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Jana 🪷Participant
I really liked your words about the peaches. 🙂
And I like this advice. I don’t remember the exact words, but it goes like this:
Always before you speak, think if what you want to say is
1 true
2 kind
3 neccessaryImagine the peace and quiet, if people followed this advice. 😄
(Nov 19, 12:41)
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Jana 🪷ParticipantOf course, I don’t mind. You are all actually invited to join me! Thank you a lot for your kind words full of support. You made my day better.
(I’ll come later when I have more free time to add more and answer your posts)
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Jana 🪷Participant(when I have my “low” moment like now, I feel incredibly stupid… I feel so stupid that I think that I have some troubles when reading your REAL troubles… my sensitivity = stupidity.)
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Jana 🪷ParticipantIn his book The Heart of Buddha’s Teaching, Hanh describes the core of the matter exactly:
There is a story in Zen circles about a man and a horse. The horse is galloping quickly, and it appears that the man on the horse is going somewhere important. Another man, standing alongside the road, shouts: “Where are you going?” and the first man replies: “I don’t know! Ask the horse!” This is also our story. We are riding a horse, we don’t know where we are going, and we can’t stop. (…) We are always running, and it has become a habit.
… I thought I was a calm person, but inside I am constantly running. My mind has been on the run every second of my life… taking me further and further from my happiness.
I’m glad to know now.
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Jana 🪷Participant*central America, of course
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Jana 🪷ParticipantCan I ask you …? And of course, you do not have to answer. I understand that I might be too inquisitive.
I guess from your journal that you are originally from middle/south America. How did you get to the U.S.? I mean it had to be very challenging for you to move somewhere unknown while you were facing so many troubles. You are very brave!
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Jana 🪷ParticipantHello Helcat,
I am very sorry that you find yourself in troubles now.
What exactly happened – what was the lie (if you want to share more about it)
I’ve read (somewhere here on tinybuddha) you were going to meet a Buddhist teacher together. Have you stopped being in touch with the teacher? I think he might be useful for you now. He could give you at least advice on how to navigate through this difficult time. (From that message, I understood that your boyfriend is very interested in Buddhism and quite active in its practice)
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Jana 🪷ParticipantHello again!I will write my thoughts in one post and I would love to hear your points / experience, Helcat, Anita and Roberta (and of course, others are welcomed to join the dicusssion, as well.)The reason why Buddhism resonates with me so much is that its basic principles and core idea – the total peace of mind – agree with my nature. It’s like someone finally told me that my qualities are good. (Unlike in real life, when I have been constantly interpreted as and criticised for being “too passive, unsociable, reserved, aloof, strange, …” The only person who has ever told me he likes my personality is my boyfriend. I remember him telling me about how he was captivated by my calmness.) I find my refuge in Buddhism. And the Four Noble Truth and the Noble Eightfold Path seem completely natural and logical to me. But I’m certainly not saying that’s the case for everyone. I mean Buddhism is for everyone (This is another aspect I like about Buddhism – the openness to diversity. It doesn’t matter if a person is Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, black, indigenous, white, strong, weak, … all without distinction have the right and chance to reach true peace…), but it doesn’t have to be everyone’s way to peace. You can choose your own way – that is important.
