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Tobi

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)
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  • #399107
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    thank you for your advice

    It’s just that my thoughts are affected by many parties. I keep wondering.
    Best regards,

    #399104
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for helping me out.
    It was a hard decision to remove her out of my life.
    I think that she either has personal trait problems or was negatively affected by what she went through. Therefore, I don’t actually blame her for what she has done to me.
    At least during our short-term relationship, she was very nice to me.
    The funny thing is that when I mentioned the two toxic exes, her ex laughed though he claimed he had never heard of them. He’s still a good friend of hers now.
    Probably she made up those exes. Yet, I am still wondering if a person can be such committed to their lies. How she talked about them was so real .

    Best regards,

    #399093
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I was not stalking her to be honest. I was trying to get closure

    However, my friend who happens to be her ex told me to move on. And the strange thing is that he barely recognized his ex-gf based on what I said.
    So I thought it was the best that I moved on.
    I now blocked her on all social medias and deleted her number as well.
    I am actually fine. I had an appointment with a psychological doctor today.
    He said I should be fine as long as I don’t continue thinking about this relationship.
    To be honest, this is the first time I have experienced this so I was desperate to know why she did what she did (ghosted me).
    But now I moved on (thanks to her ex)

     

    Best regards,

    Tobi

    #399078
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I haven’t reached out for professional help yet. I realized that the problem lies within me, I was too emotional invested. However, I don’t and won’t ever regret giving her all of me.

    I am sure that our relationship will certainly end up breaking. I’m not sad about that. I’m still worried about her well-being.

    Last night, I came to see her to tell her how I felt. Instead, I met her mom. That girl was too tired to see me (according to her mom)

    Her mom told me that her daughter has been stressed lately. She always says how tiring her job and her studying are.

    She always seems exhausted (according to her mom). Her mom told me she once saw her daughter crying in her bedroom.

    Her mom told me a lot but it seems that her daughter didn’t tell her everything she had told me. Now I know why I love her so much. She always chooses her family over anything any day. Her love is just beautiful.

    When we were still together, she told me how stressed she was to the degree that she started to cry whenever she worked.

    She definitely saw my messages but she ghosted me. I don’t feel rejected as much as I used to anymore. I foresee the future breakup.

    It’s strange that I only imagine how happy I am to see her happy when we meet again. (I plan to see her one last time after she has taken the CFA test in August.)

    I am getting myself ready for the breakup. I won’t be very sad but I will be much happier to see her doing well when that time comes.

    I really do need to start working on myself now in case I have a chance with her so that I’ll be able to love her the best I can.

    I made a mistake rushing it but what we had was wonderful 🙂

    Thank you for your help, Anita. It really helps me a lot even though sometimes it hurt to read the truth that I tried to deny.

    Best regards,

     

    #399049
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for your help

    Looking forward to hearing from you soon

    #399047
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I wish she had had a decent talk with me. I mean I need closure.

    I know she has problems. So do I.

    But putting more stress on your partner is just wrong. During our relationship, she said ‘love’ so many times. She even wrote me a letter on Valentines day saying that I was the best thing ever happened to her.

    I don’t know what went wrong.

    I talked to a friend who was in toxic relationships, she told me that it is possible that this girl is used to the toxicity. Now being in an actual serious relationship makes her feel uncomfortable and anxious so she chose to leave.

    Could that be the case?

    I am somehow having a horrible emotional cocktail in my heart and I don’t know how to escape. I wanna cry but I can’t force myself to shed tears.

    I was not a perfect boyfriend but I definitely gave her all of me. That’s why it hurts.

    #399009
    Tobi
    Participant

    I just think this is a very cruel way to treat people.

    #399008
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    So I just give up? Move on without making things clear with her?

    #398948
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’ll take some time off for a while. I have arranged a job interview with another firm.

    I should be okay.

    “we were supposed to talk things out. That’s how a relationship works” – it’s been only 3 months of a relationship, what’s going on, Tobi?”

    I know it has been less than 3 months of relationship.However, Idk why I invested too much this time.

    I’m not ready for this to be honest. The last time we met in person, she just kept silence. I couldn’t force her to talk against her will because that would have hurt her more.

    #398946
    Tobi
    Participant

    I just filed my resignation. I’m too stressed to work efficiently,

    IDK how long it’ll take for me to feel okay again. I need to be okay as quickly as possible

     

    #398945
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes, I am at work.

    I am just sad because we were supposed to talk things out. That’s how a relationship works

    But she just left me confused about whether I did her wrong like her exes did.

    I wanna help her coz I love her so much.

     

    #398940
    Tobi
    Participant

    Plus I have been lately experiencing:

    1. trembling hands (maybe I’m too stressed and emotionally depressed)
    2. insomnia (I have used sleeping pills for 2 days now)
    3. abrupt emotional shift (I can be sad and then feel empty inside my heart a second later). I cannot control my emotions the way I want.
    4. at times, I feel like my heart automatically stops beating (perhaps to slow down my racing heart to reduce anxiety)

    Do I need professional medical help?

