That’s the plan.!

Bare min. Lose 60 lbs, pay off my debts, take my test, and give my life some CONTEXT.

That’s important for me to take place in the moment. Ive been trying to do that lately. Just take a few moments a day to be fully conscious in everything that’s going on in that moment. Just taking stock of my day and finding gratitude.

Well its a new year and I am looking forward to greener pastures.

I am still dating John, Lorrrrrd. lol

Nothing official yet. But truthfully its not what I want right now anyways.

I am working on my patience and gratitude. Even though he isnt giving me exactly what I THINK I want doesn’t mean there is something wrong with our relationship.

I am open to being with people other than him I just prefer him. He makes me feel safe and comfortable and even if he doesnt alway match my energy I dont feel like I am in a bad place with him.

I want natural progression and feelings

Its really other peoples opinions that effect me the most. That innate thing like I feel  I should be with him or we should be more blah blah blah, is just me being impressionable to the opinions of others and what they think.

Right now for me I can be with him or without him and that is a good feeling for me.

I will be ok, but if I got to decide right now I would pick him.

But I dont want to pick anyone right now, I am dating, I talk to other people, I am making a valorous attempt at seeing whats out there.

A female he dates contacted me last week. I was really proud abt how little it effected me. She gave me her spiel and I just told her simply, I can understand why you are upset but I dont have anything to be upset about.

Me and him have a pretty open line of communication these days, if I want to know something I ask and vice versa. We stopped sleeping together back when my birthday happened because to me that was just another headache. I dont need to be sleeping with him if I am not in a relationship with him. Like that girl, if I was still sleeping with him it would probably mad me more upset because it may have been him being deceptive or something. But no, Im dating a guy who we have decided mutally we see other people. So as far as what she thinks or thought I cant feel her feelings cuz I dont have those kind of bets up for him anymore. There would have been a time I KNOW I would have been so bothered by that. But I know at the end of the day whatever happens between me and him will happen. Everything always comes out and if he isnt for me I will just move on with my life.

Nexxxxxxxxxxt topic. lol

I am seeing a better view of life these days. So I kind of just let things indirect to me fall off my shoulders ya know.

So I should just not care?

Hi there!

I’m good.

I got that job I told you about back in the city I used to live in!

I kept my car, idk if I mention that but that was a big decision I had to make.

I’m still dating John. Ugh. I love him. I can’t stand it. Im being patient and either I’m going to get the result I want or I don’t and I can’t move on to my next relationship and not have the “what if” hanging over my head.

His effort is slightly lacking. It’s hard for him because I don’t live there. Small disconnect.

But im here m-f now so we shall see if things change a bit. If not I have accepted that I may just have to move on.

I’m 10 weeks into a healthy routine 20lbs down.

My jobs pays really really well so I’m not super concerned about money these days.

Not dating anyone else other than John though.  i think I told u me and Hunt had a falling out officially. But he contacted me a few weeks ago trying to get back cool. I told him how I felt about him and told him to leave me alone. Haven’t heard from Glen anymore BUT! I didn’t creep on his Facebook and notice he had just changed his profile photo. It was a shot of him at a restaurant eating….my favorite restaurant…like there’s never a version of life where he’d go there and not think of me…he doesn’t even like their food lol! So I think that was a hint at me.

I try to meet knew ppl no catches for me yet.

Thats about all I have going on right now.

All I really do these days is drive, work, workout, cook, watch netflix, and sleep haha…see John.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Jenny Lynn.

Yea, I guess I have to find someone I trust enough to share with transparently.

I think I have realized I kind of have trust issues. I don’t think I have ever told you this maybe may be not but its hard for me to carry conversation with consistent eye contact with new people or ‘inconsistent’ people in my life. I have been doing this since I was probably 13. I remember this boy I liked in school he was like, why cant you look me in the eye. I was like because..I don’t trust you. Flash forward to now. Even when I talk to John I find myself coming back and forth with the eye contact. Like staying looking is too much. I noticed that heavily this weekend it was in the forefront of my thoughts. John tends to stare at me and I was staring back at him but I break the connection..like its too much..I don’t know how to describe it. lol

Hello there, just getting to a computer again. I hadn’t been at work in days. I actually caught the Flu ( I guess that’s what it was).

It was horrible. I willed it away for my birthday though. So my weekend went well. My birthday was really fantastic. I got really emotional about it yesterday when I got home it was just really amazing overall. I just wish I had more time. Ill be doing residual birthday things for the next week probably lol.

I did read what you wrote day 1. Very enlightening. Jogged my memory, I didn’t hear from Glen but I appreciated the post incase I did. Motivation to leave him where he is at.

I really like what you wrote Day 2. I really am working on being a better person. I appreciate your outward perception on me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not seeing things clearly. But all of what you said was thoughtful and appreciated 🙂

Thanks Kavita.

Awww okay Anita I’ll make sure I come check 🙂

I’m getting a little more excited for my birthday. I thought you’d be glad to here. You know how I get. Lol

But today was pretty chill, I just hung out with my brother. He’s in town so we went to gym and watched some movies.

I have to prep Alllll my food tmrw for the week cuz I’ll be making cake and stuff later in the week and I have so little time these days. So hopefully I do it.

I’m just trying my best to not get distracted though. Working on Gratitude and Patience.