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Jenny Lynn

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 141 total)
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  • Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Yes indeed. We will talk soon 🙂

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    That’s the plan.!

    Bare min. Lose 60 lbs, pay off my debts, take my test, and give my life some CONTEXT.

    That’s important for me to take place in the moment. Ive been trying to do that lately. Just take a few moments a day to be fully conscious in everything that’s going on in that moment. Just taking stock of my day and finding gratitude.

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Yeah its crazy how much we let what other people think effect what goes on in our lives. Because it a threefold situation. I feel that unspoken pressure and I in turn put pressure on my relationship which pushed John away and then we dont get together because its like I am trying to force things.

    That isnt what I want. I dont just want John without any context for how he actually treats me and what our lives will be together. I want the man that is for me and wants me. If that isnt John it just isnt.

    But as far as feeling like there is a timeline for when me and him get together or scaling that “he should know already” like I said Im wanting him to do something that I dont even know if I want. I’ve came to realize I am here with him because he brings me more happiness and has the potential for a succesful relationship more than any previous guy I have dated I feel the best with him. But WHO HE IS, am I okay with that. I love him I do, but its not end all be all anymore. I told him recently, I think he harps on the idea of thinking I want to be with him so badly and the black and white truth is I DONT. I was like who you are to me right now is not someone I want to be in a relationship with. You know that saying dont think a couch will stop being a couch when you get into a relationship. Thats how I feel. People start relationships because things are so good DATING that you want it to be more committed and go further. You want more of what you are getting. Him, as we are right now. I cant say that, I told him he needs to be someone I want to date as well. It isnt all about him, I want more of him…but not in this context SO, IF I did start a relationship with him, to expect anything other than what I get now would be silly of me. He has to be worthy of being with me as well. ANDDDDD if he doesnt by the time someone else comes along well I guess we will all deal with the consequences of that situation. lol

    —–

    I am still living with my mom. Trying to get my finances in order, I dont know exactly how long my stay will be now. I was hoping May but who knows.

    I just need to make sure that I have my credit balances paid off by the time I want to go to school.

    Ive really been visualizing my entrepreneurship potential I try not to let it distract me though.

    I need to prepare to take this test in Nov.

    This is a very big year for me, a lot of important preparatory things that need to go right.

    ————–

    health wise, Ive got a okkkkk handle on my weight and eating healthy. Im starting a dietbet next week to lose 60lbs in 6 months and I’ll bet myself $100 a month =$600 invested and I’ll win $1950 if I do it ORRRR lose my money haha.

    Talk about motivation when that 4am alarm goes off. But that will put me back at the size I was when I lost weight back in 2015/16. So achievable nothing crazy. Ive already lost 45 since april. so July would be 105 thats alot. I was super freaking fat though Glen had me out here looking crazy hahaha.

    —–

    But yeah; my job is as well going good. Hopefully is permanent! cross your fingers!

     

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Well its a new year and I am looking forward to greener pastures.

    I am still dating John, Lorrrrrd. lol

    Nothing official yet. But truthfully its not what I want right now anyways.

    I am working on my patience and gratitude. Even though he isnt giving me exactly what I THINK I want doesn’t mean there is something wrong with our relationship.

    I am open to being with people other than him I just prefer him. He makes me feel safe and comfortable and even if he doesnt alway match my energy I dont feel like I am in a bad place with him.

    I want natural progression and feelings

    Its really other peoples opinions that effect me the most. That innate thing like I feel  I should be with him or we should be more blah blah blah, is just me being impressionable to the opinions of others and what they think.

    Right now for me I can be with him or without him and that is a good feeling for me.

    I will be ok, but if I got to decide right now I would pick him.

    But I dont want to pick anyone right now, I am dating, I talk to other people, I am making a valorous attempt at seeing whats out there.

    A female he dates contacted me last week. I was really proud abt how little it effected me. She gave me her spiel and I just told her simply, I can understand why you are upset but I dont have anything to be upset about.

    Me and him have a pretty open line of communication these days, if I want to know something I ask and vice versa. We stopped sleeping together back when my birthday happened because to me that was just another headache. I dont need to be sleeping with him if I am not in a relationship with him. Like that girl, if I was still sleeping with him it would probably mad me more upset because it may have been him being deceptive or something. But no, Im dating a guy who we have decided mutally we see other people. So as far as what she thinks or thought I cant feel her feelings cuz I dont have those kind of bets up for him anymore. There would have been a time I KNOW I would have been so bothered by that. But I know at the end of the day whatever happens between me and him will happen. Everything always comes out and if he isnt for me I will just move on with my life.

    Nexxxxxxxxxxt topic. lol

    I am seeing a better view of life these days. So I kind of just let things indirect to me fall off my shoulders ya know.

