Hello Anita,

“… being in the present (not distracted by thinking) brings me back to being a scared child. It’s the fear that fuels my escaping the present moment. Deep inside, I am still a scared child.”

I believe that this is a very important finding. Now, you have very specific feelings and you can work with them. This is really perfect for EFT. You don’t have to think about it, if you are not ready now, but in the future you can try to write down all the feelings and ask yourself “What is the reason I feel this?” and try to tap the feelings connected to the specific memories away. It does take time and it can be emotionally difficult, but it really works.

Hanh also has his “therapy”. When a fear comes, he suggests to tell yourself: “Hello my fear, I am here and I’ll take care of you.” I understand this that we have to accept our fear, it is a part of us, and we should try to offer peace and comfort to our fear. By acceppting the fear, it becomes smaller… but it is quite difficult with strong fears. Mindfulness and meditation can raise many questions in us. Buddhist monks on youtube are a bit obscure and vague about HOW exactly work with these emotions.

Sometimes when I feel fear or I am unsure of myself, I imagine myself as a little girl, the scared child (yes, I have her in myself, too.) and I hold her and kiss her and tell her something sweet and nice in my head… when nobody supported me, loved me when I was a child, I do it now by myself. I have a picture of me when I was about 5 and when I have these bad feelings, it helps me to look at me in the picture and I smile and accept (her) myself.

What also helps me now is that I have someone who respects me and loves me the way I am. I am trying to shift my focus from those who didn’t give me love in the past (or now) to those who give it to me. I was wondering if your husband can be this support and love to you now? I remember you wrote that you used to see a therapist. Do you still see him/her? And can your husband go there, too, as your support? I mean, you can do it on your own! You are strong and smart to do so, but sometimes it feels better when there is someone who supports us on our way to healing.

By the way, did you enjoy Thanksgiving Day? Do you have some traditions you follow on this day? 🙂 I’ve always been interested in American culture.

J.

Hello Beni,

I believe so. We are human beings. We want to fit in society but we often forget about ourselves.

If you want to, you can be more specific.

What is your story? 🙂

Hello James,

it appears that my post from Nov 16 will never be published. So I’ll write it again.

Have you read any books written by Ted Andrews? I have a Czech translation “Lexikon zvířecí magie” but I am not sure which book it is in original English version. I can see that he wrote many of them and all seem to be very similar. This book is great and you can find there what you are looking for: a list of animals from insects, birds to big mammals, information about their lives, how you can track them, rituals, symbolism, totems and various execises how to connect with nature and animals. I really liked this book and I want to read it again soon.

I really liked your words about the peaches. 🙂

And I like this advice. I don’t remember the exact words, but it goes like this:

Always before you speak, think if what you want to say is
1 true
2 kind
3 neccessary

Imagine the peace and quiet, if people followed this advice. 😄

(Nov 19, 12:41)

Can I ask you …? And of course, you do not have to answer. I understand that I might be too inquisitive.

I guess from your journal that you are originally from middle/south America. How did you get to the U.S.? I mean it had to be very challenging for you to move somewhere unknown while you were facing so many troubles. You are very brave!

I have been happy recently. I didn’t even know what happy means until most recently. I used to.. hate the word “happy”, and here I am, happy. I feel that I am over my Mother-Monster, like I finally- after a half a century- moved on from her, leaving her behind, in my mind.

I didn’t know what happy means until the last couple of days, I mean HAPPY within myself, being happily okay.. being ME. Being okay with being clumsy and weird perhaps, and not being afraid anymore of being negatively judged.

This is all not a rational- dry experience but an emotional experience. All of my life, I was not okay about being me.

Now, as imperfect and humbly humble as I am, I am perfectly okay being me.

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. <3

Hello Louise,

I completely understand that in crises one can act rashly and make some mistakes. But there’s no need to punish yourself for that. Now you’re here and now. Take your time, take a deep breathe and you will gradually figure out what to do next.

I’m new here and still a bit hesitant to join the forum as someone who should give advice. (especially regarding relationships as it’s a very sensitive and individual thing)

However, have you considered carefully whether you want to go back to your boyfriend because you genuinely miss him or whether it’s more out of a “false sense of security”? What about the other man? Where is he now?

Also, I was wondering if maybe you have the opportunity to buy/rent your own house/apartment in a place you really love and start building a new chapter of your life?