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JillC

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  • in reply to: How to have peace after rejection and abandonment? #41235
    JillC
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    I am in the same place that you are. It’s been six weeks for me too. Also, seven weeks since I lost my job. You are asking for help and I’m certainly in no position to give advice. The only thing I have to offer is that you are not alone in this. Others, such as myself, are feeling the same pain of rejection and abandonment. Like you, I felt for a long time that our relationship was not “right”. I had developed such a feeling of attachment to him and didn’t want to hear what my gut and my instincts were telling me. Now, I am in the process of detaching. Letting go – of the expectations I had, the hopes for a future together, the hopes that the passion would return. It’s so difficult. It hurts so much at times that I wonder if I’ll climb out of this black hole I’ve dug for myself. I try to remember that it wasn’t a waste of time and that I’ve learned things about myself and about boundaries and listening to my gut. I’ve learned that it’s not a good idea to invest so much in a relationship when I am not getting my own needs met. Seems like something I should have already known at 63 years young. Apparently not. I’ve found, for me, that writing down my feelings helps some. I just take pen in hand and start writing – about anything and everything. It’s almost as if I’m having a conversation with someone else and in the re-reading, feel I have learned something new. Also, I started walking every day – one foot in front of the other. I walk for a few miles and find I feel less anxious and despondent when I return. Small things. I remind myself constantly that he wasn’t meant to be mine – or he would be. I’m also trying to believe that perhaps I had to experience this because there are lessons in it. I’m sure there are. I wish you peace, Swan.

    in reply to: Did I mean anything to him? #39980
    JillC
    Participant

    It is healing for me to read all of your words. I too am trying to recover from a break up which wasn’t my choice. At times, I’ve felt as if my world ended when he dumped me. I have been blaming myself. Now, being honest with myself, and after 3 weeks, I see that I knew “in my gut” all along that he wasn’t the man for me. There were too many things about him that I didn’t care for and that weren’t compatible with my needs. Instead, while with him, I tried to please him. Tried to adapt to his life and devalued myself. I’m learning. And I’m not young, either. Maybe, I’ll never have another relationship in my life. If I don’t – I still want to love myself and my life and create my own happiness without any pressing need to be a part of a couple. Thanks, Jamie, Matt, Carrie, and LB. Your words illuminated some things for me. Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful”. So so true.

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