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Karen

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)
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  • in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #370437
    Karen
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I did have a relaxed weekend. Felt strange as it was first weekend without her being here. Since then I have been working. Been getting few txts then she’s been phoning when I am at work for general talk a catchup. That’s been happening every day since Monday. Phoning during the say as she is still on a holiday at work and doing bits and pieces round her flat. Even my friend has noticed she’s phoning alot. Maybe she’s lonely. One day she Wass on the phone nearly 2 hours.

    Last night she came round and in helped her with some furniture and we just sat having a catchup talking. She said how she wa sfeeling in life etc. She like her wee place so far etc. Asking how I was in a sense. Like i said to her u know my feeelings for you. Then she was like maybe we shouldnt see each other for a bit. But before hand she was on about Xmas and getting Xmas presents for me. Like I said to L you know how I feel about you. Not going to change my feelings with a click of the fingers.  She did go back to raking about when we first met that there wasn’t a inital attraction. Then she felt I was changing for her. No in wasn’t I was becoming more confident. She even said about the first time we went out for dinner. She was asking me question trying to get to know me etc. I was super nervous that night because she made me like that in a nice butterflies kind of way. Yes I was not holding hands etc and she new that which was brought up again last night. I just don’t know how to take the conversations sometimes. Is she testing me in a sense to see what I say.

    Then she starts to say she feels guilty. I said why. Shes said if she speaks to someone I take it online she feels guilty in a sense. But she questions herself as why do I feel guilty taking to someone she’s not doing anything wrong we aren’t together. It’s like she feels guilty because she’s talking and thinks it’s wrong because of me and said about respect and caring. That’s something she need to figure out. But before she left she said I want to be honest with you. I have been talking to someone and she know me and her situation and is understanding. That she’s meeting her at tomorrow sat. When she said it I didn’t know what to say actually I didn’t say anything. I felt so sad. Since then I jsut feel a bit all over the place. It’s so hard because she will bring up stuff in the past about us. Why it didn’t work but talk if that wasn’t like that gives impression it might have then says no we were just very good friends. I just don’t know what to think. Then this about her taking to someone. She even said I know what will maybe happen eventually we will fizzle out if and when get a new partner. I will find it hard and then friendship won’t work. But then she contradicted herself as she said said that wasn’t going to happen on her side for a while. But then says not long after she been talking to someone. Anita what am I supposed to think because I am confused lol

    Karen

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #370135
    Karen
    Participant

    That’s all I can do anita take each day as it comes. Thank you again

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #370131
    Karen
    Participant

    It’s Ok lol. When I do it is like that short and sweet. Yeah I agree say not to much and keep what I feel to myself as I don’t want to come all negative.

     

    Karen

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #370126
    Karen
    Participant

    Yes I do anita love her.

    She doesn’t have any debt with me at all you are right.

    When I have told her more recently I have been short in tell her. As I feel it is useless telling her. Doesn’t take it in.

    Living by me self funny you should say that she txted me just before ur reply asking how it was by myself and told her didn’t like it. Asked her same thing and she said likes it own space and she’s been busy so that’s helped.

    She’s doesn’t like getting gifts due to her previous relationships. They were very materialistic felt like she was being bought. Now is alot better. Only gifts I have for her now is Xmas presents which got prior to breakup. She knows this before hand a few weeks ago she said no don’t want them which hurt me. But I asked her on Friday if she wanted to take them due to I wasn’t sure when I would see her as that’s in her court I suppose. Answer was it’s not xmas yet get them nearer the time.

    When it comes to help she’s just asked me to help her build furniture as she made a mess of the ones she did herself. I told her no problem I will help and sure we can sort the other stuff aswell.

    Karen

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #370117
    Karen
    Participant

    Hi anita

    She moved out on Friday. Yeah it’s very fresh and a change which I never though would happen. It will take some time to adjust. Think it’s worse because it’s the weekend.

    Yes I expressed how I feel for L to a good friend of ours and he showed her the message or discussed it with her. Which then she was annoyed etc. Then led to her not wanting my help. The other friend that she works with said to her when she said I was helping her. Said would that not seem to be leading Karen on. To be honest I think that friend she wrks with does fancy her. Think that’s why she might be saying that.

    Yshe say shes never been so happy just now inside and out. Not sure if it’s a bit of a front. She is happy as job wise and her flat has worked out etc. Then her mum messaged asking for money. Only time family gets in contact is when they want money. I said u need to say no as that’s only time they get in contact and she did say no.

