wanting a relationship

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This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 9 months ago by Anonymous.

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June 26, 2018 at 9:19 pm #214337

Grace
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This might sound childish but sometimes i watch a romantic comedy and well, feel alone. i am like 16 never had a bf, only flirted with like 3 dudes and it wasn’t good. I’ve never been kissed. as i get older i am getting kind of scared. wondering what if i stay like this until im 25. I want to get a boyfriend experience a first love. How do i “get out there” at such a young age? I just want to have that silly high school love. That butterfly feeling at school. I want that stupid high school relationship everyone remembers. I don’t know how to find the guy. how can i ?

June 26, 2018 at 10:02 pm #214343

just_let_go
Participant

Hi Grace,

You’re sixteen! Guess what! I didn’t have my first REAL girlfriend (I dated, fooled around a lot prior, but nothing serious) until I was TWENTY SIX. And you know what, I wouldn’t change a thing. This is just my path, and how things have worked out. My first relationship only ended a month ago, but It was the most beautiful and intimate experience of my life, that’s why I would never change anything, if I did things differently, we would have never met!

You have SO MUCH TIME. So many people I know don’t get into serious relationships until they’re well into their twenties. I think we just weren’t mature enough.

The best advise I can give you, is to just go with the flow. At your age, I wouldn’t be chasing a relationship. I’m not saying turn down anything that comes your way, I’m just saying let things happen naturally. Get on with normal 16 year old stuff, hang out with friends, go to parties, work a bit, focus on school, and whatever happens out side of all of that, just go with the flow and see what comes your way.

Best of luck, and remember, never chase, let things come to you.

June 27, 2018 at 1:48 am #214349

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Grace:

You wrote that you “want that stupid high school relationship”, that you “don’t know how to find the guy”, and you asked “how can I?”- I would like to find out the answer with you, how you can find the guy so to have a non-stupid relationship (better it be not stupid, really). To find the answer, let’s look at your experience so far, flirting.

You wrote that you “flirted with like 3 dudes and it wasn’t good”- will you elaborate, how did you flirt, in what circumstance, how wasn’t it good?

anita

June 27, 2018 at 5:38 am #214373

Inky
Participant

Hi Grace,

Maybe the guys in your HS are just not for you (especially if you’ve known them all your life or if your school is small). AND THAT’S A GOOD THING! Why force yourself into dating someone who’s like your brother?

Relationships are incredibly distracting! This is a pivotal year (16/Junior) academically for you. Best to concentrate on that.

What could happen is you’ll eventually find yourself in a relationship just to have one. Do you really want that?

When I was sixteen I didn’t have a boyfriend in my high school, but I did have one. Looking back, it was a PAIN IN THE AZZ! I actually hated it. Wish I blew everyone off until twenty two. But that’s another post….

Best,

Inky

June 27, 2018 at 10:07 am #214437

Kerri
Participant

Grace,

This is normal! Wether you are 16 or 65. People were meant to be together. However, all the advice given is definitely worth listening to. Clearly you may be feeling left out, lonely, or even as if something must be wrong with you. So focus on your positives. your blessings. What is your special gifts that you can offer the world? This won’t take away the loneliness factor, but it will help you focus on why you were created and why you are special. and remember that it would be a privilege for a boy to want to know you, when you focus on your gifts.

High school is tricky because so many people are just into “looks” and whom they think is cool. But that is not really what a good relationship is about. So while you may want that movie scenario, that stuff is not real, and is highly distorted. take a look at all the relationships movie stars, TV folk and reality people are in that are disasters. they are lonely too. So fill yourself with positive thoughts, with knowing your strengths, with allowing others to see your light and beauty – and it will come. You do have to sometimes work at it, and that comes with trial and error. A lot of trial and error. But look at it this way, you are learning and each time you take a step forward and try to get to know a guy, you are learning what works and what doesn’t. Use your teens and your twenties as a place to practice how to talk with, flirt with and be friends with guys….and you will learn what a true – solid boyfriend will look like and you will eventually find your self in a great relationship. It will come-have faith.

Enjoy the journey Grace!

June 27, 2018 at 2:37 pm #214489
Grace
Participant
Thanks for all of the good advice! Where I said i had only flirted with like 3 guys, and that it didn’t go so well. Nothing intimate really happened, just kind of goofing off, just like flirting when talking. One of them was this constant on and off thing but i see it as toxic and want better for myself. The other guy was this guy that I didn’t really have interest in but he had interest in me. Then guy 3 was kind of like this person i was always annoyed by since 6th grade, it was playful teasing, then last year i switched into his class he and i immediately connected and it was crazy we couldn’t stop texting and then the first guy kinda barged his way into my life and i lost touch with 3. This all happened last year but, I guess Im at this point where I don’t get any action. Like it seems like everytime theres a guy in my life theres a problem. Nothing seems to go right, so right now I guess im feeling kinda screwed over by love, lol. And i know, i dont want to force my way into some guy. I guess im wondering why i attract bad situations with guys, and how to put myself out there? How to flirt and not seem utterly ridiculous?
- This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Grace.
June 27, 2018 at 6:30 pm #214493

just_let_go
Participant

Hey Grace,

I wouldn’t say you attract bad situations after just 3 encounters. To me, If you really think about it, I think you weren’t actually interested in any of these guys, which could be the simple reason it didn’t work out.

How to flirt and no seem ridiculous? Haha, impossible, flirting is about being ridiculous! Don’t over think it. Be yourself, have fun. If they don’t like the real you, the you who can be awkward, inappropriate or whatever you are; Then why would you want someone who doesn’t see your potential anyway? The best relationships bloom when two people love each other for exactly the person they are. Love, is two people who would never try to change the other person.

The best thing you can do is to look after yourself. What are you passionate about? What are your dreams? Put your energy into that, and everything else will fall into place. We are at our most beautiful when we’re chasing our destiny.

June 28, 2018 at 4:20 am #214525

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Grace:

You are welcome. I doubt that you “attract bad situations with guys”. Good and bad situations happen to everyone, every day. From what you shared, better next to pay attention to what guy you like a bit, what you like about him, then get to know him more, as you do, see if you still like him. If he likes you too at that point, then you may have a beginning.

Here is one wrong way to go about it: a guy likes a girl and the girl automatically accepts any relationship he offers, because he likes her. The right way to go about it is, if a guy likes you- get to know him before entering a relationship. Talk with him, ask and listen, answer his questions. Have an honest, open communication first. Figure out what kind of a relationship the two of you want. Make sure to aim at a relationship that will be healthy for the two of you.

anita
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