Hi Julie,

I just read your story, a few things stood out, the first main one was that he refused to cut contact with a girl who was sending him naked pictures… (im a woman btw) im sorry but thats really not on. only friends with no limits would do that. on the other hand perhaps he chose to keep her as a strength test for you. that is really testing your limits of trust. and i say good on you for sticking in there and trusting. but if it makes you uncomfortable (and rightly so) tell him she has to go, and not for not trusting him but who can trust their a woman who sends naked pics to a man with GF!!!

i think you need to keep working on yourself as you said you would and particulary on your self esteem, that cliche that says you cant love someone until you love yourself is 100% true. you need to be in the relationship happy, not co-dependent, you need to be confident and with enough love for yourself that is anything would take you boyfriend away from you, you would be ok. you would still be you, you would still love you.

i think one of the best exercises for this is being caring and create intimacy with yourself, staring yourself in the eye in a mirror for a few minutes a day, medidtate, be alone. reward yourself when you do good, make an effort to create some positive self talk within yourself. the more you love and care for you, the less you will be worried with your partner running off because you will be secure and sue in yourself that there is no one more wonderful and lovable than you!

I dont think you should end it because you have insecurities you can work on them while in a relationship and as you said this feels like mr right to you.

in terms of always something better, my ex acted like that and it was actually offensive to me! i chose him, no one forced me with him, he ticked all my boxes, i ddidnt need anyone taller, musclier or smarter i just wanted him, his insecurities ended up driving me away.

i wish you all the best and hope something of what ive said here is encouraging 🙂
xxxx

I feel you as well.
i have recently began to admit a lot of things to myself. accept that i have regrets and that i have done bad things. that doesnt mean i am a bad person but sometimes its impossible to realise that. i feel like anyone i condsidered a friedn was fake because seriously who could like that monster???
when self loathing sets in its horrible and a huge pit to fall into. but you can scramble out. i personally like to write myself out of it. i start by just writing waht is on my mind – why the hate. then through different methods i have found on here and other sites i coax myself out. i start to sort the feelings into the places where they belong and then to also recognise why they are there, why they are allowed to be there and how to then deal and leave them behind.
sometimes when i really cannot get out of the black hole i just make myself write what in my life is good and what i am grateful for… then how did it get there – because i work hard, my family loves me because i show them love, why do i have a functioning brain and body because i look after it (now) then from there i really can get up into why i am better now for realising the bad things.
there will always be the fear that things will fall apart, and they probably will but you have the tools now to get back up. and people are accepting, you said you had a few true friends if thats the case they will accept what you have been through and if it rears its head again will still be there when you sort your things out.
you have a wonderful man who has supported you into this and out of this and for that you are truly blessed.
feel strong be strong and let hapiness in 🙂

also MARYLAURA if you just need to talk there is a website google 7 cups of tea and you can just talk to a stranger… its helped me soooo much!

she needs to separate your relationship with her brother and the friendship she has with you, and also the actions of your family are not yours either. if she is not willing to do that or see that then she sadly maybe she doesnt value your friendship past a “sister in law” status.
may i ask what does your entire family have to do with the friendship between you and her? was the altercation to with the break-up or her.

Perhaps you can have a sit down with her or text her to express how much you value your friendship with her. that you are sad and affected about the end of the relationship and although you do love her brother it just couldnt be? and can she separate your friendship from your relationship?

if you have come to the point where you dont want to try to work on the relationship with her further, first recognise what you could have done better and know within yourself that you will work on you. and forgive yourself. like this you will have the inner strength to move on, head held high 🙂

Good Luck