Forum Replies Created
Thanks for the reply.
Sorry to hear you are going thru the same kind of situation and u are slowly recovering.
I am trying my best to put this all behind me as I know deep in my heart my bf never really cared about he, he was just using me to boost his ego, as I said I use to be a bubbly and outgoing person, ive changed to a paranoid and scared individual, I don’t think anything good about myself, today its the first time in months that I cared about my appearance and look in the mirror to reveal a truly beautiful lady staring back at me, I would always hate what I saw in the mirror, scared because I looked ugly from the stress and worry on my face.
Yes it is hurting my son to see me unhappy, today he said to me, mum I will do my best to help u any way I can, but please don’t let him back in your life. these words lifted my heart cause I know there are people who cares about my well being.
thank you for taking time to read my long post and to reply.
My only wish is to find myself and regain the happiness I have lost throughout these 5 yrs in this relationship.
Thanks for taking time to read and reply, I will purchase the book you have recommended, for sure I have been neglecting myself because of the trauma of this relationship, I had to keep proving myself to him all the time. In the end I am stressing myself so much and I hated myself for feeling this way, at times when we argue he threatens to leave me and at some point I cry and beg him to stay, I don’t even know how I got to the place im at now to let someone walk all over me and than he will tell me he loves me a lot.. Basically I was holding on to the small thread of happiness he send my way now and again,
The worst is whenever I want to talk to him about something he makes it out like im a fool, he does not want to hear about anything, its not his problem.
Countless of times hes thrown in my face that ( why u stay with me if I don’t treat u right??) he goes that I bring all this situation upon myself, that I never appreciate what he does for me and so on….which I have to beg him to do anything for me, yet I help him in any way I can.
The worst of all is lately I have been thinking that I am the bad person and I am to blame for this situation, but my son whos in the same household goes to me that my bf is really irresponsible and hes just taking me for a ride and thinks its cool, cause I let him do this to me instead of kicking him out of my house.
now hes gone and I want to rebuild my life. I know I will need help as all of my relationships have been with the same kind of guys and the same pattern.
Thanks for the reply and advice, yes my bf does punish me with silence when we argue, he keeps silent and makes as if he is a victim and that im asking too much of him, even my son who lives with me tells me there is something weird about my bf, saying he is always cautious about things he says at home.
I have this gut feeling that my bf is not real even though he says he loves me… i feel that if he cared enough about me he would at least see that keeping secrets from me makes me insecure and damaging the relationshi.
lately im sort of scared to talk to him about any concerns, its stresses me out alot, last thursday I got really angry and told him to take his stuff and leave my house, we argued enough times on the same problems, no solution, i keep asking myself what has he got to hide?
i dont know much about my bf, he talks to his mum and sis about everything, im always kept in the dark about his businesd and it hurts me alot, and i feel second best in his life.
Happy that my advice to you has been of some help, like I say you go for it girl, never ever mind what your competitors have to say, sometimes we get just one chance in life, so go for it..
Your reply lifted my spirit, your so kind, I can sense you are a very nice person with a good heart too, This will be a blessing throughout your journey in life..
I do have a loving family and a job tha I enjoy very much, in my Me time I love spening time with my dogs, a male and female Rottweiler with their 2 pups, they are adorable and very active too, they keep me very busy…. I love nature and have been blessed to have a beautiful home on a small island in the indian ocean, Im sure you must have heard of the seychelles island? And that is where i met my bf over 4yrs ago..
I live a 3mins walk to the beach and enjoy spending time chillin on the beach in the evenings, or just going for long walks. Life is simple and peaceful, not like the hustle and bustle of the city life.
My work does take me to London now and again, thats were I have most of my friends, have a better social life when im in the city,
I guess im gonna start making more of an effort to go out and enjoy myself and make new friends, wear my pretty dresses and shoes….ever since ive been going out with my bf I lost a lot of my confidence , thats because we are always arguing and he blames me for all our problems….for sometimes now ive started to blame myself thinking im not a good enough gf, sad but thats how my bf sees it,
In a way im happy i told him to leave, but I know hes gonna tell eveyone that I have kicked him out because I want to control him, this is what hes told his family everytime we break up, His mum and sister spoils him so much that they treat my bf as if hes a baby,
I think its better I move on with my life instead of trying to patch things up for the 100th time with my bf, its tough to have a relationship wit someone when they cant see any fault with their behaviour…
Thanks again for the advice …
Thanks for the replly and advice too, makes me realise that yeah im a nice person, my bf has said so himself few times, im sure this is why he takes advantage of the situation cause he knows I never hold grudges or regrets towards others… Whenever we argue he would tell me that I will never find a better man than him, im sure this is said to mess up my self esteem and confidence. He keeps telling me that whenever we break up he knows that i miss him and that I would not go out with anyone else, he is confident about that, so in a way that is why he doesnt care to text or call… during th four years ive been with my bf, same problems, his mum, friends and family thinks im a bad person because he doesnt tell them the truth, He behaves as if he is a victim, like im problematic..We’ve gone round and round with the same issues, its draining me and make me very unhappy.
