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Karen

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #315425
    Karen
    Participant

    He was very social, charming and charismatic.  He knew a lot of people but didn’t have a lot of what I would call close friends.  These were mostly coworkers and people he met in passing that he would spend time with at parties, events and other social settings.  I would not describe him as a people pleaser nor was he fearful of angering others…In fact it was usually him that would be angered by one of his friends or acquaintances usually over what was perceived as a criticism of him or lack of respect.  he would immediately block them on his phone for various lengths of time.  Sometimes he would forgive and invite them back into his life and other times those relationships would never recover and just fizzle out.  He seemed to have a very high opinion of himself and could not tolerate others seeing him in anything but a positive light…

    #315417
    Karen
    Participant

    Yes I’ve heard similar about the Muslim religion but also thought it was only practiced to various degrees….

    His father was a good deal older than his mother (at least 20years) so his father died of a heart attack when he was in his 70’s in the early 2000’s.  his mother also died of a heart attack around 2011 and I believe she was in her 60’s.  His brothers and sisters who passed were much older than him and had already moved out of the family home years prior…He wouldn’t really elaborate on how they died and I didn’t want to press.  yes I can imagine in that family being the baby may have meant getting picked on a lot by older siblings or neglected in many ways .

    #315407
    Karen
    Participant

    He didn’t tell me much.  Both of his parents passed away, his father when he was around 17 years old and his mother when he was in his late twenties.  He’s 34 now…. amazing that he would act like this.  He had a large family brothers (around 7) and 2 sisters.  Two of his bothers passed away and one sister passed away.  he is the ‘baby’ of the family. He spoke very fondly of his mother and how much he missed her and wished she was still around. She was loving but stern. He spoke fondly of his father and of how much he respected his father.. but that he was also scared of getting into trouble or disciplined by his father.  His father would beat him if he was ever out of line and was very strict.  According to my ex this was only because his father loved him and wanted the best for him and his family.  His father would also sometimes hit his mother.  His religion was Muslim, and his father and family were devout Muslim. My ex was no longer a practicing his religion when we met but he still held on to the beliefs of his religion and expressed that he would someday soon become serious about his religion again…. Does that help?

    #315385
    Karen
    Participant

    Anita,

     

    It appears he blocked me from everything.  I tried to respond last night to his last insult, we were talking via text and my text didn’t go through.  so thats it. I know I should just focus on myself and healing, I should not think about what he’s doing but it so hard not to.  I can’t stop obsessing over the why? why would he do this? Why was he like this? did I miss some red flags or warnings? or was he just really good at pretending.

    Thank you, sobriety was not easy at first but it’s a way of life for me now…. I’m grateful for everyday.

    #315369
    Karen
    Participant

    I’m literally sitting here at work crying trying to figure out how I’m going to make it through the day.  Luckily I have an office so no one has caught me crying yet.  I can’t focus on anything.

    #315361
    Karen
    Participant

    I talked to him last night finally.  I just wanted to hear him actually tell me its over.  He was very cold and angry towards me.  I’m just so confused at how it got to this point.  I don’t feel like I did anything to deserve this sort of treatment.  I always treated him well and tried to make him happy.  We practically lived together for the past year. I didn’t nag, pick fights or give him a hard time about anything. All I wanted to do was work towards a bright  future together and support each other in our dreams and ambitions. Enhance each others lives

    You want to end our relationship? fine but why do you have to be so cruel about it.  He said he’d talk to me but this would be the last time he’d ever speak to me and then he’s going to block me on everything.  He told me he didn’t love me for a long time.  That he was seeing someone else and asked me to please respect that and move on myself.  Seeing someone else just 4 days later??! I asked him for how long has he been seeing someone else?  They were friends until just this past weekend when they went on their first ‘date’.  I asked him why he stayed with me for so long if he didn’t love me anymore? He didn’t know. I got angry and told him he was immature and that this ‘new relationship’ would likely suffer the same fate as ours.  He blew up and hit me where it hurt.  I’m a recovered alcoholic, 5 years sober.  Of course I slowly opened up to him about this over the course of our relationship.  I lost a lot of friends when I quit drinking.  I also stopped going out and socializing for quite a while. I had to isolate myself from triggers.  As a result I don’t really have many friends now. He told me I must be fuc*** up from my alcoholic past because who doesn’t have any friends? He told me I’m boring as hell and probably have ‘mental’ problems to have become an alcoholic in the first place and that I should get ‘help’.

    I’m just in shock and devastated.  He broke my heart.  I’ve never had someone close to me flip on me in such a cruel way and so suddenly.

    #315235
    Karen
    Participant

    I think I struggle with self esteem issues and will often find myself in situations trying to win someone over who could care less about me.. There were times I thought yes he definitely loves me but then he’d pull stuff like this and I’d think there is no way he ever loved me..  He was very hot and cold with me and I think I almost became addicted to trying to win that love I was after from him which he’d share in little amounts here and there.  I can’t help but wonder was it me??? Did I bring out the worst in him and now he’ll go on to find someone that makes him happy who he’ll treat with respect? I want to see the good in people.

    #315229
    Karen
    Participant

    I just can’t believe this is how someone would end a 2 year relationship….

    Anita, no this is not the first time I received the silent treatment… He was quick to anger and defense in most of the conflict that arose between us.  The silent treatment was one of his favorite methods to use when he was angry about something.  It drove me nuts and he knew it.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)