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Jane

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  • November 14, 2020 at 7:47 am #369302
    Jane
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    There isn’t another woman. There could be another one that he’s talking to casually, but no one serious. He can’t do that right now.

    his life is really stressful and he is a really great guy. He thinks that he couldn’t give me what I need right now.
    When I started dating him I had a pretty solid list of criteria that I was looking for and would work for me. I am 30 so I Starting to take my dating more seriously. One of my main criteria is that he knew where he wanted to be and he had a stable job. He did when I met him. Then a month into us dating he quit that job and started traveling for a month at a time for work. Though it wasn’t what I wanted I found him to be everything I looked for in a man and he was so incredible I tried my best to be supportive and see that this is temporary.

    however, during this period, I became emotionally unavailable because fears started coming up because of this change. I would act distant in little ways and I think he really felt it.

     

    then I did something that he felt was disrespectful. That day at the beach I mentioned earlier. I can understand how he felt it was disrespectful, however I can also see my point of view. There was really only 3 options I had: 1) continue to sit on the beach by myself and feel terrible 2) pull him out from surfing and ask him to sit with me, which would then make me feel stupid and possible make him resent me 3) accept he chose to surf instead of being with me and that is what he really wanted to do and let him do it…but also to not put myself in an uncomfortable situation and leave. So I chose 3.

    I honestly do see the validity of us not being together. But it sucks because the way our break up went down shows that there is a bunch of feelings there. It went on for a month of “let me think about it’s” and him not wanting to lose our connection but him feeling that he had nothing to give. And I agree, he doesn’t. I Never wanted to lose him. He is beyond special to me…the day I met him I felt like I knew him my whole life. It was magic in every way. Our time together was a daydream and I hope he still feels the same way.

    when officially stoped hashing things out, I told him that I really thought he was going to be the one and that I wanted to start a family with him. Because I honestly did. And I honestly do.

    he’s off on a new work trip, and with covid, his client has him basically on lock down. He reaches out to me because of little things, but nothing huge. I respond but I don’t reach out. I don’t like his social media posts. He likes all mine. His aunt and his mom like my photos too.

    im hoping when he comes back in January we can restart. He’s the right guy at the right time in my life just at the wrong moment in his.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Jane.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Jane.
    November 14, 2020 at 7:25 am #369299
    Jane
    Participant

    Hello, thank you so much for your response.

    This does ring true for myself. The way I related to him changed a bit when he went on his first work trip.

    I remember him telling me about this new change in lifestyle and though I was happy for him and shared his excitement, I felt my heart drop for myself. I did start to act emotionally unavailable when he went away and push him away in little ways and I know he felt it. I didn’t mean to, he just changed his lifestyle and that was actually a criteria I was looking for heavily when I met him – someone who is happy where they are at and stable in their life. He was and then he made a huge lifestyle change.

    I would push him away in little ways while he was away. I would say that I don’t want to FaceTime that night and not give a reason, I would not want to watch a TV show that we set up as our “from distance date night” and not give a reason. He felt that. And then when he was back, I got an Uber home from the beach because he put me in a tough situation and I thought it was best to leave. That is the initial thing that ended our relationship.

    he’s said it all as a reason though.
    he’s said it was because of the way I acted at the beach, he said it will never be the same, he said it’s because of his work and he doesn’t have time. He said all those things while still sayi go he doesn’t want to lose out connection and that he loves me. He wanted to be friends but I told him I couldn’t do that because I love him too much. He reaches out, and still likes pretty much all my instagram photos. I haven’t been engaging with him because he broke up with me after all. He severed ties at our first disagreement. He never showed any concern for why I left the beach, he was just upset with me that I did. I still think it was the Right thing to do in a crappy no-win situation.

    I honestly just want a shot again but I don’t know what to do. I am afraid of being friend zoned

    November 4, 2020 at 4:50 pm #368669
    Jane
    Participant

    he told me he loved me and that he didn’t want to lose our connection.

    And the love making was better for him than it was for me…I know by his reaction.

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