Lydia,

I hear you. I am 31 and finally getting over my anxiety with speaking to people. For the longest time my mouth just wouldn’t work right. I worried that I had a tumor in my brain or thought that anxiety medication would help. The only thing that has helped me is exposure. Because of waitressing I have exposed myself to strangers over and over for about 7 years now. I’m to the point where if something comes out wrong I can say, “uh, that came out wrong” shrug it off and laugh about it. I know that it is complete torture to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation but it has taught me to be humble, treat others with kindness, AND big suprise…many other people are also socially awkward as well. 

I have always hated money too. I’m sure if I had a lot of it I wouldn’t hate it though. I am at my root a nature lover. I want nothing more to be outside with my dog exploring. I don’t know what the answer for people like us is…but I can tell you that there are many people like us. It takes a lot exploring to figure out how you want to live. Some people share spaces so that their cost of living is low- or grow gardens and share land. Be honest with what makes you happy. It’s your life- avoid what makes you cringe. Find your thing- its out there but it takes time. I’m still looking and making sacrifices in order to get there. Good luck gal, you will be many versions of yourself in this life. Its not always going to be this way.