Hi anita

It is helping me our conversations. Its is a great help so thank you.   I think when it came to intimacy she was more confident initiating but she wanted me to be which I was getting better. Maybe your right she is more comfortable and confident as she has had more partners. But I think me not initiating things more maybe made her feel uncomfortable, possibly unloved. Maybe thinking I didn’t want to be intimate when I did I am just a bit shy thatt way.

Yeah I found if she wasnt busy she would get fed up bored.  if there was a stressful thing in life she would go quiet and overthink. Instead of talking about it she would want to deal with it herself like she always has. Then she would say shes not happy with us. It was like she needed to end it and cope by herself which she is always had to previously.

She has felt comfortable and trusting with me and me with her. I personally like I have said before I have never trusted someone so much. I feel she Is a person that knows me inside out. She always talked about her past like she’s never done before with others. Family, childhood, relationships etc. How things have effected her. Funny you should say this because as soon as she came in from wrk tonight at 6pm and  we gave been chatting away till 10pm. Talking about random things and about how things have effected her. It’s been like old times chatting away. Which is nice as could talk for hours with her we would always find things to talk about. Trust is a big thing I feel as due to past relationships with partners and family she has been betrayed. Especially her family betraying her. This is when the barriers go up and she has to escape from the situation.

I for one wouldn’t betray L. I would always be there for her. I for one am nothing like her family. I personally can’t understand how her family are the way they are I don’t understand it. My family is total opposite they are loving and supportive. We even talked about this tonight. I have always included her with my family knowing that she finds it hard as she never had this love and support with hers. She liked that she was included with my family. Like I say I included you because that’s what it should be like. My parents would ask about her etc how is L etc. Because that’s what families are like with there children’s partner. Not because they have to but because they want to. Which she hasn’t had before.

Yes I do think her being comfortable and so trusting of me has scared her. Its as she’s waiting for the betrayal. Then she has to end things in a way before she gets hurt. Betrayal by family has been in the past and continues to happen. L is always the one doing the chasing, helping them being the person to make contact. It’s never her family. She is the one that has to make the effort… Always. Which isn’t right her family should be making the effort. They don’t know what they are missing out on as there daughter is such a wonderful person. They are missing out.

Yeah I do understand its going to be difficult for me when she leaves.we talked about that earlier. Its going to be difficult for her also as she has never been outwith the army environment. Always lived in army barracks. Then lived with me. Now soon to be living in her own flat having the responsibility of bills, new job. Generally living Everyday life. But for L it’s all a transition from army life to civilian Street which is as massive thing for her. I will be there as a support but this is something that she needs to get used to  in a new life outwith the army… Which is scary and daunting for her. When the army is the only thing she has known for many years of her life.

Like I said to her earlier I see when her barriers go up and she changes and gets scared. Then it’s like she needs to get out of the situation. But she needs to stop that or she will continue to do this all the time and it’s not good for her or the future. She needs to break that cycle. Whether she questions our relationship, knows it was right for her to make the desicion to break up who knows time will tell.

I look forward to your other thoughts

Thank you

Hi anita

Sorry my post is rushed etc. Yes my parents and family are very supportive. They had planned to visit me and L but due to covid restrictions its not possible.

Yes I came out as gay 10 years ago and was in that relationship for 5 years. After that relationship I did feel hurt and betrayed. I didn’t really want to look for a relationship if it happened it happened.  In January L and I started talking through a dating app. Then we entered into a relationship.  I am a shy person at first but I am a people person. no not lacking confidence In being gay as such. But not as experienced in relationships compared to L. I am comfortable with my sexuality but in my previous relationship it felt that my ex wasnt so open. L is confident out in public and in her intimate relationship with me.  I wasn’t as confident by initiating intimacy which she said was an issue. She wanted me to be more confident in initiating. With L in public I felt more open more relaxed and happy being like that with her. That’s how it should be.

Yes we clicked, talked non stop and had such a genuine connection. We clicked as friends first. I have never felt so at ease and open with someone before even when we just started talking as friends. She new about my previous relationship etc and understood why I was a bit sceptical about people intentions. Trusting people she was same due to being hurt. she was aswell really due to her previous relationship. We were very open about that. Started talking beginning of January met up February and the covid happened. Which threw us in at the deepend and she was living with me. In saying that we got on so well as we were so comfortable living together.

