I really up on and seem to absorb other peoples emotions, often thinking it is my fault if something is not right or they are in a bad mood. I think this is partly why I like to live on my own because I feel like I can just relax on my own. I hate when there is some tension in the house with someone else.

Hi Anita, thank you for your reply.

It is interesting, but I don’t think that is the case with regards my parents. My mother would definitely stand up for herself in fact she would seem to be the dominant one. Whereas my father was more depressed and unhappy and anxious. That is how it seems to me anyway, but it’s just how I remember it. My mum could be quite angry and I think I still have a fear of people being angry with me. I was thinking this morning this thing I seem to regret a lot of decisions that I make The worst part of it is knowing that I’m going to be angry at myself about it and I think that in a weird way is what makes me anxious because I realise I’ve done something that I think might be wrong and then I just know I’m going to be angry and punish myself about it by thinking and thinking about what I did wrong so much and making myself really unhappy .

Hi Anita
Thank you for your messages. I really appreciate you sharing your story.

I am on the move, so don’t have a time to write a lot. I will come back to it. My only question was when you say: *In all that is happening, it is most important that part of you (the adult part/ the parent part) practices empathy and compassion for the child part of you, taking her side, backing her up, advocating for her.*

How do I do that?

Thank you very much

When I was a child away from home even for a night, I could remember I would cry all night Feeling so homesick and just needed to go home and see my mother. It’s my age, but it’s exactly how I feel now. And what I am doing now. Except that there is  no one to call and no one or nowhere to go back to. It really feels overwhelmingly terrible. Like I just don’t want to live my life anymore. I feel ashamed to tell anyone about this how I am feeling and what has happened. Because I said I was going off to travel, although I have ended up in this crisis. I could go to this town where my friends are but they are only people who are there temporarily over the winter and I will just be staying in a hotel. It’s not somewhere where there is really a home I could rent or somewhere I would want to stay longer term. It is hard for me to express how bad I am feeling at the moment. I just don’t  want to do anything or go anywhere.

Currently, I’m finding it impossible to imagine not having my old Home to go back to. Wow, I really had no idea That this was going to hit me in this way once I left I honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt so bad in my life. I’m a bit worried I am going to make myself ill.

I look forward to receiving more advice from you whenever you have the time. Thank you so much

I guess now what I am really looking for is how to start finding a way to work on these issues and stop repeating these patterns. They feel so deep-rooted I just don’t know how to go about it

<p class=”p2″>Thank you Anita.</p>
<p class=”p2″>Helcat, I know my post may sound that way, but I have definitely not just been using him to fund my travels. It is in no way just for financial reasons that I have stayed with him or that I am missing our relationship. I work remotely so I continue to work while I am travelling and this is what funds my travels. I paid half of all the living costs and rent when I lived with him, even if I was away travelling for months I continued to pay that. </p>
<p class=”p2″>Although we have not been intimate for a while we have had a close relationship in other ways, and I have supported him through difficulties in his own life for the past 15 years. We have also done a lot of travelling together. </p>
<p class=”p2″>I didn’t want the intimacy to stop. I think it is an issue I have about feeling trapped when I live with someone because it’s at the point when we moved in together that these feelings changed for me. The words Anita has said have made me realise maybe this is why. I didn’t want my feelings to change I wish I could still feel that way about him. </p>
<p class=”p2″>I am just trying to explain it has not been a black-and-white situation. I care about him and this is also why I have not left before. Neither of us has tried to fix the problem in our relationship.</p>