    I got L a gift for when she leaves the army. I gave it to her a few weeks back as when she left I didn’t know when I would see her. It was a box personalised with her regiment and army number where she could put sentimental things in. Aswell ad photos from different stages in her army career. I had given her the box. Photos I added to that box and she found them when she was unpacking the other day. She left the room and got upset think because it was a thoughtful gift that I had done for her and also she is finding it hard to deal with her emotions about leaving the army. It’s a job she loves and doesn’t want to leave. So it’s understandable.

    LL is always making the effort with her family. Thyw anger me because they don’t make effort unless they want money.

    She should never feel in debt to her family at all she is where she is in her career and life because of her and only her. They never supported her at all. She tries with them for the love she never got in childhood and adulthood. I agree i with you about debt she does feel if someone helps her she owes them I helped her the other day etc and she said I owe you. No you don’t I helped you because I care for you I don’t expect anything in return. Think that’s why she doesn’t want help. She wants to rely on herself. Doesn’t want to owe anybody. I helped her because I care and love her. I put my feeling aside a bit to do that because I care about her so much. Yes it was hard because when putting furniture together and her asking what I though about the furniture it made me think that’s what we should be doing as a couple. But I had to switch of.

    Yes I be glad for you to discuss. Me discussing is helping me a great deal which I am very appreciative of.

    The note she found was from 6years ago and I generally didn’t know was still there.if I new it was there it would have been thrown out. It doesn’t matter that it was written 6 or 10 years ago u would think it was written yesterday. There is no feelings towards my ex. I am so happy for her and her new relationship. Maybe it did make her feel less sspecial but like I said it was from years ago. I just dont understand why she would bring it up at all. Esp whe. She finished the relationship. Also I never cared for my ex the way I do for L. With L it has been so different on every level. With L I found true love and my soul mate.

    Thank you anita

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #370105
    Karen
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Just a wee update. L got her keys to her new place last week and has slowly moved out. She stayed a few nights at mine just saving her going back and fore which was fine. Just acted like we usually do. Got the last of her stuff on friday. When she left it was sad I didn’t want her to leave. Gave her a hug and said its just feels so strange. She’s not going to be here. She said the same it’s going to be hard we are both getting over stuff. Shes going to find it strange as she’s not going to have someone there or sitting having a meal with someone. She said it’s not like we aren’t going to see each other it won’t be all the time etc. But it’s hard thinking we won’t see each other so much. But that’s how things go. I have to get used to that I know. Once she went she txted to say she reached safe which was good. So that it since Friday I have had odd txt or picture of things she’s done in flat. Which is fine because I know she’s sorting her flat out. It’s the weekend now I don’t like it because it’s so quiet round the house. I feel the house is just empty I cant even bring myself to go into her room at the moment just makes me upset.

    We have been getting on OK since I last messaged you the other week. not really talking about us as such. She been talking about her past relationships. Not sure if I had said that to you last time. I can understand why she doesn’t want to get hurt. So we have been good talking like we used to. That’s the good friendship we have. It’s I just find it hard. I had spoke to a mutual friend a while back which he went and told her how I felt about her. We spoke over txt and however she saw the txt about how I felt about her. So that wasn’t good that was a Sunday and that’s when she said I don’t want your help moving to my new place etc. I am annoyed with the mutual friend because we were getting on fine till then. So I left it went for a walk and when came back we spoke for along time. The next day she mentioned it again. She said seeing it written down made her think.it’s different when someone says how they feel but seen it in black and white. Well it’s nothing she doesn’t know anyway how I feel etc. I think it made her think aswell as her friend at work questioned her a few days before. They were talking and L was saying to her that I was helping her move. Her friend was like really is that not leading Karen along etc. Which I think she was annoyed at. She replied Karen knows my feeling and she wants to help etc. Think that kind of kicked of that reaction when she saw that from the mutual friend.

    We went back to being the way we are and I made dinner had a glass of wine and she was again talking about relationships etc in general. Then she brought up my ex. She obv felt insecure along time ago about my ex. Me and my ex were finished many years ago. No feelings are there whatsoever. Yes she saw a note how I was feeling way back then how I was feeling etc about my ex. Which I forgot was in a pile of papers. Which was all thrown out when I cleared my house out in May. But she brought it up the other night as well as act of love that love language thing. Asking me about this love language. I found it a bit odd why would you bring up my ex and this love language stuff. L is the one that ended everything if shes no feelings why is she bringing it up. Because if I broke up with someone I wouldn’t bring and ex up esp if I was the one to end the relationship. Hope that makes sense. You try and explain to her the difference in that relationship and what I had with her and there’s no point doesn’t want to hear it. Esp like when not holding hands in public etc and when I said I was changing and doing it more. I got maybe you weren’t changing and doing stuff quick enough for me.

