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just_let_goParticipantNo. You are being absolutely ridiculous.
just_let_goParticipantHi Anita,
Oh, I have ABSOLUTELY no doubt that at certain times, I will see my child as bit shitty! I have grown up raising kids. I had to help raise my younger sisters on my fathers side. I love kids, and I’ve always been told “I am great with them.” One day, I will have my own, and love them with every ounce of my soul. However, sometimes kids can be really, really shitty! Anyone who says otherwise has never raised kids. It’s not meant to say that I despise kids in some way, as that couldn’t be further from the truth, and is a vast rumination of what I said. It’s meant to say, that some times life can be extremely troublesome and testing, but we still love it, and embrace it, good days and bad.
just_let_goParticipantHi Anita,
I think you’re reading into it a bit much 🙂
The comparison was meant to be more about the fact that both the mother, and myself, need to take something with us that can be exhausting, frustrating ect, but we both just have to accept that and get on with life.
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This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by
just_let_go.
June 27, 2018 at 6:37 pm in reply to: New relationship but can’t stop thinking about my ex #214495just_let_goParticipantHi Jane.
This may sound blunt, but I don’t think you are in a position to be dating right now. If you are still this hung up on your ex, it is not fair on your current partner.
To me, it sounds like you need to be alone for a while (I am currently one month prior to an extremely hard break up, so I can relate quote well) and feel your way through this. Being alone and finding yourself is the healthiest thing you can do right now. I would also cut ALL contact with your ex. Don’t stalk his social media, don’t have him on snapchat, instagram ect because every time you see him it SLOWS DOWN YOUR HEALING.
Be by yourself, but not alone. Now is the time to be around friends, family, get back into your passions, rediscover who you are outside of a relationship. You’ll be shocked at the changes to your mind-state over time.
Happy to help in anyway I can, as I said, I know what this is like.
just_let_goParticipantHey Grace,
I wouldn’t say you attract bad situations after just 3 encounters. To me, If you really think about it, I think you weren’t actually interested in any of these guys, which could be the simple reason it didn’t work out.
How to flirt and no seem ridiculous? Haha, impossible, flirting is about being ridiculous! Don’t over think it. Be yourself, have fun. If they don’t like the real you, the you who can be awkward, inappropriate or whatever you are; Then why would you want someone who doesn’t see your potential anyway? The best relationships bloom when two people love each other for exactly the person they are. Love, is two people who would never try to change the other person.
The best thing you can do is to look after yourself. What are you passionate about? What are your dreams? Put your energy into that, and everything else will fall into place. We are at our most beautiful when we’re chasing our destiny.
just_let_goParticipantHi Grace,
You’re sixteen! Guess what! I didn’t have my first REAL girlfriend (I dated, fooled around a lot prior, but nothing serious) until I was TWENTY SIX. And you know what, I wouldn’t change a thing. This is just my path, and how things have worked out. My first relationship only ended a month ago, but It was the most beautiful and intimate experience of my life, that’s why I would never change anything, if I did things differently, we would have never met!
You have SO MUCH TIME. So many people I know don’t get into serious relationships until they’re well into their twenties. I think we just weren’t mature enough.
The best advise I can give you, is to just go with the flow. At your age, I wouldn’t be chasing a relationship. I’m not saying turn down anything that comes your way, I’m just saying let things happen naturally. Get on with normal 16 year old stuff, hang out with friends, go to parties, work a bit, focus on school, and whatever happens out side of all of that, just go with the flow and see what comes your way.
Best of luck, and remember, never chase, let things come to you.
just_let_goParticipantHi again Anya,
If her profile says they’re still in a relationship, that’s a bit of a red flag. There’s every possibility that she hadn’t updated it yet, but I know from experience, that it’s one of the FIRST things to go following a break up. Having photos of each other is one thing, still showing as “In a relationship” is another.
Maybe try not to look at it as confrontation, and more as a conversation.
just_let_goParticipantHi Anita,
No! Haha, not at all. My mum was nothing like that. I just scribble down the first things that come into my head in that diary, and that happened to be the first euphemism that came to mind,
just_let_goParticipantHi again Anita.
Haha, yes, my name on here also serves as a reminder for many aspects of my life.
I have been keeping a diary, and I have written similar things. My last entry I wrote something I thought made a lot of sense out of this mess, and also made me laugh. Here is part of it:
“It’s like I am slowly moving forward on an imaginary scale, at about 0.5 millimetres per day, and some days, jumping back a whole centimetre. I know it’s important to feel all of this pain. Accept that it hurts, and will continue to hurt. I almost need to take this pain with me. It’s like a tired mum, who has to do the shopping, but has to take her shitty, misbehaving, screaming child along with her. She is tired, ready to explode, and sometimes wants to leave the kid behind, but she doesn’t. She just does the shopping, and gets on with her day.”
just_let_goParticipantHi Anya, I think it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Just say something like this, “Hey, I don’t mean to overstep here, but I couldn’t help noticing that there’s recent photos of you and a girl you appear to be in a relationship with. I just thought I should ask, as if that’s the case I don’t really feel comfortable with what’s going on”
Another possibility to consider is that they’re from an old relationship. I still have photos of me and my ex all over facebook and instagram, some as recent as a month ago. Some people don’t feel the need to delete these and some do.
