dear Anita

i hope you are better now

i read your message , as usual it was accurate , unfortunately i had a long day , i could reply now but i ve  rather put more thoughts on my reply , im gonna reply to you tomorrow . take care of your self

farnaz

dear Anita

A medical doctor: I always had the outmost respect for the profession! I failed entrance exams to a medical school and I am glad that I did because my chronic severe inattention to details …thank you very much , i cant really comment on that. i wasnt really focused either but i had too , after a while i got more organized and focused , but it s a very hard thing to do , all the sleepless nights , specially during covid . i lost my will to live for a while and i start to take antidepressants . i like it but i know a lot of people who regret studying medicine so i hope your happy with the job you have right now thats all that matters .

 I was afraid that you will not want to speak to me anymore because of the animosity you mentioned. yes i understand it . i think if i didnt know Israeli people while studying maybe i had some doubts talking to you just like if you didnt meet iranians while growing up you would think they are some evil creatures but it`s all bs , dirty politics

yes , i speak french and i forgot alot too . and you understood my phrase right , lol

i always enjoy you accurate analysis , all were unfortunately true thinking of women as subhuman and compartmentalization . he never took the initiation that was the first red flag and he acting nasty and aloof was actually stabilizing his situation as the upper one , when it didnt work he changed somehow but dont you find his behavior heartless ? i think i shouldnt expect such a person to care but in the same time why not ?it wouldnt hurt him to say something regarding my dads death . i dont want seem foolish and naive for expecting it but i believe this people are evil . i didnt say the last part , i actually contacted him one last time and offered to have sex with him , i know that was crazy and i didnt intend to do it just wanted to him to react , remember i just lost my dad , he said no just leave me alone , i feel like in that point because i nagged about his behavior the day he came back , he thought i m not that easy target and/or he believed im in vulnerable position and would do anything to get him back ,the latter one has higher possibility in my opinion . after he said leave me alone , it was what i was waiting for , i said but why how can i find an sleezy d^^^ like you anywhere else?and i said by the way my dad is passed but i know you cant relate because you dont know your dad because your mom was a w^^^^ . do i regret that ?NO . i believe that was low and petty and it was the first time i used that word in someones face . but if someone deserves to be talked to like that , it was him , he is low and shameless , im honestly scared to hear your opinion about what i did ?but in that moment it felt right and after 9 months i dont feel it any different , so maybe im shameless too . lol

. “nice” men will wine-and-dine a woman with the expectation of having sex, but many men, particularly if they are considered attractive and desirable, and if they are busy (like the man you described), and/ or they don’t want to spend the money, he didnt have the money to spent or desire to do so , one he could have anybody he likes without spending any money , in his head . and from what i heard afterwards he was from a very low class family with no money at all , he was driving nice car and wear nice clothes but that was it and when he told me in what part of city he was living i was shocked , it wasnt what i expected from an arrogant and prideful  person like him who is going to be cardiologist at all, i hope i dont sound superficial , i mean some people give some aura you  that it would be a privilege to be with them even breathing same air as them  and it is more disappointing when you realized its all facade , he had no character and no money and he had some serious health issues , im saying its his fault but if a woman had the same issues , that would be very different

This mentality and these kinds of men ruined a lot for me… disgusting, and it is a human-woman tragedy on a global scale. their mentality and the mentality of women who pursue them , so sad

Farnaz

thank you , i `m relieved and get better soon  xoxo

dear Anita

sorry for replying late , i had a very hectic day , first my car didnt start and once it did and i finished my work and came back home , i couldnt lock it!!!!i still can`t .

i wanted to reply to you but my keyboard was nt working , only in this website apparently , lol , i`m writing from my tablet now

that’s a lot of help: I completely forgot to drink liquids. I normally drink very little water/ water-like and no exception when sick, so thank you! (Ever since you told me that you work in healthcare, I’ve been curious to know whether you are a medical doctor…) im glad to hear it , i used to ignore my dehydration too until i found out it has a lot of side effects including increasing my appetite , so i pay attention more to drinking water . haha . and yes im a medical doctor .