    She picked me up from work wed and went over to her flat with more stuff and she stayed there.  Thursday she came back  as I was off work and I helped her move more stuff. It was a good wee day we chatted in the car about how she’s feeling. The changes in her life about her moving her flat obv it’s a big thing for her. She’s doing it by herself transitioning into civilian life from the army.  I can see she is a bit stressed and i try and reassure her as best I can. She says she’s so happy etc. But then boom a message from her family wanting something and she gets down. Like I said other day and she knows it you need to say no to them when they ask for something. I said you have to say no and she did which is first time ever. Was so proud she did. She feels like she doesn’t deserve in a sence to be happy. She does more so than anyone else she had a hard time. So yeah we were busy all day Thurs doing stuff building furniture.her unpacking. She got upset with all her emotions. More so army emotions. It’s all becoming a reality now that shes going to be out of army. Something she never wanted to happen. Like I say to her you are going to be feeling different emotions etc.you will have good and bad days etc. But I will always be here for you to talk to. I think it upset her more as I had got her a gift and done photo album with picture of her career that she can add to and look back on when she wants to. That’s when she left the room and I knew she was upset. Think cause it was thoughtful gift. But yeah it’s hard time for her with alot of emotions. So that’s about it really. Sorry for the long update again lol.

    I just have to try stay positive etc. I am OK some days. Was a bit fed up Friday night obv that’s when she left the house it was like the ending in a way. Its just when your so used to seeing someone every day and even this last few weeks getting phone calls etc what about this do you like this for my flat would you think this will be OK. Its like I was so involved in a sense.  Yes I would have like that kind of stuff to happen in this house as a couple. Even when she said about helping her on the Thursday she said don’t feel you have to etc. I don’t want to put you in a position where you are going to struggle because of your feelings. Like I said I want to help you yes my feelings are there not going to disappear overnight. I said I would help you because I want to. Also she doesn’t have anyone else to help. I wanted to help. So yeah i am trying not to over think. Trying to get used to being in the house myself again which is strange but its only 2 days in. I do notice that my sleeping is gone back to tossing and turning hopefully that will get back to normal. Think it was OK the last while because we were in the same house.

    I just felt I needed to give an update just to talk about stuff.

    Karen

     

     

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369644
    Karen
    Participant

    Anita

    Thank you I will post on here so glad I found this site

    Karen

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369626
    Karen
    Participant

    Thank you. Maybe once she leaves I will post as I see it being difficult. Thank you for replying to my long posts as you have helped me alot

    Karen

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369622
    Karen
    Participant

    Anita

    Yeah I do truly love L. Yeah till that time I have to go with the flo. Then when that time ccomes I will do what needs to ge done. For all I know i might find it difficult before then. I need to be aware of how I feel myself and how it affects me

    Karen

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369619
    Karen
    Participant

    I meant can’t turn my back

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369617
    Karen
    Participant

    Anita.

    Yeah she doesn’t see it. Only person I suppose that can do these changes is L. I hood she does look into that help to understand her barriers and fear. I feel that with all tge changes in her life just now I don’t think tgat will happen. All I can do is be there I suppose which is hard but I can turn my back. But when another woman comes along it won’t be my job.  For all I know she also could be talking to another woman. I really don’t thi nk she is but thats my overthinking. I just need to try stay positive and when she leaves try and keep myself busy. Because I am going to find it hard her not being around.

    Karen

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369611
    Karen
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Maybe thats why she us like that when romantic. Yes I do truly love her. But how does she deal with that barrier with my love and her heart. If only she just dropped tgst barrier it’s would be so easy.