Hope it all works out
just_let_goParticipantHi Jay.
I can 100% relate to how you’re feeling, having just being jumped by a girl I thought was “the one.”
It sounds to me that you need to be alone for a while. I think that it would be extremely healthy for you to be alone, feel lonely, feel all the feelings of being on your own, and learn to thrive in them. Try to find different avenues of companionship that are not relationships. Friends, family, hobbies, adventures. I think this would be very good for you.
By doing this, I think we set ourselves up better for the next person who comes along. It makes us less reliant on the relationship for happiness, as we have already found happiness in all the other places. This is a much more promising start to a relationship, and something I had to learn the hard way.
just_let_goParticipantHey Lisa,
To me, he sounds like trouble. The way he was acting on FB, copying what you do, seems very immature and insecure. It would appear he was hoping you would make first contact with him, so he was trying to do things on FB to get your attention, hoping it would provoke you to message him. This is a pretty childish way to go about it, and not the best signs of his character.
Unless you’re very into him, and think there is more to it, my advise would be to drop contact with him.
All the best
just_let_goParticipantOh, absolutely. Every flaw, issue, tendency is pushed to the side when you’re in love.
This is all true. There were many other traits and tendencies she had which I was not a fan of. Some of them were very detrimental to our relationship, but they were all things we spoke about and worked on.
I guess none of it even matters. At the end of the day, I’m still sitting here on the verge of tears, just because I’m thinking about her. I seem to do okay when I’m busy, but she comes into my mind at every moment possible. Every time I see her name I feel the need to burst into tears. At the end of every day, when I get into bed, it’s just a reminder that I’m alone. That she isn’t lying there where she used to. Great, now I’m actually crying. I just miss her, more than I can put into words. I spend 90% of my work day alone, and I can never keep busy enough to stop her from making her way into my head. Before I know it I’m thinking about the time we travelled New Zealand late last year. How we ate at an amazing restaurant, watched the sunset, and how she just stared at me and told me she loved me.
All of these memories haunt me wherever I go.
just_let_goParticipantHi Joanna,
Self esteem is a tricky one, and something I have always struggled with, but I think I have learnt a few things that might help you. I have a quote written on my wall, and it says, “All you can do, is do what you can.” It may already have been said somewhere, but it’s just something really simple I thought of one day. You sound like you try very hard to be your best. You sound like a great, insightful and thoughtful person. Stop trying to be perfect. What you’re doing is enough, because you’re doing what you can, and that’s all we can do.
You don’t need this guys validation, or anybody’s for that matter to know your worth. Dress nicely, be polite, ask questions… That’s all you can do! The rest doesn’t even matter! The reality is there are THOUSANDS of people out there that will DISLIKE us no matter what we do! And that’s okay! You don’t want to be liked by everyone, because some people like traits in people, that you would probably think are bad traits!
Sorry if I’m a bit all over the place here, but you sound a lot like me, so I’m trying to blurt out the things I have had to realise to improve my self esteem.
Focus your energy on doing what you love. Spend time with friends, chase hobbies, be around family, exercise… Whatever it is. Once you start doing the things that make you, you, you’ll start to see that your self esteem starts to take care of itself. Being around people who love you for who you are, and doing things that make you love being you, makes other people opinions really, really small 🙂
just_let_goParticipantHi Anita, Hi Inky, thanks for the replies.
Anita, well, when you put it like that, it does seem rather transparent. I guess part of me is still in denial. It just crushes me to think that my mental illness, and sexual problems were the cause of this. Every day I blame myself, beat myself up and wish I could have found a way to cure these things. During the relationship, I tried SO hard to improve on my issues, but it just wasn’t enough.
Inky, wow, I’m sorry your boss had to be so insensitive. Yes, you’re right about that. That part really hurt. I had noticed signs leading up to it.
I find it so hard to even comprehend dating someone else right now. It’s been a month, and I’m still very much NOT over her. I constantly think about “what ifs” and about the times before it got tough. Even a month prior, everything was great. I remember being on a road trip together, and we were literally talking about how strong we’d become as a couple. How happy we were, and how much we loved each other. It’s crazy that a month later it was over.
I also cling onto how unsure she was. One minute she wanted to get back together, then she doesn’t, then she isn’t sure, then she is POSITIVE we will be getting back together, then we break up. She once told me, “I always do this in relationships” Talk about breaking up, then regretting it, and questioning why she even wanted to. I keep thinking maybe she’ll come back, which simply adds fuel to the fire, and prolongs my healing. I wish I could fast forward a few months.
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This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by
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