Thanks @Inky! Contact faded again the last couple of days, nothing. So, for self preservation, I think I need to not get carried away on this and really work on letting go. I run a mile with every inch he gives, and I just don’t think that’s healthy or good for me and the kind of person I am. I really needed this time of reflection and feedback from wise and experienced souls like yourself to muster the strength to say out loud, and mean, that this individual is not right or good for me and I need to let it go.

Small steps but I feel like I am on the right track now! Thank you again! xxxx

Thanks @Inky 🙂 that made me feel better! I love the reply you phrased, it is strong and to the point, but I’m still mulling over whether I should reply at all or just walk away after what he said and completely cut off. I don’t want it to become a war of words. But I fear if I don’t reply that he may think that I feel guilty about ‘changing’ so am retreating, when I actually don’t feel that way, I just feel angry he has placed a huge burden of blame on me!

Thank you again, I hope one day I can return the favour for you.

Helen

Hi Sanchez,

Better late than never, thank you so much for your words of wisdom, they helped me to see real clarity. The question around loving myself, its a tough one, I feel that I do more than I ever have before in life, but still maybe not enough. it was also interesting to reflect on past relationships and notice a pattern – the pattern is that I gave my everything to each one of them but they all failed (usually due to their infidelity). I began to notice that every guy I had ever been with ended the relationship by saying along the lines of ‘Im so sorry Helen, but thank you for everything you are amazing and deserve better’. All bar one, Craig. I felt that in fact I was the one running ot him to say sorry/thank you whenever we had a bump in the road. Maybe this reflects a type of infatuation rather than real love, it is something I am still working out.

As for the Craig situation, I did as advised, took a step back but still reached out to him now and again. It became apparent that he didn’t really want to hang out or spend time with me, often he would make an excuse like he had to work all weekend, but then I hear that he had a pool day on one of the weekend days. Or he would simply not answer my suggestion of meeting up when I wrote it as part of a bigger message. It came to a head last weekend when I said we should get together before he goes away for a few weeks, and again he squirmed out of it and said he was busy for the whole weekend. I then, with nothing to lose, straight out asked him why he seemed to be avoiding me, as I was making efforts but it seemed like he didn’t want to see me, and I would just ask for his honesty on this one. He replied saying sorry it wasn’t intentional he does want to see me but ‘romantically…I just don’t think I have the energy or trust for that after our most recent history. Lets work on being friends’. Which I guess made sense after what happened, but I just felt a sense of sadness and slight anger because actually, I hadn’t really done anything wrong as Inky mentioned, and I felt that for my own sense of closure I had to reply to tell him my side, so I wrote:

Hey again. Thanks for your honesty. I totally understand, it’s been on and off for a while now and I don’t think that’s healthy for either of us. Since we’re on this discussion, there’s a few things I want you to know.

I’m not meaning to turn the tables in saying all this but I’d just like you to see it from my view too. Do you have more than friend feelings feelings for me? If so I don’t think we should let a blip like this ruin a chance for a fresh start with everything open and on the table. But since I don’t think you’ll see me in the same light again, I’m happy to work on being friends after some time. I can’t force you into any kind of believing, nor will I try to prove my worthiness if its not felt by you freely. I’m at peace with that and I hope you are too.

AND…no response. I don’t know why, maybe it was too much for him to take, but in a strange way it helped me to draw a line under everything, because I know that my intentions were always good and that I did have strong feelings for him, the circumstances just meant that it was a difficult time for me to act on them.

What do you think? Why would he not reply, in the most likely scenario? Shall I just leave it now completely? His birthday is on Friday and I had bought him a gift (a book and his favourite delicacy) but I am not sure if its best to contact him again and ask if he wants me to give it to him. Is now the time to let go?

Thank you for helping me out with this, sometimes you just need an extra bit of advice before you can confidently stride forward with life.

Thank you and I look forward to hearing back from you!

Helen