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August 1, 2020 at 2:11 pm in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #363486
@anita I feel confused and weird out at the same time, its like did he really just see her like that and didn’t in fact idealize her and since he has seen her in person , she looks more beautiful in person than in the pictures that I have seen? And she looks way different in person, its all confusing just fie the fact that ge always insists that this woman us precious, beautiful, super body etc etc, it really creates a huge curiosity in me!
My friend also said that perhaps I need some sort of validation from him and the fact that when he mentioned this woman the first time, he never compared me or said” but babe your more beautiful and better looking”maybe that left me wondering/ lingering if he sees her more beautiful or better than me?! And has created big curiosity in me?!
what do you truly think @anita?August 1, 2020 at 7:38 am in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #363432
@anita To be honest yes, he did not say everything in a complete manner but they match and are true, imagine all their conversations history is in his backup, what I did notice is that she seems like a nice girl, he told me that at some time but then she was divaish and love to flirt with every men ( perhaps it’s in her nature) but the way she spoke and the things she said she seems nice ( just by what I saw).
This woman was indeed going through a rough time at that moment they began to speak more frequently and more upclose she had break up with her boyfriend and then found out he had cheated on her ( her boyfriend was going out with another women at the same time with her) so she was heartbroken at that moment and my bf was insistently trying to prove her that he was a good man and would make her happy.
He seemed all over the place for her and she could tell ( I saw this by the way she responded to him) she tells him :” how can you love me if you don’t even know me) he kept saying that he was falling so deep in love with her and that he loved her ( he did this same thing with me in the second month of dating) and I told him this couldn’t be it was to soon.
This sounds like limerance, euphoria, infatuation etc but it’s definitely not normal.
He was literally telling her the craziest things ( which screamed my self esteem is so low!) he said your highness milady I will be at your ankles, I love your legs, I want to kiss you and hug you all night blah blah ( this is how wrote to her everyday they chatted).
A question anita, does limerance makes you exaggerate attributes or qualities ? It just intrigues me so much that he insists that this woman ( even in the messages he tells her) has a super sexy body, and it’s funny cause she tells him that she does not see herself voluptuous, that she is thin. And he acts like if she had a curvy body when she obviously doesn’tJuly 31, 2020 at 4:58 pm in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #363398
@anita, Exactly some weird situation.
I just feel weird because my curiosity beat me and I began reading all his history of conversations with her and boy oh boy this man was head over heals literally begging her to be with him and that she was his mylady, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, he loved everything about her, would do anything for her.
He would even ask her for selfies everyday she arrived at the building with a cute outfit he would go crazy for her to send him pictures.
he even said she was as beautiful as Marilyn monroe, and that she had wore an outfit ine day just like her ( mind you she doesn’t look anything like Marilyn ) he said he would have loved to take pictures and videos of her when she had a Marilyn Monroe moment.
He bought her flowers and chocolates and told her that he couldn’t stop thinking about her and she had a magnetism and he would get real anxious to see her in the building office each morning .😱😱
I knew he was really fixated on her but not this level holly molly, this is crazy, thank god I had my suspicions and they did not fail. ( ghis guy saw this woman as if she was the last drink in the dessert, so weird, especially with so many beautiful women out there.July 31, 2020 at 8:46 am in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #363347
@anita, Exactly it must be something weird in his head, because he has talked to me about this woman like 10 + times in different occasions, first time he even said she was a model and executive in her job, etc, and since I am very curious I found out she’s not. He has to have some sort of personal problem to why he does this, cause I would never say even my ex bf was super handsome, I would never say he was a model or anything that ridiculous.
It gets to me that he over exaggerates her attributes and I feel the reason is 1-) because as I said he idealized her to the end and 2-) to make me feel insecure, plus he is insecure and of course 3-) To make himself look more valuable and interesting 🤔
Another thing is that maybe because he got married to an older woman when he was 30 and this woman looked like his mom ( when he got divorced he began to see the real light, and meeting more younger prettier girls, including this one and he went crazy cause he began to live his life again and do the things that he couldn’t before.July 30, 2020 at 6:29 am in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #363203
@anita, eek I don’t think so anita lol, I just think by everything that I saw all those conversations he was madly falling over this woman, he would just go gaga every new day, he woukd be wow you look amazing in your outfit today.
she wore different cute outfits everyday to go the this luxurious building office, he was literally begging this woman to be with him, that she was his queen, and she was the only eoman he wanted to be with, marry and have children with 😱, and they were not even in a relationship yet and he was telling her all these stuff.
He even told her :” I love you” and they weren’t ever together, just went out a couple of times, chat a lot on the mobile and saw each other everyday on this building due to work.( by the way the second month of him and I dating he said the same thing : “ I love you” I told him that could not be possible it was to soon, he said he meant it, I still couldn’t believe him ( a lot young men do this to get in women’s pants, mind you my boyfriend is 49.