    Yeah I think that will be a tell tail sign when that happens. I want her in my life but it’s if I can cooe with that situation or not. I hope tgst situation doesn’t arise for a while. I don’t want to chase L for love. Because if there is love there it’s in her side of the court. But on other hand maybe that’s why I think the worst and start to overthink because I am waiting for that to happen. For her to be successful in love she needs to open her heart trust the people that are loyal and let these barriers down and fight them not run awsy in a sense

    Karen

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369605
    Karen
    Participant

    I know that if it’s another woman if I am not over her I don’t know how I will feel and deal with the situation

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369604
    Karen
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Yeah maybe that’s why she has done it to stop the conflict and overthinking. With her family she has limited contact but I think she knows she has to do that. I think me working Saturdays she found difficult as she wanted to do things as a couple. Maybe your right that’s when she missed them also.

    I have been supportive. I think your right in saying she will contact me for support. But I will find it hard as i still love her. I think she so wants to be loved. But maybe not willing to trust someone that does fully loved her due to the past. If she let that barrier down. Maybe that’s why she is so romantic, so intense at the beginning of relationships because she craves love. With me she has it. But her feeling are different. She is worthy of being loved. But I think she doesn’t think that. She’s such a lovely person not to be in a relationship as she has so much love in her even though she hasn’t got it from her family.

    I don’t think she will get it from her family maybe from another woman. That’s what I will find hard. If it was with me I would be happier. But I need to try and think it might be another woman so i won’t get hurt. So difficult

    Thank you

    in reply to: Brake up feeling lost. #369598
    Karen
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Yes she has been hurt in her childhood and continues to be even though she says she’s OK I know it affects her. She does try to push it away but of course its always there. Her family I don’t understand I really don’t. It’s her family that is in the wrong not L. I don’t think they know really how to love. I think theres a jealously and guilt on there part from the past. Jealously because shes done so well in life without there support and guilt because they know they have done wrong. It’s a shame they are like that.

    Yes I feel as if she gets to a stage she’s going to get hurt and then that’s when she needs to end things because she maybe thinks I will do the same which I have no intentions of doing. I agree it’s like she isolates if she isolates just her then no one can hurt her. One of the times she split the one prior to the last time. She ended it and came through and gave me hug and said sorry I just don’t want to get hurt. Then that’s when tried again. Like I said to her then she can’t keep doing that she needs to communicate. As it’s not only hurting me but her also.

    Maybe you are right that’s why she has done this in a way to protect herself. On other hand why end things so drastically and say theres no going back with us. If she said I need space I need to think work through things etc. Just communicated I would have supported her decision. That’s why I am so hurt with the situation and things she’s said about our future. All she says is I didn’t intentionally go out to hurt you.

    Yeah she’s fine all good when shes busy. But it seems when something stressful happens or something is said by her family that she feels hurt by or when I wrk a Saturday when she’s doesn’t then she gets down and ends thing. Every time she’s ended things it’s been a weekend. Sat or a Sunday.

    I think she does know there is a cycle . Even last night I was saying to her when things get stressful you can’t just run away from things you have to deal with it. When we talked last night you can see she is worried about being by herself in a flat etc as she’s never done that before as it’s always been army barracks. Like I said to her it will be but with her it will be even more as she’s never done this. I will always be here for her anytime night or day. You are the only support I have as family doesn’t support her. I have always supported her that’s what you do when you are in a relationship and love the person. She said before she’s not always had that in relationships. Obviously they weren’t the right partners.

    She knows not to chase her family she has said that alot over the months. But she ends up trying thinking something might change. It’s just her nature. But it’s always her making effort calling txting etc. They never do it. As a mother and father they should be. I hope she does maybe look towards me where a genuine love exist. But when she says that we are over, to move on and it won’t happen again it’s hard and does hurt. I wish I had a magic wand and took all her hurt, her fear, insecurities away from her so she can be happy with me.

    Yes it will be very difficult for her. She’s always had that security when she been in the army. Friends in the next room the security around you as in the sense that a barracks is surrounded by fences/boundaries. If that makes sense. In civilian life you don’t know who’s around you in a sense which can be scary for her. Yeah she has said she will contact me for support as she doesn’t have anyone else.  She will ask for help. There’s alot of maybes Anita isnt there. I just want her to be happy in life I generally do. If its as my partner or friend etc. Obviously I would want her as my partner and soul mate. But who knows.

    She know with her family she need to distance herself and she has. She hasnt seen them in a long time due to covid etc. But last time she was hurt by them yet again and then she ended it with me. This is what I mean something happens and then ends it. But this last Time few weeks ago is when she was Saying something missing with us. I love you but don’t know if I am in love with you. Don’t want to be with you.

    But I am finding it good and helpful to talk to you

    Thank you Anita

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)