 lots of misinformation (mistaken info) and disinformation (purposefully wrong). it`s unfortunately true

what kinds of limitations? And what do you consider desired modesty vs undesired modesty? (I will answer the same, if you want me to). im not sure if i understand your 2nd question , but for the first one: forcing the women in family to wear scarf or an special kind of jijab with is similar to burka , we called it chador , its not actually covering the face as burka . limiting socializing outside even with another girls and the most important one is double standard and discrimination between a brother and sister in the same family , the son can have a lot of freedom and the daughter has none . in the past actually most families deprived the daughter from education , there is an old saying in my pop culture , the man can have all kinds of fun with anywomen he wants but ultimatly he marries a virgin , as you guess that doesn’t apply to women . it was common before in Iran  but alot of men wouldn`t care about their wife virginity now , the majority do .

 I was born, and grew up in Israel, by the way. My first language- as a young child- was French (mother from Morocco, father from Romania) and second, Hebrew. There were plenty of Iranian immigrants in Israel, when I was growing up i was  courios about your nationality i was guessing you live in us but you said i`m in another side of the world away from my mother , so i guessed maybe you are from an Asian country , lol . i met a lot of Israelis with iranian background too , which was weird at the beginning , because of all animosity between Iran and Israel or what they want us to be . i think there are more similarities between islam and your religion than with Christianity .

on peux parler aussi en francais aussi , ca fait longtemps que jai pas parle en francais and jai oublie beaucoup en plus  ecrire en francais est tres difficile et je suis trop paresseure de telecharger french keyboard , lol

 WANT to be miserable though. It’s that they want something (ex., love)… but it happens to be accompanied by abuse.  but some relationships are doomed from the beginning , the way they started i mean

i m gonna share my experience with the guy, im glad you asked but honestly i fear you judged me , please bear in mind it wasnt characteristic to me to be like that . i was working in a heart hospital for a short time because there are some extra internship , we should take for our certificate as a medical doctor to be accepted in Iran , i was working as gp under supervision of the residents , one of those were a guy who was tall , handsome and smart , apparantly he scored highest in board exam even better than those residents with more years of education . he was really nasty to me but i could say he was checking me out whenever he had a chance , i sensed he was nasty because he wanted to get upper hand or something like that , i know this is childish so ignored him completely and i can say i was kinda rude to him and it wasnt really what he expected , after a while we got along , he changed his attitude completely and in one or 2 occasions , we were both awake through the night  taliking and laughing , because we were both in duty , i happened to like this guy he seemed to be genuinely inteseted in me , he was asking about my likes and dislikes and i asked him too and we had a lot to talk about . but after both nights before the morning meeting when i was gathering the result of new tests , he was completely changed , he ignored me completely . that was weird , i finished that short period in that hospital and i had to practice dermatology in another place , i sent him afew messages , like 2 to see what he is up to , he wasnt interested so , that was it , four months afte,r i accitently met him in another hospital we were taliking and he had to go so he said he is going to message me , no message after 3 months . my dad got sick and it was near our new year , the problem was most doctors would go to vacation for at least 2 weeks , in that time we werent sure that he was operable or not , he needed a cardiologist to confirm it or not .

thats hard time to explain i called him and i dont know why >he couldnt do anything because he is not gratuated but he couldt connect me to another people , to be hnest i could connect to them by another ways , ok , i called him but hung out after 2 beebs  he called me back , i explain the situation, he was helpful i giving me someone who was working that time but wasnt symmpathetic towards me particularly , he called me dear , azizam in our language , i keep contacting  him by text , he was at him home , i tried to keep him interested and i realized he is just interested in sex , im not that kind of person but i guess dealing with my dads disease , he contacted me the day he was supposed to return to my city , his work place , and he asked if i return right now , would you come over to my place to have s## , i refused , i told him before thats not my style , she was persisstant and pushy and i said i want to see you in public place before  he was like , but we know each other , what we are going to talk about , the hospital ?he was very annoyed , and i told him i would see him tomorrow in public , he said im h^^^^right now… he convinced me to have a s^^ video chat with him and he got satisfied , and he hung ut immediately , after a while a few days i contacted him , he said he is not available , he had a repair man in his flat to fix the washing machine ,yessss he wanted me at his home , and i was pissed , i didnt say im gonna go his place but i did complain about his rudeness , in the same week my dad passed and i had his photo in my messenger photo obviously , he didnt say anything to me , he didnt see it or he saw it (it was written that my dad passed ,it was story of my WhatsApp account )and he didn`t care to message me , i was so pissed , heart less , it was like he wanted me to hurt more

