Yeah that’s what I think too in regards to Glen. Like literally the message in itself and the response was the actual question really. But I definitely wasn’t going to press him further about it. Its relieving to know he’s exactly the same person he was 6 months ago. Me and you both know Anita that 1. There’s nothing else to be said and 2. even still Glen; the Glen we both know never uses his words to his positive advantage. There would be times there was a million things he could have said to resolve or bring light into something and he would always choose the latter. So of course that was his approach which yes the contact was out of character for him…(but people talk a good game with that you will never hear from me again crap) but not enough for me to be like oh wow that was so unlike him..blah blah blahh lol

So yea, over that. I just told myself to forget it even happened. Besides I am dating John and conversing with some other guys that I’ve met over social media that live in my area just getting to know them. I’m preoccupied enough to focus on my goals and not be distracted by drama that he would DEF bring if I had even made one more inquiry as to what he wanted.

Yeah I am ready to move back ‘home’ though. I just don’t want to feel like I am rushing it or anything.

I do think itll be the solution to a few issues I am having which is not being in that city very often, not seeing my friends as often, not knowing ppl where I live, not being in a place I find comfortable, and being able to see John more. But sooner rather than later I’d like to move back the job pays well enough that If I started it in Oct I could move by November really. But if I didn’t I could save so much money. Its just hard for me to see my motivations clearly. But my independence is very important to me as well. It may not bother most people but I enjoy going to a home that MINE and coming in and doing whatever I want and being alone. My mom is not worrisome and leaves me alone a vast majority of the time. But still I would like to just be by myself. I am going back to school in August 2019 hopefully in the city. So why not go ahead and make the transition?

Also my birthday is next week. So that’ll be interesting to see how that’s going to go. Geeezz the suspense. I kind of just set myself to have no expectations so that I don’t get disappointed. But I don’t know why I get like this lately I used to always be so excited for my birthday. Yet again, Im not really feeling this one this year. But time is going to pass regardless. I like organized things and this is kinda spotty just because my money is wavering and with that comes the ability to kind of do whatever I want. Im not in the shape I would like to be in…so many things.

Hey there!

Im good. Just working and stuff. Ironing out the details of my life coming.

Started a healthy routine. Losing weight. I get up at like 4:50am MWF.

Still dating John lol.

But you are never gonna guess who text me Sunday………GLEN!

He said “I have a question”

i sent a ? Back and he put a questioning notification on it and I said what’s the question. He never text me back. ….

I guess that was his question. Smh. He’s annoying.

Yeah. I guess we will see how this getting over John thing is gonna go.

Anita…

So much has been going on in my head.

Why do I miss Glen….like a lot ? Ughh

I feel like I’m second guessing my decision..

& John things are just okay. Nothing spectacular. I don’t know if me and John just aren’t on the same page. Or he just isn’t that into me anymore. Or the fact that I live a hour away stifles our way of doing the dating thing how we are used to.

But it seems like when I’m there things are good. And then I leave and it’s like we’re associates of sorts. We don’t really talk when we’re apart and probably see him every 2 weeks and I go up there.

I cant get mad at someone for not feeling exactly how I feel exactly when I feel it but I just sometimes don’t know what to expect from him and our interactions.

I know this isn’t a movie and I didn’t expect him to just leap into my arms the day we met up but since then it’s just been kind of the same monotone thing. There are moments of spark but others lack luster. I don’t really give as much as I did before because it is risky me being there exposed; my feelings all out and to do the actions that reflect my feelings would just be too much without any commitment from him. Giving him everything hurt last time so I have kind of a wall up and he can tell.

I try to examine how he is thinking. Last weekend we hung out Friday-Sunday. We went to one of his events out of town and it was nice. But also reminded me of who exactly I was dealing with too.

Nobody is perfect. I know.

But back to my earlier metaphor. I didn’t expect the Disney “oh I’ve been waiting for you all this time let’s go get married” but it’s been 4 months since we have been dating again and I don’t really even feel a shift in his feelings. Like his handling of me is still the same.

We had a discusssion about my feelings on the drive back last Sunday and he just listened and conversed with me. We have a very healthy line of communication. But he as well said that transparently he doesn’t feel that “want” for me yet. I can appreciate the honesty. Because frankly we both know I didn’t leave my relationship FOR him. And I don’t necessarily want to be in a relationship with him Right Now. I just feel like it should feel different. Or something should be different. But I can’t decide if I’m overthinking it or not.

Hunt and me are threwwww.

If I get nothing less from any of the past guys I interact with. I just want closed/locked doors so I can move on with my life

yes or no answers. In a lot of my lingering relationships in the past I now I noticed the big thing in common was the lack of closure

nothing shutting the door on our relationship but just leave it cracked and then those same dudes who end up not being important effect the relationships I’m actually in. It’s a issue.

Like Hunt ; it’s a pretty hard pill to swallow that I literally am fine with never talking to him again . It is a revelation of about 3 weeks ago. However I still think, the birthday fiasco would have never happened if I had realized this before. If I had this closure before that it was clear he doesn’t care about me, we aren’t for each other and so on. But as well being confident in that. So that I don’t even think him because I know I don’t want that anymore based on the clear actions he showed me over the past few months. But that really put a huge strain on my relationship. It’s why we started talking..

As welllll in my months of solitude I have realized many things and to jump back to Glen that’s I guess where these thoughts creep in.

I’ve been doing good with ignoring the Glen thoughts. But (short story) John had 2 events that weekend. The day before I was supposed to come he called me and said yeah so I got booked and I just wanted to tell you since your coming that you can come with. But also I wanted to tell you last time I was here your ex (Glen) was here. So you can decide. It’s up to you if you don’t want to go I understand.

but in that moment. It’s was like he made him a person again. The little box I placed him in my mind is gone and I had to decide whether or not to go.

I didn’t go.

For more than 1 reason. I was sick. I was kinda tired. But also…because of him.

I can’t place why. But the fact that I didn’t want him to see me there with him Idk what to do with that.

So yeah. That’s all the anxious thoughts I need help sorting thru. Lol

ill wait for your reply in the morning. 🙂

Yeah I’ll  need another one. Unfortunately. But A year and a half-2 years isn’t that long. It’s either that or go straight to law school and I just don’t know if that’s what I want.

But yeah I’m trying to just keep everything in perspective

Yeah.

I’m probably going to work part time till Spring and then go back to school for Public Health.

Me and John, I’m just taking it really slow. I missed him so I’m glad to have him back in my life. I just want to not get attached to him too quickly or for no reason. so I keep my distance while I try and get to a better place on my own.

I’m doing good/ok. Been with my mom now for 3 months. Me and Glen stayed broken up. We haven’t talked since that day. I’ve seen John we are hanging out.

Recently I’ve just had this overwhelming sense of missing Glen and no one to talk to about it :/

Maybe it’s because of the recent move into my moms house forced me to look at all of our stuff again and/or acknowledge our stuff. Because when I came I kind of only had my necessities until she closed on her house.

Hmm. Yea. I don’t know what I’m going thru.

Yeah that makes sense.

Hunt just operates on his own time. It’s not like he is necessarily late or not punctual. He just prioritizes himself and his convenience first. He does have a kinda busy life (I used to not understand that).

I respect it really. But it still annoys me.