visit the site you were talking about for fear she would encounter some people who exhibit these negative traits and put themselves on pedestals…

    To sum up – I am okay with people with beliefs, I am fascinated by beliefs and I don’t like the idea of deliberately offending or challenging another person’s beliefs, but at the same time I don’t engage in theological debates and I generally avoid people I perceive to be self-righteous. I want to believe in peaceful co-existence between those with different faiths or no faith at all. I don’t follow any religion but I personally think religion is supposed to be positive, life-affirming, respectful towards all others and placing an emphasis on love and peace.

    An interesting topic indeed!

    Joe

    April 29, 2016 at 9:45 am #103118
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    Joe,

    You have done me a great service. I consider myself to be very open-minded, tolerant and inclusive, yet your response made clear a blind spot in me. How can any of us be aware of what we are not aware of?

    In a direct and kind way, your post gave me a mirror to see where I was still closed in my heart. I will never judge by appearance as I have before, and am determined that on first encounters I will see people neutrally, and enter the place in myself where I can see their inner goodness — rather than placing any importance on their outer way of meeting the world.

    Until today, when I saw people with dyed hair, facial piercings, tattoos and black clothing, my automatic reaction was to separate myself from them. My thoughts might have been, ‘Why would a person do that to themselves?’ or ‘That person has low self esteem.’ Such reactions can be very subtle, almost beneath awareness. And that happened in me without my knowing who the person really is!

    I like the lines in the Avatar movie where the two main characters say to each other, ‘I see you.’ They saw beneath the skin to the essence of the other.

    Joe, you are a person I would be attracted to sit and talk with, to know you.

    I’ve also realized from your response that my discussion start is not about religion at all, but about the emotions around it. Any regrets (regrets are not supportive of emotional mastery, but they arise) I have felt regarding myself as a religious person have to do first with the *way* in which I was religious. I was pious, self-righteous and cocky. But it was my stage of un-development, not the religion, which brought that behavior out of me. And not everyone who is religious is as un-developed as I was.

    Belief systems in general, I have found, put a person’s power and authority outside themselves. Dogmas do not contribute to real self-empowerment or self-mastery, and hold one back from self-development, from growing into a whole human. That is why I had to leave a 25 year marriage and change my life, to be true to myself. One of my sayings in those years of transition before 2000, when meeting people who tried to impose their beliefs, was “I respect your right to your beliefs and choices, and am true to mine.”

    On the other hand, religious belief can give comfort and nurture in a stage of a person’s life, and opportunities for learning and growing. I’ve recently met religious people who are beautiful souls, grounded, growing, with open minds and hearts, sharing and caring. I would not think that they would do better to be or do anything else than what they are — not that I’d have any business having any thoughts about their lives. I would say their religious beliefs are working for them, and everyone has their own path.

    “…. I don’t pretend to have answers to things like the meaning or life or what happens after death because I genuinely don’t have answers to those things. I have realized that not knowing, and relinquishing the need to be in the know is both humbling and liberating.”

    “…. Sometimes we do discuss things to do with a particular faith but the conversation never talked about personal beliefs or challenging each others beliefs. Generally, personal beliefs and boundaries are respected.”

    “However, I have came across certain individuals with religious beliefs who represent what I think is ugly about religion. I have met people who are religious, who were outspoken and had some really forthright views on homosexuality. I understand that people are entitled to their own opinion but I generally don’t like overtly homophobic people as many of my best friends are a part of the LGBT community, and I just don’t like discrimination.”

    “…. I don’t wish to challenge peoples beliefs or be rude to them but when I come across missionaries in the street who try to hand me a tract, I will respectfully decline and walk away.”

    “…. I don’t want to judge people in a negative way because nobody is perfect, but at the same time if people are going to act in a way that contradicts what they preach, I have no time or respect for people like that.”

    “…. Not many people took too kindly to these postings, this person perceived this as a personal attack and started playing the martyr.”

    “…. Maybe this woman didn’t want to visit the site you were talking about for fear she would encounter some people who exhibit these negative traits and put themselves on pedestals…”

    “…. I don’t follow any religion but I personally think religion is supposed to be positive, life-affirming, respectful towards all others and placing an emphasis on love and peace.”

    Joe, how would you feel about my writing our dialogue here into a blog post on the Whole Human site? There is no expectation on this end, and I trust the question does not put you on the spot.

    Thank you again for writing in such an honest and positive, well-rounded way.

