i feel i’m also struggling with the fact that i did this in the first place. i did something that completely contradicted everything i’ve ever thought about myself. it’s a terrible feeling.

my relationship was so perfect before this, i literally felt on top of the world with my partner. now i feel like i’ve hurt them in an irreparable way. and with my ex, to add insult to injury. the only good thing that has come out of this is that now i feel like i love and value my partner even more because i feel recommitted to strengthening us.

anita,

i’m going to try this approach. whenever i start ruminating on the ache, i will simply let myself feel the feeling and then i’ll fill my brain with logic and sense.

i wish i could just fast forward in time to a point where i no longer feel so bad. logically, i feel i’ve made the changes necessary to better myself from this experience and like the guilt no longer serves its purpose. thank you for forgiving me, i’m going to work on trying to forgive myself now…

anita,

thank you so much, this has made me feel so much better. and yes please, next time you dele you did something wrong, i would love to forgive you.

although i’m trying to accept that i’m only juman and i made a mistake, i struggle with residual guilt whenever i see or am with my partner. how can i overcome this? do you think guilt fades with time? i’m not sure how to wake up and feel normal again as it looms over me like a dark cloud every day. i’m also so paranoid my partner will find out some way even though it’s very unlikely.

anita,

eventually they just needed time to heal past my disappointment. they weren’t cruel to me in any way, i think they were just upset. it wouldn’t take long, sometimes hours and at most a day or two, and they would always remind me that they loved me at the end of every argument or circumstance.

one thing i will say though is that it doesn’t sit well with me when other people are upset with me. i don’t like to feel confrontation unless i know i’m absolutely right or at least feel that way.

regarding the ache, it’s true i do feel very low because i feel like i disappointed my partner and violated my own moral code. i thought i never would’ve done something like this and yet i did. this makes me feel very ashamed.

i guess i’m also asking if our relationship will ever feel like it did before? whenever i try to act normal, i feel a stabbing pain of guilt inside me.

i feel like with time, it’ll be better because we will make new experiences and move on with our lives. but i’m scared to feel close to my partner since i feel like i hurt them. i feel like i did something unforgivable.

i love them so much and don’t want to lose them. i feel like a terrible person for committing this mistake.

yes i have felt this feeling before, when i let someone down like a parent or friend. but it’s never been like this before. i just feel so shameful that i can’t sleep or eat properly.

i want desperately to let go of this feeling. i don’t think even if i told them, it would go away. i feel i would feel even worse because perhaps they’ll think it was worse than it really was and be even more hurt.

i just hate myself for putting myself in this situation where i would hurt my partner and for drinking so much. like i said, i hate thinking that i irreparably hurt our relationship which is my dream relationship.

hi anita,

thank you for replying. this has been weighing very heavy on my heart. i do have a plan and have blocked this person from everything. i will never see them again as we only saw each other by coincidence. i don’t ever want to see them again.

the thought of hurting my partner in this way has brought me great shame and regret. i can’t believe i ever put myself in a position to hurt them. in future circumstances, i’ve told myself i won’t ever drink to the point of excess or losing control over my decisions. it just isn’t worth it.

the incident was terrible to me because i can’t believe i put myself in that position. i feel like irreparably broke something in my relationship even though nothing physical happened. we just flirted inappropriately.

my question is how do i move forward with my partner if i don’t tell them? i feel ashamed and not worthy to have them for hurting them in this way. how do i make myself feel worthy again and let go of these feelings?