    Thank You & Best Regards,

    #398939
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for your reply. However,

    1. I don’t know if I can send her gifts as her sister somehow won’t talk to me. I think my GF may have told her sister to stop responding to me.
    2. She seems ok. The last time I talked to her sister, her sister told me that my GF seemed ok. She still goes to yoga class with her sister.
    3. idk if trying to care for her makes me a stalker or causes her discomfort. It hurts to know that I’m only 15min away from her but I cannot see her
    4. She has recently changed her photos on social apps. I think that’s a positive sign of being happy. I am happy she’s happy but hurt at the same time.

    Thank you, Anita

    #398927
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes. I totally understand that we have our own things to do.

    Thank you for spending time talking to me. I really appreciate that

    Thank You & Best Regards,

    #398906
    Tobi
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I love how detailed your analysis is. Allow me to be clearer:

    1. Regarding the money, originally, her parents (however I think it was just her mom) gave her the money for investment. But that 2nd guy lost the money as he made a reckless decision. Later when her dad retired and she knew her family’s financial state was no longer the same as before (while her dad was still working), she decided to use her own savings for the CFA to compensate for the lost money and give it back to her parents.
    2. So there are 2 sums of money: 1) the money that she was given for investment.   2) her own saving money (meant for the CFA) that she used to make up for the loss. They’re equal in quantity. When we still talked to each other, she told me that she had talked about the loss & compensation to her mom. She didn’t mention her dad. I suppose she hid this from her dad.
    3. One more detail, when her dad’s company dissolved, he was sad and used alcohol as a relief (my GF told me this). When I tried to convince her to see me in front of her door to make sure she was okay, she refused because she didn’t wanna face her dad and have an argument. It was a late night at the time I tried to talk her into meeting me.
    4. You explained that you are a city dweller, but she was not, being that her family lived in a small town in Vietnam. Her father wanted her to attend a school located in the city, which required that she would have a city address, so he asked a favor from a city dweller to use that person’s address as his daughter’s.

      -> Not the person’s daughter, but rather a family member. We used to have that small booklet for information about people who lived at a certain address so that person did a favor by adding my GF’s name to his home address (city home) booklet

    5. I had a minor motorbike accident and I tried to hide it from her. But when she found out, she insisted on taking care of me by taking a look at my wound and making sure I didn’t have any infection (I had treated the wound after I got home but she wanted to check by herself)
    6. A lot of times, she wanted to order food to my home after I came back from work. She was worried that I may have been hungry. She was genuine and nice so I wanted to love her as much and as long as possible. In addition, she bought me gifts, too, even though I had told her she should not get me gifts.
    7. she pushed you away primarily because it made her life easier, it lowered her stress level somehow. Maybe she felt guilty for dragging you down with her and pushed you away so to no longer feel guilty.Maybe she was too stressed about the CFA exam and recent events and did want the added stress of being in a relationship with you. What do you think?

    • Do you mean ” and did NOT want the added stress of being in a relationship with you.”?
    • She did tell me that she didn’t want me to be stuck with her. But even in her worst, I still wanna be there for her.
    • Perhaps, she was too stressed about the CFA and recent events…. that’s why I can’t be mad at her for breaking my heart. From the beginning of this relationship, she told me that she needed time to heal from her 2 toxic exes. However, we took the shortcut straight to being in a relationship as a couple.
    • There was one time we were together (we were already in a relationship). She asked me if I was in a relationship with her because I felt pity for her (owing to all the bad things she had gone through in life), and then she cried. I told her I wanted a relationship with her because I really loved her (I still do love her now). At that time, she told me that her heart was tired and she didn’t wanna be hurt anymore. I calmed her down and told her things were gonna be okay.
    • She would ask me about all the sweet things I said to her and all the sweet acts/ gestures that I did for her. She wanted to be sure that all those things came out of love, not pity. The asking started soon after we’d decided to be in a relationship. Later on, it stopped and I think that she really trusted me with the fact that I really really loved her (I still love her very much now).
    • Now I realized that I once did the very same thing that she just did to me. I broke my exes’ hearts because I still had feelings for another ex of mine who went back to the US. I knew that getting back together with that American ex is never gonna happen as she refuses to be in a long-distance relationship. I totally get that as being in a long-distance relationship can be very frustrating.
    • I could have tried harder to move on and be with my exes. I knew they would have brought me happiness had I decided to stay and try. Yet I chose the easy way out and left them for fear of dealing with my emotions and ration. My problem was nothing compared to my GF’. She’s been through a lot.

    Thank you, Anita.

    Here’s my email address in case you wanna communicate faster and more easily: tobi.nguyenn@gmail.com

    I feel like I can learn a lot from you and I have realized a lot only after reading your replies.

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Tobi. Reason: I want to make things clearer by adding more details
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)