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What does emotional mastery look like?

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  • #102845
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    When emotional mastery moves from theory to practice, from words to actions, how does it look?

    How is a person who has mastered their emotions recognized?

    What is the highest standard of emotional mastery you can imagine or envision?

    What are its characteristics, it attributes, how does it look in everyday life?

    Thank you for responding.

    Gary
    ‘Being a Whole Human’

    #102846
    Spehar
    Participant

    I feel this would fall into the category of self actualization: A good lifetime goal for anybody who would like to complete themselves to there own satisfaction while maintaining a constant flow of giving back to society, and the people they love and care about. How it looks in every day life would vary state to state, country to country, etc etc. If and when I get there I might have a better explanation.

    #102847
    anita
    Participant

    Dear emanatepresnece:

    my answers to Your questions:

    1) “When emotional mastery moves from theory to practice, from words to actions, how does it look?” Emotional mastery doesn’t have a look. It doesn’t look like any particular thing.

    2) “How is a person who has mastered their emotions recognized?” A person who mastered his/ her emotions cannot be recognized. A person trying to look like he mastered his emotions, a guru type. And when such a person recognizes a person looking for a guru, there is a match.

    3) “What is the highest standard of emotional mastery you can imagine or envision?” A personal standard, highly personal. Not something to show off like a new car or a college degree.

    4) “What are its characteristics, it attributes, how does it look in everyday life?” Some of the characteristics are the ability to endure distress, to not automatically react to distress in destructive ways, to calm oneself down when agitated and before acting, patience with oneself and with others. These do not look, again, like anything in everyday life: there is no look, a glitter in the eye or a certain strong chin, or a head held high… no appearances to emotional mastery.

    anita

    #102849
    anita
    Participant

    Reg #2, correction: A person trying to look like he mastered his emotions, a guru type, can be recognized.

    #102881
    Matt
    Participant

    ep,

    To me, aiming at “mastering emotions” is much like aiming at “mastering taste buds”. When certain food enters the mouth, responses happen. We can choose what we eat, but spicy food tingles, sweet foods taste sweet, bitter foods taste bitter. To master the taste buds, we can accept what is in the mouth, and chew mindfully, not become beholden to spicy or sweet or bitter foods. With emotions its the same. Watching thoughts, watching emotions, noticing how they rise and fade removes the contention. They’re just emotions… so why make a fuss, why lament them?

    To me, the highest level of taste bud mastery is someone that doesn’t get up from the table to try to chase down the cook.

    With warmth,
    Matt
    http://www.compassreadings.net

    #102890
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    Thank you for responding, Brooke.

    “I feel this would fall into the category of self actualization: A good lifetime goal for anybody who would like to complete themselves to there own satisfaction while maintaining a constant flow of giving back to society, and the people they love and care about. How it looks in every day life would vary state to state, country to country, etc etc. If and when I get there I might have a better explanation.”

    What the process of growing into emotional mastery looks like to me is that I become more neutral and less reactive, more aware of the slightest triggers and reactions and able to manage them in the moment so they don’t control me. I certainly have not fully mastered emotions as there are still times when anger is on slow burn and I cannot do anything about it, or my thoughts are obsessive over some perceived wrong-doing towards me. I call that my human sprout aspect, a part of me still in development. They joy is growing in self-awareness and compassion, and observing myself as my actions grow more towards my ideal of the whole human.

    #102891
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    mt,

    You wrote,

    “ep,

    To me, aiming at “mastering emotions” is much like aiming at “mastering taste buds”. When certain food enters the mouth, responses happen. We can choose what we eat, but spicy food tingles, sweet foods taste sweet, bitter foods taste bitter. To master the taste buds, we can accept what is in the mouth, and chew mindfully, not become beholden to spicy or sweet or bitter foods. With emotions its the same. Watching thoughts, watching emotions, noticing how they rise and fade removes the contention. They’re just emotions… so why make a fuss, why lament them?

    To me, the highest level of taste bud mastery is someone that doesn’t get up from the table to try to chase down the cook.

    With warmth,
    Matt”

    I am not a goal-setter anymore and do not aim. Knowing one’s highest standard is not meant as a target or destination, or even a measurement. It is for having a clear and accurate compass reading. I am not looking to arrive, but it is useful and enjoyable to know if I am headed in the right direction or just making good time.

    Neither do I fuss or lament. For some reason this reminds me of when I lived in Füssen, Germany. People fussed around, and I wrote a poem:

    Fussing in Füssen is not allowed,
    for if it were there’d be too big a crowd
    of bitchers and moaners and grumpy old groaners,
    so fussing in Füssen is not allowed.

    My question ‘what does emotional mastery look like?’ is rhetorical, and asked to generate discussion. I am interested to know how others view it. Thank you for responding.

