Forum Replies Created
December 5, 2018 at 2:10 am #267899
Aw thank you Lauren – That’s really thoughtful and kind. For once, – I’m doing OK right now but I love that you offered.
I’d love to hear about your stand-up stuff in Australia though! Sounds amazing….
I just feel that in the Winter, we see the birds migrate, a lot of animals go into hibernation and I believe we are not all that different. There’s a natural feeling to want to retreat inside, to be in the warm and to sleep more and I feel it’s natural to allow ourselves to move along in the best way we can with that shift of season.
I’m also a big believer of eliminating sugar and I largely avoid it too – Only I also believe that a comforting mug of hot chocolate or mulled wine are a great way to go in the colder months and over the Festive season. I’d never deprive myself of chocolate (ha ha!) but all in moderation.
One thing I meant to ask you – was do you have a SAD lamp/ light box?
@ Hi Anita – from my perspective, I’m prone to depression unfortunately and tend to be really affected by life style changes. I used to see an increase in that over the Winter months but less so through out the year unless specifically triggered by a stressful event. I’m more aware now of the potential triggers (SAD being one of them) and I’m prepared now with a lot of tools in place to deal with it if the ghastly symptoms start to creep back in! 🙂December 4, 2018 at 6:07 am #267689
I ensure I take a high dose of Vitamin D through the Winter months, use an occasional sun bed and walk for at least 30 minutes outside, even if it raining or horrible!
I adjust my routine too. In the Summer I would be out and about more, but in the Winter I accept it’s not always possible – so I plan an earlier bedtime because that’s what my body tells me to do. I still get up as early as I would in the Summer though.
I focus on Art projects that keep me indoors, I read more, catch up on films & box sets I don’t tend to bother with in the Summer. I also experiment a lot more in the kitchen with new recipes, wholesome Winter soups & stews.
I continue to plan meet ups with friends, go for warming hot chocolate in cafes, keep myself as busy as I would in the brighter months.
Finally I ensure I’m as mindful as possible to maintain a healthy, positive state of mind through out. I focus on the beauty of the night skies, the “colours” of the Winter months. I search for holly, mistletoe – I love the beauty of red berries at this time. I observe nature, feed the birds.
I’m not always as positive, I’m prone to depression too – but these simple things all really help. 🙂December 3, 2018 at 7:32 am #267523
I very closely relate to where you are coming from Elisabeth and I’m so sorry you are going through the pain of it all.
I was with a good person too, we shared so much, we were good together, we worked, we talked about a future, but unfortunately this guy was so messed up with external circumstances that he had no self esteem and the course of our relationship went in pretty much the same direction as your experience. He just become more and more emotionally distant. For me this all happened fairly quickly towards the end as he decided to move away, despite him constantly telling me still that he loved me and that he didn’t want to lose me. Even then however, he didn’t include me in his future plans & visions. The emotional detachment on his part was so clear.
Arguably, I saw it coming, I could have pulled out sooner, but I didn’t – I continued somehow thinking I could make things better, I could “help” him, make things better and I invested too much of my own time & energy into the situation. This was my mistake – but I’m not going to beat myself up over it, I put this part down to learning and moving on to becoming wiser.
I was heart-broken – it’s taken me months to get through this. (At times you want that person back so badly, it hurts so bad) I also had to contend with the loss of my brother at the start of the year, which was horrendous, and 6 months later, the loss of someone living that I loved deeply.
Pretty much a whole year of grief in one form or another for me.
However, although it’s not been easy and I’ve been through the onset of much anxiety and depression this year, I made a decision to turn the situation around with self love and start a new Chapter – the new Chapter being “Me” and no one else.
I have largely put myself through self therapy this year – That’s involved reviewing unhealthy behavioural & thought processes, “stuck” ways of thinking, distorted beliefs and then focusing on so much self love, learning to be assertive, setting firmer boundaries in relationships, that kind of thing. On top of this – I meditate, I practice mindfulness, I show gratitude, I exercise daily, I do good things for “me” and when you start religiously doing those things, good things happen & snowball.
What’s been a largely horrible year to date is turning into a very new and exciting chapter because I am finally finding “me” – the “real me” that I abandoned when I met “him” and I won’t do this to myself again. I am vibrating at that higher level.
The work I’ve done has opened new doors, new opportunities. I’ve even dated new men in the process but at the age of 46 (so 39 is nothing to worry about…!) I don’t WANT a man – not yet! I’m having way too much fun with myself now – connecting with old friends and doing exactly what “I” want to be doing with my life….
And yes, the ex got back in touch after a few months to say he was wrong and guess what? – I don’t want him anymore!!
I found the inner strength and clarity to realise that as much as I love him (still do) he is wrong for me and my personal growth.
So Elisabeth, please don’t fret – your grieving & emotions are normal. Just shift your focus now fully on to “you” and keep up the self love & work through anything you feel is keeping you “stuck”. There are so many online resources now to provide you with the cognitive tools to do this powerful work on yourself.
My only tip would be to reinforce your dis-attachment to him and the thought of any potential future with him.
I’m not saying that things won’t work out for you in the future with him – because actually sometimes they do, but you do need to be fully detached to move on properly and as hard as this is, it’s the best thing you can do for “you”.
I do wish you all the very best in your journey. Sending love.December 3, 2018 at 7:31 am #267497
I’ve been dealing with this too and this is what I’m learning:
Think about someone in your life that you love with all your heart. This may be a child, a close friend, a relative.
Think deeply about the emotion involved, how your heart bursts with love & compassion for them, what you would do for them, how you would help them if they were going through difficult times and asked for your support, how you would react if they’d told you they were having a bad day or they’d made a mistake that was upsetting them.
These actions and feelings are exactly the same way you should be treating yourself.
You need to love YOURSELF as passionately and as deeply as you would another. This means you don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes, you pay yourself compliments, you treat yourself.
In doing this, you may need to be assertive, you may need to set boundaries, you must learn to say “No” to people & demands that drain your energy or time or finances, you must learn to be “selfish” for your own needs and you don’t always need to provide explanations or apologise for doing these things. You are also allowed to change your mind.
Always treat yourself, do things and take actions that make YOU feel good – This could be booking yourself a massage, planning a trip, engaging in a hobby that you love, even the simplest actions such as making yourself a nice cup of tea or looking a mirror and thinking how great your hair looks today.
Always practice gratitude. What made you smile today? What silver lining came from a difficult situation? How did you make someone feel good? How did you help someone else out? – It is essential to continue to show kindness to others and deep appreciation to help boost our own mental health & promote well-being in many different areas of our lives.