Looking back at events throughout the years , I believe she just got to a place while very young , that made her believe she was missing something in life. Yes , she did become very irresponsible and extremely undependable. Yes , she did get involved in a long term affair long before I fell into one. There are no excuses , no justification for infidelity , none. There are choices. We make bad choices. That’s just being human. But we can own our mistakes and express genuine remorse and seek forgiveness.

Does a soldier need to apologize to his wife for serving his country on an extended tour of duty? Does a fireman have to apologize for their absence while on there job. No , it was all a matter of insecurity. I was there , all she had to do was open up and talk about it. I recommended counseling , therapy , whatever it took …  she was just not interested. She became so selfish she became unrecognizable. I remember asking her at one point why she married me. One might expect an answer like “Because I loved you.”  That’s not what I got. I got a “What else was I suppose to do.” (She was pregnant with our first)

A long while has past since my original post , and although I’ll never forget those days and events of long ago , I’m in a much better place now. I’ve been married to my present wife for 38 years and she has stood by my side through that period of severe depression. She knows the whole story. We’ve had our ups and downs but we never gave up and I am so very thankful that I found her those many years ago. If my ex and I had never divorced , I would never had met my current wife. So I thank her for that.

As was said , people have choices ,  the choices you make will dictate the degree of your character.

I have read and researched many forums and articles regarding my past situation and it tends to point to a personality disorder. There is really no other rational explanation. I married a narcissistic sociopath.

I’ve been beating myself up over this , but I do realize it doesn’t matter anymore , she never wanted to give it a second chance , she separated completely , she had total disregard for my pain , and now , I know  , she is wallowing in self pity and regret. Not meaning to be cruel , but she just wanted to play the whore and I just couldn’t deal with it. So if she ever reads this , and she’ll know exactly who this is , I’m sorry , but I’m happier now , I got extremely lucky finding a woman that does care and voluntarily took on all my psychological baggage to love me. Some people learn from their mistakes , I did. Others refuse to place any blame on themselves and go though their entire lives in denial. Sorry for them , they made those choices themselves . They put themselves in that position.