    Gary

    #102892
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    You wrote, “Emotional mastery doesn’t have a look. It doesn’t look like any particular thing.A person who mastered his/ her emotions cannot be recognized. A person trying to look like he mastered his emotions, a guru type. And when such a person recognizes a person looking for a guru, there is a match. A personal standard, highly personal. Not something to show off like a new car or a college degree.

    “Some of the characteristics are the ability to endure distress, to not automatically react to distress in destructive ways, to calm oneself down when agitated and before acting, patience with oneself and with others. These do not look, again, like anything in everyday life: there is no look, a glitter in the eye or a certain strong chin, or a head held high… no appearances to emotional mastery.”

    I recognize people who have emotional mastery and do not just talk about it. They are non-reactive and act more from higher feelings than from lower emotions. It is past due in human history to bring this awareness from being highly personal to being culturally normal. The look is not a glitter, but gold that can be seen by those with eyes to see.

    I agree that a person trying to look like she has mastered her emotions is obvious, and that emotional mastery is not something to show off. A person who has gained emotional mastery does not talk about their own mastery. It is individual, and evident, when the self-mastery is real.

    Thank you for responding.

    Gary

    #102895
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gary:

    What if you… recognized a person who has emotional mastery, a person who behaved in a non-reactive way but then you find out he or she did something very impulsive which created significant damage to himself and to others? Would you then conclude you didn’t evaluate the person correctly as one who has emotional mastery?

    anita

    #102905
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I avoid evaluating people, even myself. Recognizing is something different.

    When I see someone respond to a volatile or turbulent happening with equanimity and calm, my first thought is probably, ‘That person seems to exhibit emotional mastery.’

    Of course this could be off. They might be numb with fear.

    If I have an opportunity to experience that person over time, in a variety of stressful circumstances, and they continue to respond in an attractive, mature way my interest will be piqued. I will probably talk with them to understand from where their calmness arises.

    Best,

    Gary

    #102906
    Matt
    Participant

    ep,

    Lol, what? How unexpected! How delightful! “I am not this, I do not do that”. Then why bring it up? Said differently… what were you defending, and from what or whom? We all burp, no biggie. Whew! Smells of pride… which is just another emotion, rises, fades. *hugs*, namaste.

    With warmth,
    Matt
    http://www.compassreadings.net

    #102909
    Shay
    Participant

    I think what you are talking about reflects the concept of centeredness…When we may be experiencing trouble and trauma in the physical sense but not inwardly.
    When circumstances arise that would normally generate fear or even panic, and we respond with acknowledgment, not blocking or denying that fear. Not attempting to control emotion, circumstances, or other people. Then moving toward peace as we process the emotion and circumstance. That inner tranquility acknowledges that being ok on the physical level is much more than a setting of physical things.
    Likewise when relationships disturb us, we move from acknowledgment, processing, to the reality that no matter what happens we are still where we should be, learning what there is to learn, growing because of the “disturbance” and being thankful for it.
    Gratitude in crisis is what I would call emotional mastery. As we experience and process the emotions, we may not “Look” or “feel” very mastered. Emotions will move. But the process moves us to a place more peaceful and we grow in wisdom.
    Just knowing that as we experience this is emotional mastery and inner peace. It will come out “right” in the end.

    #102910
    Shay
    Participant

    I might also add that emotional mastery fulfils the recognition and expression at least inwardly of the said emotion. That expression should not purposely harm self or others. The motive is very important I think. Being based in gratitude really moves us from a destructive cycle.

    #102933
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Gary:

    Congratulations for starting a very successful thread, lots of participation!

    i like your answer of recognizing emotional mastery in a person over time, in different situations and even then, over time your “interest will be piqued. I will probably talk with them to understand from where their calmness arises.”- I like that: you wouldn’t announce/ declare/ put your whole confidence in a person as one who mastered his emotions, and instead, your interest will be piqued and you will want to learn more.

    anita

    #102935
    Gary R. Smith
    Participant

    Matt,

    Why bring it up?

    On a forum titled ‘Emotional Mastery,’ do you think it useful for participants to understand what emotional mastery means?

    Smells of pride?

    Wow, you can read and judge me over pixels on a screen? If I was defending, I would like to become aware of it. Please help me become more aware, that way we can be of use and benefit to each other on the path of conscious evolution.

    “Lol, what? How unexpected! How delightful! “I am not this, I do not do that”. Then why bring it up? Said differently… what were you defending, and from what or whom? We all burp, no biggie. Whew! Smells of pride… which is just another emotion, rises, fades. *hugs*, namaste.”

    With warmth,
    Matt

    Tell me more about the hugs, namaste and warmth. Are they real? Do they come from an authentic place, an open heart? Or do the words cover something else?

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 27 total)

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