Forum Replies Created
November 17, 2013 at 4:17 pm #45409
You are welcome. It is also something of a bereavement, losing the focus for your love is very similar and certainly no less painful than grieving. You are in fact grieving, for the Love which has been lost. And like the bereavement of a loved one you will never entirely get over it. Indeed, you should not. It doesn’t actually get better with time – rather you get better at it. At managing it. I hope in due course you will find a small compartment in your heart where you can keep this lost love and visit it – whenever the time is right for you. And don’t worry about those inevitable days when the ruddy thing escapes and takes you by surprise. You will find you get better at putting it back in its small rightful ‘box’ and eventually, get a lock on the lid.
Good Luck. November 17, 2013 at 4:50 am #45396
I have your new reply and I feel the “liquid filling many cups” etc. analogy is indeed helpful.
GaryNovember 16, 2013 at 5:15 pm #45393
Thanks Matt, but I’m not sufficiently advanced in these matters to understand what you are saying.
Can you re-fire it at me in another way ?
GaryNovember 16, 2013 at 5:12 pm #45392
Love is: “That affinity for another person from which total recovery is never wholly possible.”
So the lingering proves that your Love was real, and true, and if you could ever let it totally Go – then it was never the real thing. But it was, wasn’t it. So you have no choice in the matter. Where to go from here ? Use it! You are capable of the very real thing. And your next step might be, say, one day (not quite yet perhaps) but Love again. And if your Love is truly returned, then your next partner should readily understand that you will always carry a part of your true love for that other person. Carrying a part of your heart for another person does not mean you are being in anyway unfaithful or deceitful toward your next partner. What is it like ? It is like loving your first very favourtie Puppy Dog who has now passed. Sure, you will have another Puppy Dog and love that new Puppy Dog to bits!! But loving the new Puppy does not change the love you had for the first Puppy. Conflict ? None.
You are so VERY lucky to have experienced true Love. Most of us believe but actually, never get where you have been.
I envy you.November 16, 2013 at 1:52 pm #45390
Simple Math ?
I am way more than sure you all know the answer to my question but being a mere novice I wish to ask: If life merely revolves and we all come back again after death, given the ever increasing number of people on this planet, how does it work that ‘new’ lives are created ? ie: if say 10 people died yesterday and say 12 born today, where did the extra 2 lives come from ?
Thanks for being patient with me,
GaryAugust 3, 2013 at 3:44 pm #39696
These are very important things for me to hear, that I can consider them both deeply and for a long time to come.
Thank You maitri2all – whoever you really are.
Somewhat cautious about any possible imbalance, I also. today, have come to consider:
“We were getting on so very well, loving together. I was only 3 weeks old. Now I will never know what it would have been like to finish growing up with you, soaring through the skies, then always coming back to land on your shoulder, to peck at the hairs on the back of your neck – again! If only we could have had just a litle longer together, even one season, loving and caring.”August 2, 2013 at 3:33 pm #39644
Today I am getting better. Matt’s words were the first which seemed to carry ‘real’ reasons for the events. Maitri2all’s words, permission for me to accept.
I have never considered how the Birds feelings might be now. I guess there could be several;
‘Why did you put that fan on when I was practising my flying ? It killed me.
“Thank You, for rescuing me and giving me 3 weeks of the best you could, making me know I was loved.”
“Will I ever see you again ?” I do so want to, so very much.”
“There’s nothing you can do now Gary. But PLEASE don’t ever forget me ?”
As if I ever, could.August 2, 2013 at 1:20 pm #39622
Well done Matt. Every word of your description makes total sense. If it was a straight mechanical/physical sequence of events then that is its own reason. There doesn’t have to be any ‘higher being’ any other ‘higher reason’. This explanation is totally acceptable.
That does not mean to say I wish there were no other ‘higher’ reason, be that spiritual or otherwise. But a mechanical world I can live in without feeling the need to demand answers/explanations form some intangible mysticism.
Thank You again Matt. Already I am beginning to feel something lightening-up.August 2, 2013 at 11:50 am #39610
I am not trying to bring the Bird back, I have given that up. And almost all the responses I have received have been welcome, sometimes interesting, always kind and partly helpful. I like nearly all of them. People have been supportive. John’s response above is very truthful, sensible.
But I still do not see anyone giving a reason why a young innocent life had to be taken when the alternative was so ‘right’.August 1, 2013 at 6:27 pm #39567
Thank You to All who have tried. I have several comforts of kindness and, several wisdoms from you. Thank You.
What I don’t have is any answers.
No regrets.July 28, 2013 at 4:58 pm #39343
Thank You Peace. :}July 28, 2013 at 4:44 pm #39341
Thanks Matt, but I am not religious in anyway – which is one of the reasons I approached this site.
People seem to focus upon my punishing myself, which is indeed what I do. But what I NEED, is answers. I need to know why death comes to the so young, why the bird could not have had more of life, why it had to be so violent instead of peaceful ?
I have had people tell me we don’t know the answers – that is just the way it is ‘in the grand scheme of things’ and that I just have to accept it, have faith. But I don’t have that faith.
I really need answers.
GaryJuly 28, 2013 at 5:07 am #39296
Once again, this is good advice, and I feel your sympathy. Thank You John.
Yes Christian background upbrininging does rather create a backdrop which is not always helpful at these times. I can see that. And much of what I learn from Tiny Buddha is about viewing things differently. A greater knowledge. The real pity here is maybe I am so entrenched in my christian background I cannot take full advantage of Buddhism an allow myself release from this pain. I will keep looking, and searching for a different way to view what I have done, what happened, and what I feel about it.
Your suggested web-link gives me more food for thought.
You are not a bad bunch of Guys.
Thanks again John.
GaryJuly 26, 2013 at 6:37 pm #39264
Thank You Christina, you are being kind. And of course whether it was my bird or your cat or even a butterfly, we feel the same. I have absolutely no regrets over nurturing the little bird, none at all. And you are quite right, it’s death was an incident. I don’t have too much trouble understanding and qualifying the event which happened. Rather like the poor cat under your car. Perhaps even exactly the same. The problem I am having is reconciling that straightforward knowledge about what happened with the powerful feelings of guilt I’m experiencing – which certainly don’t match up. It’s the surprising imbalance which is throwing me.
:}July 26, 2013 at 6:30 pm #39263
Yes John, that is right. I did all those things. Nobody else. So yes, this is all about me. There is no one else to share my guilt. And no one has to live with it except me.
Of course the bird had its full free will to fly where it liked. Which was wonderful. But it didn’t have the choice to run the fan at 95 rpm. That was my choice John. I decided that. Yes, that’s right. Me – Just me. And I am trying to cope with the consequences of my actions, not the birds.. This is my grief John. Not yours. And you must forgive me if I am not prepred to share it with you.