    Gary
    Whole Human Blog – http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/realizations-blog

    April 29, 2016 at 10:54 am #103122
    Joe
    Participant

    Gary

    When people do things like dye their hair or whatever – I guess they are putting themselves in a position where people are going to judge them. I have been judged and mocked many times for my hair style and clothing choices but I just take it with a grain of salt – here in England, dyed hair and piercings are more common but generally speaking, dressing as a goth/punk/rocker/what have you isn’t cool or fashionable – I don’t even wear any of the more “extreme” clothes or fashions associated with any of those styles, I just wear plain regular-fitting clothing and for some reason that makes me instantly identifiable as part of those subcultures and the negative stereotypes associated with them. I’m kind of stuck with the tattoos I have, and people are entitled to their opinion about tattoos, but I love tattoos (I will probably have more), I love piercings and I love blue hair (well I’ve since shaved all my hair off so it’s back to my natural colour). I am able to do those things at this point in my life because I am self-employed and I have no dress codes to follow. I’m generally relaxed about appearances but as I’m in the process of planning to live and work abroad as an English teacher again, I know I will need to cover up my tattoos and take the piercings out.

    I agree that religious belief can be comforting and empowering – I understand that from my response earlier I went into a great detail about some of the negative aspects about religion but there is still a lot from religious and spiritual teaching that I admire and respect – love, mutual respect, valuing life, uplifting others etc. Like I said before, I have been friends with people from all faiths or no faiths at all and they are some of the nicest, down to earth, selfless, open-minded, non-judgemental souls I have encountered. When the conversation was about religion or their particular beliefs, I just listened with fascination – they didn’t try to tell me what I should be believing in.

    From reading about or listening to other beliefs and tenets, I often think to myself – is there any practical use I can take from these tenets that I could apply to my agnostic mindset? Could I grow from this? Anything that won’t point me in a particular direction as such, just something I could enrich my life with, and hopefully enrich the lives of those I care about. For example – some religions place an importance on gratitude, that is definitely something I want to incorporate into my life. I have no real use for things like ritual and I am not much for meditation – I know those things aren’t exclusively religious but my preferred method for meditation is to go for a long walk, where I am able to really think about what my goals are. Repeating my goals and the envisioned final outcome is what keeps me focused – I don’t believe in the law of attraction and I know the result isn’t going to manifest out the ether but having an image to work with gives me the momentum I need to accomplish my goal. Maybe I won’t be successful, maybe the final result will be different than I expected, I can’t control that but the important thing is I strive for that goal.

    It was my absolute pleasure Gary, I do hope you will stick around and post more! I am okay with you using our dialogue for your blog post – please do show me once you have publised it.

    Thanks 😀

    Joe

    May 3, 2016 at 12:56 pm #103475
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    Hi Joe,

    {{It was my absolute pleasure Gary, I do hope you will stick around and post more! I am okay with you using our dialogue for your blog post – please do show me once you have published it.}}

    The dialogue between us, Joe, is now published on the Whole Human site at http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/realizations-blog/room-for-new-thinking-to-flow. I just added a new photo, of Fern Spring, to the blog post.

    The spring speaks of letting go of the old to allow the new to flow. As you may have read in my posts on Tiny Buddha, I unpublished most of the Whole Human site on May 1. New writing is flow in faster than I can write it. Without giving it any thought, I awakened at about 4 in the morning and was so full of words they nearly bubbled out of me. That was written into the post, ‘What does fear serve?’

    Are you up for some private communication? I was an active participant on Collective Evolution until their platform was discontinued – there, we could send each other private messages. I have not found that function on Tiny Buddha. Please let me know if you would like that connection.

    Best regards,

    Gary

    May 3, 2016 at 2:18 pm #103483
    Joe
    Participant

    Gary

    Wow, what an amazing photo! I hope I get to see some amazing things like this in the future – I intend to travel and work as I travel.

    Sure, I’m up for private communication – how are we going to do this?

    Joe

    May 3, 2016 at 2:41 pm #103486
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    You will see amazing things, Joe.

    In 15 years since 2000 I have packed up and moved 45 times between the States, South America, Europe and the South Pacific. Once reduced all I owned to what I could carry in a backpack and hitch-hiked through New Zealand. Was robbed on the Canary Islands (a great lesson for gaining emotional maturity – may tell the story sometime) and lived in homeless shelters. Worked as a caregiver, house parent and therapeutic parent to seniors, adults with developmental disabilities and autism, and at-risk youth. Did work exchange on remote farm communities on La Palma, in Ecuador and in the Kipahulu rain forest on Maui. Taught English at a Gymnasium (middle school) in Bavaria – a great experience. When you travel, I’d love to stay in contact. And if your travels bring you nearby where I am, I would enjoy to meet you.

    My email address is emanatepresence at live dot com. If you like e-mail, would you drop me a note? Or you can use the contact form on the Whole Human site to reach me.

    As a self-serving side note, I am in the middle of changing over my way of thinking about emotions and emotional mastery/maturity. It would be very helpful to bounce some ideas off you before I post as you have a well-rounded and well-grounded way of seeing. But only if you feel well with it, and I imagine you’d say.

    Gary

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