that was too long sorry

just let me know how do you think about this guy?

farnaz

dear Anita

apparently you werent wearing mask while typing your last posts , because i got sick too . lol . im a little better now and  i`m gonna reply to you in few hours

take care

farnaz

dear Anita

they look human in the photos. i meant their appearance is not like an average Iranian and we are pissed that they are somehow represent us as Iranian in the world , another issue with them , exactly like any oppressive government using religion as a weapon and that made all us hate our religion 

Sept 16, 2022, protests started as a reaction to the killing of 22-year-old Mahsa Amini by the Islamic religious police , and protests are going on from then , which is  as much as i can remember is the longest period ,people protested the regime.  i try to not follow the news as much , its maddening but  im impressed by your study about Iran in such a short time .

according to Iran focus. com, 89% of unemployed women in Iran are highly educated. (You are one of the 11%)… yes unfortunately , there are a lot of people especially women who studied what they didn’t want to because they thought at the the time it was better than their passion , i dont believe its specific to Iran , but whats the point if you cant apply your knowledge . the most important issue is unemployment , I’m from north and if you search in internet , you may find that we are known for being open minded  and not in religion and women are living with more freedom than other provinces , they are more educated too , but there is not that many factories or companies where  these women can work . some work in jobs completely unrelated to their major , without any insurance or guaranty the they can keep the job . I’m lucky because the health system is still under stuffed that`s why i could  have a job .

but I don’t know it would apply in other situations too, or not?“- I didn’t understand this question…i mean maybe you can overcome some of these power imbalance situation  by being independent , having your income and being knowledgeable in what you do in your professional life but how you can prevent or overcome a power imbalance in your private life , for example my dad was paying my tuition fee and there was no way i could afford it myself , so how could i stop him abusing his power ?and imagine a woman with no income to be trapped with an abusive husband and she doesnt have her familys support , how she can save herself , it`s not possible to avoid the people who abuse their power , specially when you are kid and  sometimes even in adulthood .

i think by being financially independent , not being isolated ,  being emotionally strong and have a purpose in life you can somehow manage the situation with power hungry people , when you can`t avoid them .

i dont believe its all about money and being independent financially solve all the problems . some of people i know that used their power were just doing it by making me believe they are my only  savior and they are the only one i can trust like my parents and some strangers  i unfortunately met in my dark times when they were doing nothing for me aor worse they were the one who were hurting me behind my back , so i believe being strong mentally and emotionally would help a lot. what do you think ?

Farnaz

Dear Anita

yes in my beautiful country ,there are a lot of protests going on , you probably heard in news and the government is messing with net connection so they can have  more control over us , like a possessive parent i guess but in huge scale . power dynamic is the same though .

believe what is true, no matter it being easy or hard to believe. this  world is cruel and i believe for people who are raised by cruel people , is more real than others .

 it’s business as usual. It was done to them.. now, it’s their turn. YES it came  so natural at least to my parents , and my siblings are following this tradition too . maybe it was only me who was questioning it , because i was the baby of the family and always in receiving end . and i was labeled difficult because i made it too difficult for them most of the times .

Most people abuse power when power is available to them, and parents are no exception. Becoming a parent is the most common way- for the masses- to gain power…is that they have no power to abuse; so, they are more likely to have your best interest in mind and heart. unfortunately , it is true . the closer they are ,the worst they can hurt us  but what do you think we can do for preventing these situations?