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eye of the storm

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  • #51542
    eye of the storm
    Participant

    Casey, you are confused because you care about him. He doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want you to be happy with someone else, he only wants sex. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve someone who will wait until you are ready, you deserve someone who cares for you and wants you to be safe and happy.

    You do not deserve someone who will kick you out in the dark and cold because they didn’t get their way. He punishes you when he is angry and then sweet talks you to get you back into line.

    Do not let yourself get back into this.

    I agree with Anyone, turn your brain back on and get on with your life.

    Best of luck!

    #50486
    eye of the storm
    Participant

    Kelsey, Nobody can make another person happy. it is like trying to fill a bottomless pit with a plastic spoon. you will work yourself into a grave trying and always failing. There is something wrong when a person is unable to be happy on their own. It is something they need to work on. And if he is saying all he needs is you, then you are not the person that can help him. He will blame you for everything that goes wrong. I rarely ever tell someone to stay or go in a relationship, but this is a red flag you CANNOT ignore. Let him know he needs to find peace within himself and if you two are meant to be, when he gets to a better place, you can revisit dating again. I spent 18+ years trying to make my husband happy, I failed for 18+ years. He came out of our marriage bitter and angry about all his missed opportunities I kept him from all the happiness I stole from him and I came out of it thinking I was worthless. I learned to find peace and take responsibility for my choices and my emotions and, just as importantly, learned to not take responsibility for others choices and emotions. Mine belong to me, theirs belong to them.

    Good luck and considering the distance you live and the lack of control he has already shown (pushing you?!?!) do this over the phone and be prepared to block him if he gets out of hand.

    #50485
    eye of the storm
    Participant

    Forgiveness does not remove what happened. It removes the bitterness and the pain. The scar of what happened will never go away but scar tissue is tougher and stronger than the skin that was there before. I am stronger and more compassionate than I was before. I look at my scars and no longer feel bitterness and anger. I see growth and strength. Having survived, I know the pain others feel and am able to let them see my scars and know there is hope for the future.

    I will not tell you to stay with your husband. Only you can know if you are able to learn to trust again. I will tell you that you need to forgive him. Not for his well being, for yours. That anger you are holding on to poisons you.

    What done is done. the past cannot be undone it can only be learned from, its experiences woven into who we are, and moved on from. The moving on part is where you are trapped. Staying where you are surrounded by bitterness and anger is comfortable and warm. But you will miss out on so much. I cannot tell you which path to take, but you do need to take one. You must move on to something better. It may be to a more open relationship with your husband, it may be to getting a divorce.

    Do not forgive him or stay married to him for him, Forgive him for you and then make the choice that, while it may be hard, is best for your life.

    #50140
    eye of the storm
    Participant

    Life, I have been there. And it is not a fun place to be. You must first stop stalking her on facebook. Block her. Block her phone number and then delete it from your contact list. Do not lurk where you think she may be. I know you don’t want to but you need to do this in order to heal. You have an open wound that will not heal unless you stop reinjuring it. She cannot keep you from breaking up with her. You allowed yourself to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Get out. For yourself, you need to get out. She lied and hurt you on purpose, do not stay with someone who wants to make you suffer. You deserve someone who will enrich your life not degrade it.

    My ex did the same thing to me; lied, posted pictures to hurt me, made sure I would see the other women and how happy he was. It took me a long time to heal from my broken marriage. The reason was, I would not allow myself to heal. I constantly worked the wound, kept it open and festering. Once I decided that I was worth more, I moved on and healed.

    Right now you are too invested in giving her all the power. she this, she that. You need to take back your control and power. The only way you will do that is to stop putting this on her, she can do nothing to you. You are doing this all on your own. Take responsibility and then take the time to heal.

    Good luck.

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)