But although this is my life philosophy, I will definitely not give up my own reason and critical thinking at the expense of it. And although I really respect personalities such as the Dalai Lama or Thich Hanh, I will not blindly follow them, because I am a different person in a different historical and cultural/social context and I am also on a completely different spiritual level. (much lower level than they are)I have my own “theory” about these levels. In my opinion, there are three crucial “capabilities” of our mind, which more or less influence what we can and cannot understand:
1. Intelligence2. Emotions3. SpiritualityAnd different people are at different levels of these capabilities. For example, some people can be very intelligent, but their emotional level can be quite low and spiritual level undeveloped. It doesn’t mean they are better or worse. They are just at different levels, nothing else. I’ve used this “strategy” to avoid judging people. I think that the compassion strategy which is in the link is great, too. BUT …
Let’s take the story “Jakarta”. I haven’t read this story, but I believe that I get the point. So, this is how my mind reacts now:1. my spiritual side – From my lay buddhist point of view, I understand this. There is no birth and death, only continuation. I sacrifice myself for a good cause, create good karma, and just transform into the next life…
2. my emotional side – Compassion, empathy, higher good… but also discomfort, uncertainty… because my emotions don’t like sacrifice.. my emotions perceive sacrifice as something negative
3. my rational side – According to Buddhists, being born as an animal is a “punishment”, it is a lower, worse form of life than humans (which I strongly disagree with, btw) because they have no intellect and thus cannot ruminate about good/bad, let alone make decisions based on good/bad… So how logically could Buddha in animal form sacrifice himself for a higher good? If animals are unable to tell difference between good and bad, how possibly could he make such a noble decision? That’s a contradiction, isn’t it?
So, I do agree – compassion yes, but in moderation, middle way and common sense. All factors must be considered, individuals, specific situations and these capabilities of people. I think telling someone who is being abused to be compassionate is also a source of bad karma…
About good/bad path… I think that I’ve always chosen a good path…I mean, of course, I did something wrong but I don’t remember that I ever consiously chose the “bad path” (can you maybe be more specific? You don’t have to, of course) … but I think I was born good and with tendencies to be good and calm… I really believe in goodness and on my emotional and spiritual level I want that goodness to be in others… I wish… But I know – on my intellectual level – that it’s not like that in reality. I would like to be able to change evil people through compassion… but I know very well that this is not possible…or at least I myself am not able to do that (because my capabilities are not developed enough to do so). I have to accept this.I might add more later. Have a great day! (It is 18:11 here)
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Jana 🪷ParticipantHello Arden,
I don’t think that what you have decribed is a friendship. It sounds like a pretty competitive environment, which is not a friendship (let alone sisterhood). You mentioned you know “some nice non-selfish women, but somehow we did never became close friends. Maybe it was boring between us.” Can you think about it and try to figure out why exactly? Because I think that a nice non-selfish woman would love to listen to you, help you in crisis… sounds like someone you could rely on.
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Jana 🪷Participant(I have sent a longer reply to all, but the post is awaiting moderation)
“I could have chosen to continue the generational cycle of trauma. But instead I chose to break the cycle.”
That’s great! And if I understand correctly, you managed to do so because you decided to take some bad decisions?
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Jana 🪷Participant(I have sent a longer reply to all, but the post is awaiting moderation)
What do you personally think about the story? : -)
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Jana 🪷Participant“I want my mind and life to be further free of her, I want this wound to further heal.”
It is your path. I am glad no one managed to lead you astray from your path. You keep going, going forward and you will heal in the end. I know it.
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Jana 🪷ParticipantI have been happy recently. I didn’t even know what happy means until most recently. I used to.. hate the word “happy”, and here I am, happy. I feel that I am over my Mother-Monster, like I finally- after a half a century- moved on from her, leaving her behind, in my mind.
I didn’t know what happy means until the last couple of days, I mean HAPPY within myself, being happily okay.. being ME. Being okay with being clumsy and weird perhaps, and not being afraid anymore of being negatively judged.
This is all not a rational- dry experience but an emotional experience. All of my life, I was not okay about being me.
Now, as imperfect and humbly humble as I am, I am perfectly okay being me.
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. <3
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Jana 🪷ParticipantHello again,
I am very glad that you have apparently found the core of the problem. Have you decided to take any further steps?
BTW, Anita you would be a great therapist, do you know about it? : -)
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Jana 🪷ParticipantHello Helcat, Roberta and Anita!
I’ll be back on Saturday when I have more time to read your answers carefully. 🙂
I must say that I am very happy to find you here on tinybuddha, because you are all very clever, supportive and openminded. I feel here much better and safer than on other forums/discussions of Buddhism where some members are too conservative
I’m looking forward to Saturday 😊
(I am writing on phone – hope it is ok to read my message, the text editor doesnt work well on phone)
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