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ImJWL

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #302621
    ImJWL
    Participant

    I feel that he has shown me who he is through his actions towards me. And that due to that he may not change and so I should not settle because he will not change. And the only thing is for me to accept it. Let him live his own life. I do the same and move on and eventually heal and find someone who treats me better.

    #302619
    ImJWL
    Participant

    He did also mention that he had some doubts and when I asked he said that he did not have doubts but wanted to take his time.

     

    My friends suggest I talk to him I’m person rem or over the phone  tell him how I feel and break it off move on. I think that would be best since I dont like the anxiety and since it’s difficult for me to continue as friends and with this type of communication. I also agree that I have to be alone. And find myself and have better boundaries more self value.

    #302609
    ImJWL
    Participant

    So I’m actually going through something similar and could use some extra advice.

    I was married for 8 years and ended the relationship in October 2018. In December, I became lonely and went on a dating app to distract myself and see what was out there and then I met a guy in January 2019. Which I did not expect to meet.

    On the second date we slept together and since January we have been talking. We do see eachother monthly and once weekly although the days that we see eachother has not progressed.

    We keep the conversations to WhatsApp and  have spoken over the phone only a few times when we are meeting up. Generally when we meet up we talk hang out and have a good time pretty light hearted and casual time, and we are very attracted to eachother and after we have sex he sleeps over, or I drive him home. The issue that I am having is that I feel like he is keeping his distance emotionally/ physically and secondly our communication. Mainly his lack of responsiveness or engagement at times on what’s app. Especially recently. He texts me one liners and I respond then I dont hear back from him for the whole day. I have addressed things with him at times on the messenger because we are so limited in time spent or phone calls. Those times have not been alot but have been heavy. Such as when there was last minute cancellations or no word at all.. as well as one time wanting to hang out with my roomates on pur third date, which I broke up with him and went off on him on that occasion. Even though we live 20 minutes away from one another. We dont see eachother very often. So it makes me feel like he is not very jnterested in me or this is just a booty call.

    I’m scared to address him on my feelings our frustration or communication needs . Sometimes I feel like I text alot because I like him and am finding it harder within myself  at times to keep my emotions in check even though I am nice to him.

     

    We did have the talk about where is this going, I dont want to get my feelings hurt if they are not reciprocated get heartbroken And He said that he feels the same way about me as far as feelings but wants to take his time and I agreed about getting to know eachother. He works in hospitality and just arrived in this country last year. He also is young attractive and got out of a relationship of 7 years. Although his Facebook status says still in a relationship and he has pictures not alot with some girls.

    I want to break it off for my mental health and mental space and also because I am afraid if I stay that this pattern of sex not seeing eachother and limited communication will continue and I will not get my needs met and continue to suffer, since I am attached to him and that I will waste my time energy on him and I will eventually explode on him or waste time. Or he will find someone else. I am scared that he may be perhaps stringing me along. And that he is not ready for a relationship with me or does not want a relationship with me or doesnt value me.

    So as you may imagine I’m feeling pretty insecure and stressed any advice on what to do?

    Ps he knows I’m going through a divorce and he is in the process of becoming a citizen.

    #272469
    ImJWL
    Participant

    This is all very good advise… thank you Anita and Mark.. I think that I am going to have to tell him that I am married and cut it off for my own good.. although it kind of sucks.. I dont want to get emotionally attached or hurt.

     

    #272307
    ImJWL
    Participant

    Hi anita.. actually he has kept in touch and messages me daily… I was just anxious because I did not hear from him at all during the day that we had sex.. until I messaged him.. then he responded.. since he messaged me yesterday and this morning.. and said that he wants to keep seeing me with no pressure on both sides.

    #272283
    ImJWL
    Participant

    Thank you for the validation by the way I’ve been struggling with this for the past few weeks as far as feeling guilt for leaving

    #272281
    ImJWL
    Participant

    Yes this makes sense  how do you recommend that I break it to this guy that I’m currently seeing that I’m married going through a divorce

    #272267
    ImJWL
    Participant

    I was leaving from a situation that I really did not want to be in but was tolerating to try to make it work.

     

    I also married him to help him out with citizenship at a young age

    #272265
    ImJWL
    Participant

    Hi Anita… I left for several reasons: loneliness, miscommunication, feeling unappreciated, lack of chemistry, poor communication skills, between us, Alcoholism on his part, me hitting him, lack of emotional intimacy, physical intimacy (pretty much only when he wanted it) …, temptation at work and me not wanting to repair the wounds.. because they were too deep (including several major fights) and I lost motivation to work on the relationship any longer.

    To add… we have been together for 8 years and no kids, although I wanted kids.

    Also my family and therapist were recommending that I leave because I was so unhappy.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)