Yes you are right she was romantic, date nights, gifts etc. Made me feel special. Yes very much so I was very open with L compared to my previous relationship. Yes my gestures weren’t as good as hers just because she was a step ahead more romantic. I let us down that way because I should have made more effort.I was exhausted due to work also. But I look back and I should have showed how much she means to me.

I did feel a bit scared yes as did she. yes it was so rushed not ideal as would have liked. Think timing rushed things to quick. But in saying that we were so happy with our relationship. I wouldnt say I am uncomfortable with her and in public. To he honest we maybe went out a few times just due to the covid restrictions. Yes held hands etc. But that was all new in a sence to me as that wasn’t done in my previous relationship due to my ex. My ex wouldn’t hold hands in public. So that’s what I was use to. But with L I was more than happy yes it wasnt something I was use to but I was happy being open.

With my work it’s a very physical job anyway but since covid it has become worse. Constantly being physical for long hours which I feel was catching up with me. By getting stressed and worn out and exhausted. With L I am so at ease I don’t think I have ever been so at ease with someone. Never talked and opened up so much to anybody. We are best friends. She says the same she’s never opened up to someone like she has with me. I was much more happy compared to previous relationship. Also being head over heels in love. People would say its like a love story because how suited we were.

Yes it was beginning of April as I recall. Think being stuck in the house and due to covid lockdown it took its toll on her. Least with myself I was going out to work during that time she was in the house all day. When she left she said wanted to be friends. But she would txt and phone like she did previously. Then she wanted to come back.

She moved back in as lodger/friend thats how it was going to be. Then she said she still loved me and gave it a go. Talked about future stuff yes.

Yes in September I felt things were getting ontop of me with work being stressful, being tired. She finished the relationship but then gave it another go then before my birthday she finished it then apologised and said she wanted us to work.

L is impulsive she has a get up and go doesn’t want to sit around. Very active person prob due to the army and into fitness.

Before I met L I was comfortable being gay. Just not so open. But with L I have never been so relaxed and happy in myself and being a gay couple. Family and friends could see how happy I was. My parents could sense how happy I was and how L made me feel. They were happy and shd was made to feel part of the family.

Yes I have been distressed and up and down. Trying to understand things that L has said she wanted as a couple etc.  then to totally change her mind. That’s what I find hard to forget when she’s said things like loves me wants this and that coff our future. Saying this literally a week before she split up for good. Why say these things if you new relationship was finished in her head along time ago. When it comes to work I have come to the conclusion work is work there is no point getting stressed. L would say that to me just try not and get worked up about it. Which I did once I finished work I left it there. Obviously covid I feel has played a part as we can’t do what Normals couples do at the beginning of relationships ie going oug for meal weekends away etc. Thats the excitement of a new relationship.

I have only become distressed since breakup as I try to think where and how it went wrong. I should have fond more shown her more how I felt about her. Maybe it was the timing it was all to fast due to timing of covid throwing us in at the deepend.

I know my emotions are up and down at the moment just because it’s all so sudden and the when L says she’s seen it finished for a while now. But it’s hard to forget all the things discussed and wanted for the future. Hope this makes more sense.

Apologies for my previous rushed post.

Thank you Anita

Yeah she did understand and that’s why she maybe put more effort as where I didn’t. She was at home more and she took on her fair share of the home stuff she paid her way etc. I do feel she was empathetic to an extent. I feel me not being so confident as in when we’re are out in public was a issue and also maybe when intimate. Not so confident. Yes I am shy but she def made me feel more conifent and more me not being so shy about being gay. She made me feel how I should be. But on other occasions I felt when I explained why I wasn’t as confident as never previously done that. But with her I was so relaxed and was so happy to be with her. thats why I am so hurt because I wanted and felt so at ease with her.

Think she just has high expectations which is fine but I for one haven’t had that before and I did want to try but obv didn’t do it enough. I think this pandemic has taken its toll for me as been so busy at work it was the last thing I thought of doing but when I did do things it was to late and were in a rut.

She is very romantic and that’s what she wanta in a relationship.  Me personally my previous relationship wasn’t like that I wanted it to be but it never seemed important to my previous partner. With my recent ex she has had more relationships. She made me feel so special and I wanted to do the same but I didn’t do it on the same level that she wanted. I wasn’t as open in public like holding hands etc. That’s because in my previous relationship my partner didn’t want that. But with my recent partner I was more open and was so open about her. I was so happy I would say my partner this my partner that being open with friends and colleagues. I have changed so much since being with her and so was looking forward to the future. Thanks for the reply

OK thank you