I wonder if he has some mental, emotional, girlfriend problems?
Plus taking other girls he dated including ME! to the top of this same building were him and this wonder woman met just says a lot, what where his intentions? Make her jealous, for me or the other girls he dated to SEE this woman? What really.July 29, 2020 at 5:25 pm in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #363164
@anita, Hi there anita I have an update,
NEW UPDATE!!! Hi anita and everybody else so my boyfriend and I had already talked about this after I posted here and took in consideration all of your opinions and we sorted things out, he apologized says he loves me and it was “ never with the intention of anything “ he said he felt comfortable speaking with me about it and so on, so I decided to give him a chance and start from there but recently I found out some things I didn’t know of which I don’t know what to think of.
And just a disclaimer I wasn’t snooping, I was working on a hard drive he gave me to save some pictures from his work and it appeared literally in my face, I believe he had forgotten or thought they were not there.
For those of you who never read my PAST thread il give a brief explanation below.
Around August 2016 my now boyfriend as an engineer that he is, started working on a luxurious residential building on the beach where he met this girl that caught his eye big time, he has talked to me about this girl a couple of times now ( last time was February 2020).
So when he spoke about her to me, he always said how beautiful, model looking this girl is, that she had all these rich men sending her flowers etc, and that all the men that lived in that building were after her. He even said she had a COKE BOTTLE BODY ( which is a lie, cause I have seen her already, it’s IDEALIZED and all in his head.
Why in the world would he even exaggerate this woman’s attributes when I know he is in fact exaggerating them, it makes him seem more obsessed, the girl is attractive and pretty but nothing as he describes her.
They began to date in around Jan-Feb 2017 , they never ended up having a real relationship but I feel that he IDEALIZED way to much and was deeply falling for her. ( she had gone through a break up with her past boyfriend due to the fact that he cheated on her.
So most recently I discovered he has an album of her and this other girl he dated after her on his mobile gallery, and even worse he has 3 folders of backups, of this building that he worked in and met her, including a backup of her pictures and snapshots of all their whatsapp conversations , all stored in a hardrive. WHY IN THE WORLD KEEP 3 FOLDERS BACKUPS OF SCREENSHOTS FROm ALL THEIR CONVERSATIONS AND PICTURES?
It seems this man was really into this girl or at least obsessed about her, cause from the way he talked to me about her and all this collection of her photos ( including sexy pictures), conversations and some pictures of them, plus it was obvious that they talked to each other/ dated longer that what he had told me. ( ps nobody obsesses so quickly about someone they don’t even know.
Another thing I find very STRANGE is that he ALSO took the girl he went out with after this girl to the building she works in, HE ALSO TOOK ME.
Another thing I want to ask, and need you to be real honest is , why hasn’t he ever compared me physically to her or at least ( knowing that I am good looking, great body) at least say to me but your way more better looking than her babe,, you know like some real honest reassurance cause I am his girlfriend now, that’s just the PAST!!May 14, 2020 at 2:35 pm in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #355040
@anita, Well to be honest, from a couple of months back since last year,, everytime I put a movie or a tv show and he recognizes an actress or even if he does not recognizes her he always always say;”oh she is this actress, yeah she is very beautiful or sexy or whatever.
And these comments, have been there since a few months back, maybe insecurity again!! Or low self esteem!. Cause I am 17 years younger than him.
Trust me @anita this us ALWAYS!!!!!May 14, 2020 at 11:36 am in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #354978
@anita, Exactly, a good friend of mines told me that she did not see this girl as beautiful as he sees her, that she is pretty and attractive but nothing especial or extraordinary as he sees in her. She also told me that she believes he makes a story up and poofs it as to his idealization to her, in less words he makes up parts of this story as to his fantasies wishes.
She said he “wants you to feel less of yourself and think highly of her and HIM, so he gets some sort of ego strokes and seems more interesting and appealing to you.
He blowed that story out of proportion or the actual reality to his convenience, she told me its called triangulation or gaslighting.
And she also said that she feels he us not telling me all the truth about them or what really happened, she says there has to be something more to this story…
Plus why wound he give me such intimate details about how sexy or beautiful her nody looked in panties and bra. He was like:” no joke this girl is precious and she has an amazing body, I can tell she worked out a lot in the gym”
The funny thing is that he has seen me wirked super hard in the gym, lifting heavyweights, and seeing how people comment on how great my personality is, how much they want me in my job,what an amazing body I have,
So you be the judge anita! LolMay 14, 2020 at 10:42 am in reply to: Obsession, idealization, or what is the reason behind all of this? #354960
@anita, Yeah I feel he has her in a pedestal, and even though he says he does not care about her anymore I have a very deep rooted feeling that he does, The reason why she impacted him do much is what I don’t understand.
Either he plays with my head, because he likes me to feel insecure and with a low self esteem, cause he actually has a low self esteem, so it makes him feel more interesting or valuable ?