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Merry Christmas Anita !! 🙂

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    So I should just not care?

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Yeah I actually just remembered to bring it up. We always talk about my male relationships. But I have a friendship issue. Me and my best friend of almost 7 and a half years just stopped talking. Like she almost ghosted me. I hung out with her April 6th and then after that he reply’s and things were shaky and sparse. I haven’t seen her since then. Talked to her on the phone and haven’t exchanged a text since end of May. Both our birthdays just recently passed and she told me Happy Birthday ….I didn’t respond. I didn’t tell her on hers either.

    My feelings about it are a lot yet I don’t know really what to do about it. It’s a longer story than this. But I’m tired and don’t feel like typing too much more.

    However, I was looking for a large coffee cup today (random I know)  but I grabbed this one and it was a Christmas gift from her this year that just passed I think. It says “We have to be best friends forever because you already know to much” that was always a joke between us.

    I thought to myself this morning. Oh how things change.

    I don’t know how to feel about it sometimes.

    John says it’s crap because we haven’t talked. But to me what is there to really talk about?

    nothing happened I just felt like she wanted to be left alone. Or her friendship with me was no longer c convenient for her to invest in. Idk. But I’d been feeling that way for a while.

    But yeah it’s a lot

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Hi there!

    I’m good.

    I got that job I told you about back in the city I used to live in!

    I kept my car, idk if I mention that but that was a big decision I had to make.

    I’m still dating John. Ugh. I love him. I can’t stand it. Im being patient and either I’m going to get the result I want or I don’t and I can’t move on to my next relationship and not have the “what if” hanging over my head.

    His effort is slightly lacking. It’s hard for him because I don’t live there. Small disconnect.

    But im here m-f now so we shall see if things change a bit. If not I have accepted that I may just have to move on.

    I’m 10 weeks into a healthy routine 20lbs down.

    My jobs pays really really well so I’m not super concerned about money these days.

    Not dating anyone else other than John though.  i think I told u me and Hunt had a falling out officially. But he contacted me a few weeks ago trying to get back cool. I told him how I felt about him and told him to leave me alone. Haven’t heard from Glen anymore BUT! I didn’t creep on his Facebook and notice he had just changed his profile photo. It was a shot of him at a restaurant eating….my favorite restaurant…like there’s never a version of life where he’d go there and not think of me…he doesn’t even like their food lol! So I think that was a hint at me.

    I try to meet knew ppl no catches for me yet.

    Thats about all I have going on right now.

    All I really do these days is drive, work, workout, cook, watch netflix, and sleep haha…see John.

     

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Jenny Lynn.
    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Yeah I guess in those moments of vulnerability I disconnect.

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Yea, I guess I have to find someone I trust enough to share with transparently.

    I think I have realized I kind of have trust issues. I don’t think I have ever told you this maybe may be not but its hard for me to carry conversation with consistent eye contact with new people or ‘inconsistent’ people in my life. I have been doing this since I was probably 13. I remember this boy I liked in school he was like, why cant you look me in the eye. I was like because..I don’t trust you. Flash forward to now. Even when I talk to John I find myself coming back and forth with the eye contact. Like staying looking is too much. I noticed that heavily this weekend it was in the forefront of my thoughts. John tends to stare at me and I was staring back at him but I break the connection..like its too much..I don’t know how to describe it. lol

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Thank you for my birthday wishes!! lol 🙂

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Hello there, just getting to a computer again. I hadn’t been at work in days. I actually caught the Flu ( I guess that’s what it was).

    It was horrible. I willed it away for my birthday though. So my weekend went well. My birthday was really fantastic. I got really emotional about it yesterday when I got home it was just really amazing overall. I just wish I had more time. Ill be doing residual birthday things for the next week probably lol.

    I did read what you wrote day 1. Very enlightening. Jogged my memory, I didn’t hear from Glen but I appreciated the post incase I did. Motivation to leave him where he is at.

    I really like what you wrote Day 2. I really am working on being a better person. I appreciate your outward perception on me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not seeing things clearly. But all of what you said was thoughtful and appreciated 🙂

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Aww I’m Excited Anita!

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Thanks Kavita.

    Awww okay Anita I’ll make sure I come check 🙂

    I’m getting a little more excited for my birthday. I thought you’d be glad to here. You know how I get. Lol

    But today was pretty chill, I just hung out with my brother. He’s in town so we went to gym and watched some movies.

    I have to prep Alllll my food tmrw for the week cuz I’ll be making cake and stuff later in the week and I have so little time these days. So hopefully I do it.

    I’m just trying my best to not get distracted though. Working on Gratitude and Patience.

    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    It’s the 28th lol

    but yes focus. I am a high powered machine right now driven by the need for change.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 141 total)