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Hi Ilyana, I feel like you wrote my exact story! I have also been married for 10.5 years and we have a young son. My husband sounds very similar to yours – moody, easily angry/upset and engrossed in his own life. He also constantly feels the need to prove he is better than everyone else (and than me, especially), in everything he does. When I have a tough time at work, which has been happening often lately, he shows no compassion and basically says it’s my fault.
So, I think I am at the same stage as you are, i.e. asking myself difficult questions. Do we separate? Do I learn to accept this life and hope it will work out somehow?
My thoughts so far are that there is one thing I can control, and this is how I react. In the last 18 months, I have worked a lot on myself and have learned to let his negativity and moods go past me, if that makes sense. I am not responsible for his miserable state and I am trying not to let him affect my own happiness. I am trying to surround myself with positive people and hobbies. I am fully involved with my child and to make sure he is happy and doesn’t see any of the dark stuff there is between his father and I. I still haven’t decided for sure whether we should separate, although I did research divorce lawyers near me, just in case… My therapist used to say that knowing things helps you not to be scared. So, knowing who to turn to, should you ever need it, is a step towards taking back control.
I am not sure whether any of this is helpful, but I just want you to know that I understand you fully (including the draining, negative, drama-loving in-laws) and that you are not alone. Please continue to carve your own happy corner, your mental state is so important to you, and to your child.
All the very best,