It baffles me how he wants to be with me yet he is not honest with me??he says he loves me yet he doesnt care about things that are important to me.. hes ask me to marry him yet he is not honest and open about his life. He accused me of being selfish when i told him that we dont have a good foundation for marriage because of issues he wont discuss.
U are right to say I deserve someone better, my family says im wasting my time trying to change my bf by arguing when he is not even making an effort to compromise.
I dont think I will bother calling him again cause if he was interested he would make an effort… he knew i was angry when i told him to leave because of the way he behaves with me, I was talking to him and he shuts me out like i was talking to a wall.
My bf work in town whereas I work from home and rarely go out unless its to do with my job, I live a very quiet life in a small village….He never take me out, I have loads of nice outfits that are just hanging in the closet, im a very trendy person and use to go out alot before i met him…anyways im positive I will get thru all this dilemma, I really appreciate you taking time to lift up my spirit with the replies.. ive written a few words of advice to you too from the experience ive been thru in the past. hope it helps.
Now about your school, please please go for what you think is right for u, it reminds me of a friend that I had to let go off a couple of months ago, I use to hang around with her alot for the last 3yrs, what I found out lately was that she was backstabbing me with other people, looking back im sure its some kind of jealousy, cause last year I made good progress career wise, im sure whe was not so happy for me
Anyhow I decided to move on and forget the whole issues, its made me a stronger person in the things I want to do and achieve, so my advice to you if you want to aim high and you have the drive to do it, go for it, ive done the same al my life, no matter what people says or obstacles that comes my way, I feel if you have the potential to do something, go for it, im sure your teacher has seen the potential in you so dont worry about your competitors.. Once you put your mind in something you wanna do, it raises your confidence even if your feeling low at the mo… so go for it…
take care and kind regards
Thank you for taking the time to write this reply, I really dont know if my bf truly misses me when we are apart, cause I a the one who always have to make the first move when we ague and break up, he as this mentality that I am wrong and he is right, he has some serious communication issues with me, yet he is very open and talks alot to his families and friends, its like my bf is always watching what he says when he is with me, this is how i feel, im not sure if im overeacting, cause some of my friends says to me that he is a different person at home.
Everytime we get back together he is promising so many changes and that we should talk more and express ourselves more, this is only for a few weeks and then things get back to the same old routine….
My bf is not so supportive when im ill or if i have problems that worries me, yet i am always there for him when he is down, I would feel better talking to my kids or to a friend cause i know im gonna have more support than talking to him, these things frustrates me alot cause it scares me to think that if one day im poorly if hes gonna be there for me???
I find it hard for me to understand him in many ways, I dont know if this relationship is a challenge for him cause I have a very good career, have travelled extensively, , whereas hes not been very sucessful and hes always complaining about his job… I tried talking to him about this but he dont really want to talk.
Today I tried talking to one of his work colleague about their monthly salary and he revealed to me that they earn a lot more then what my bf is telling me, this is why he hides all his payslips and bank statements, im sure the reason for this is so he could contribute very little towards bills and housekeeping, im sure he has savings and other stuff he is not telling me, last year he took out a loan and didnt tell me about it, i only found out when i was going thru his bag and saw the loan statement.when I try talking to him about it refuse to comment. and he goes to me why do i want to know everything about him, it hurts me cause i can never seem to get any explanation for anything that im concern about.
Some of my friends seem to think my bf is not being real with me…but why would he say he loves me and wants to be with me?? he can be loving but there is a side to him that baffles me as its really hard for me to know anything about him, i feel that his mum and sister knows more about what he is upto then i do..
Last year we broke up for 4 months, he never initiated any contact until new years day he sent me a message, and after 1 month we got back together again and all was well, now same thing.
like i say he is not abusive or that he cheats on me, he is just very secretive, and it worries me that i dont know what he is upto.my family tells me that his behaviour is in a way a form of mental abuse and its true cause I have lost all confidence and my self esteem is very low, i get panick attacks when i sleep, i feel very stressed and ive tried talking to him aboutt how i feel and hes not very supportive, saying its all in my mind and that i want to control him.
I tried texting him the other day and he never replied, do you think its worth me calling him?? we live just a mile apart, im sure that if he truly missed me he would have made an effort to talk things thru.
at the moment i dont sleep much, i go thru the same things everytime we break up…its wearing me down alot…
sorry long post.