haunted by past loves

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    what do you do with the love you have for past relationships, when you are no longer able to give it to them? it’s almost as if your love for them just hangs heavy in your heart. i have a past love that, even thinking of his face, my heart lights up and i realize how much i miss him. we can’t be together, but that love remains.

    i came to a realization that i might just always carry this love with me, and while it hurts and is heavy because i so want to give it to him, it’s just a cross i will always bear. is that destructive or disrespectful to current relationships?

    River Christian

    Is it disrespectful to have more than one close friend?


    I am haunted by my past love, no matter how much I love him and I still do. But he was the one that wanted to walk away. People say ” You walked away, not him” Sometimes I think of him, and I think about the fun things that we had. Now, I just look for more and more. I look for someone to fall inlove again. Its very hard. But I am focusing myself, on school and traveling. And What my goal is. But sometimes… I get lonely and say…Why can’t I share my experience with this special person…

    To answer your question…I think its both, destructive and disrespectful to current relationships. I advise you not to get into a relationship until you are completely healed. Your heart has healed. Because it is not fair for that person to have so much feelings for you and for you to have feeling for someone else…


    Love is: “That affinity for another person from which total recovery is never wholly possible.”
    So the lingering proves that your Love was real, and true, and if you could ever let it totally Go – then it was never the real thing. But it was, wasn’t it. So you have no choice in the matter. Where to go from here ? Use it! You are capable of the very real thing. And your next step might be, say, one day (not quite yet perhaps) but Love again. And if your Love is truly returned, then your next partner should readily understand that you will always carry a part of your true love for that other person. Carrying a part of your heart for another person does not mean you are being in anyway unfaithful or deceitful toward your next partner. What is it like ? It is like loving your first very favourtie Puppy Dog who has now passed. Sure, you will have another Puppy Dog and love that new Puppy Dog to bits!! But loving the new Puppy does not change the love you had for the first Puppy. Conflict ? None.
    You are so VERY lucky to have experienced true Love. Most of us believe but actually, never get where you have been.
    I envy you.


    gary, thank you. that is so comforting to me. if i can just accept i will always carry this love, i can move forward. thank you.


    You are welcome. It is also something of a bereavement, losing the focus for your love is very similar and certainly no less painful than grieving. You are in fact grieving, for the Love which has been lost. And like the bereavement of a loved one you will never entirely get over it. Indeed, you should not. It doesn’t actually get better with time – rather you get better at it. At managing it. I hope in due course you will find a small compartment in your heart where you can keep this lost love and visit it – whenever the time is right for you. And don’t worry about those inevitable days when the ruddy thing escapes and takes you by surprise. You will find you get better at putting it back in its small rightful ‘box’ and eventually, get a lock on the lid.
    Good Luck. 


    The ghosts of relationships past.
    Oh don’t scrooge yourself out of the beauty you created or can carry with you.
    Dissolve the negative and retain the good stuff.
    The good stuff can be the stuff that makes you find better stuff.
    So stuffing is good.
    A good place to set your table
    A big table of love and fun and treats and laughter
    A bitter pill is hard to swallow
    But good stuff sinks into my bones, by soul, my heart
    So stuff it HA
    Get your Jiggy Pudding On.

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