Dear Nick,

How are you doing?

I’m living fine now. Besides occasional sobbing, I am actually living quite well.

I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is right. But I want to live on. I want to keep moving forward. I started going out with people, eventhough I don’t know them well. I started bonding with my housemate and I started having regular conversation with my old friends.

One of my friend is going through a break up, the same day as me. And it made me realise that even when all love stories are different, the pain is the same. The horror and fear is the same.

You’re a medical student like me. Our studies is tough and it’s important for us to focus. I’m having my final exams in 5 months time. And I promised myself that after New Year, I would place my entire heart into my studies. I hope you will too.

I’ve realised that he left me and created an empty space. It is my choice to fill that empty space with misery or happiness. I had tried placing misery. And now I will fill it up with happiness.

Meditation really help. The first 2 people that replied to me; one of them said to breathe. It’s really helps. Taking deep breaths, and keep on breathing. It lessen the pain although I know only time can fully take the pain away from me.

With love,
Jade

Yes. I went over everything. Every mistakes I did. To be honest I hurt him here and there along the way and I know it. It’s amazing that he had even considered to forgive me. But I know I did made up for it. Though I did kept asking myself what if I didn’t hurt him that way, will his feelings not fade? But realised soon after, I’m just human. I make mistakes big or small. And you know, I really did my best to make up for it.

He made me a better person. I know he did. Because of him, I made peace with my mom. Because of him I became who I am today. I don’t know if I even helped him. But I remember he used to be a scared boy. But now he’s a grown man with firm decisions. We may never be together again. We may. I don’t know. But either way I know this wasn’t a mistake. We were best friends. Now we’re just strangers but I’d like to convince myself that it was right. We might have ended. But it was right. I can’t imagine seeing him in the future as a stranger just saying hi. But if that’s how life is for me, I need to walk it on my own feet.

Honestly it hurts me to even type all these no kidding. But somehow I know it’s the right thing.

I may never understand why it ended. The answer might never come to me. But I loved him all my best. I know he knows that. And I know that our love was really true. It was sacred. And I will keep it that way. I will not dwell into hatred like how most people would. Because I love this man with all my life. And I believe, if he decided this way, there’s a reason for it. Even if it’s because of the other girl he was talking to, if I am not the one to make him happy, I cannot force it I know.

It will be such a hard journey to walk without him. And even worse, knowing that he chose to leave me. But this is a journey I have to walk through with my own bare feet. I do not have to be with him to love him. I do not need him to feel my love. Sometimes letting go is love. Sometimes, giving up fighting is also love. Because love has so many forms and it shouldn’t be fixed.

Obviously I still hope we have a chance in the future. But… I’m trying to kill myself by telling myself it will never happen. Because I don’t want to hold on to false hope. I really want to move on completely and not putting one feet in the past. God bless all of you. And I hope you’ll be alright soon enough too. (Why am I saying this while I’m in such a dark deep hole compared to you)

Yes, I understand. I need to. And I will.
I know I’ve gave my all. I know I’ve done my best.
So, there’s nothing I can do more.
And this is it. The end of our story.

Dear Inky,

Everyone asked me if he had someone else. I kept saying no because to be honest… I don’t think he’s that kind of person. But I feel like I don’t know him anymore. I asked him about the girl but he denied it. His story… doesn’t seem to make sense to me. I’m really trying my best to believe what he said but it sounds so weird to me.

Maybe, being in a 3 years relationship makes him want to be alone for now. But you know, you don’t get into relationships for that. You can’t just go into one and expect to walk out of it. You go into it because you know you’re going to fight your brains out for it.

after what i said about never appearing in front of him, i actually do mean it. I wont call him anymore. Because he said he feels happier now without me. If being alone makes him feel happier I’ll do it. Because I love him so much. Even if he has someone else, if she makes him happier, I shouldn’t try to change anything. I don’t think he will ever call me again. He will never regret or return. Since he’s living such a great life without me why would he? It’s just so weird. I had so many questions. He couldn’t answer them. And now suddenly every question doesn’t even matter anymore. What matters most is… I’m not the one to make him happy and he has made that very clear for me.

(although i literally begged and asked all my questions for 2 hours.)