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  • #315589

    K
    Participant

    Thank you Anita and Peggy for your feedback as always.

    Anita, I am starting as a new patient next week to see a quality psychiatrist that came well recommended by my doctor. I am looking forward to this new experience. I also have been experimenting switching up my meal habits, meal times, and healthier eating without as much harsh judgment on my part. I gently keep reminding myself how good it feels to let go and to continue to practice gentleness and love with myself and my relationship with myself. I will check out Mark Williams’ mindful meditation series, thank you.

     

    Peggy, I will look into the Alexander Technique. My posture by all means has lots of room for improvement. I think I could definitely learn a thing or two about the teachings of how to use my body correctly with all the muscles, alignment, posture, well-being, etc.. so much to discover and learn! And also as we’ve discussed in previous threads, the never-ending beauty and peace found in nature can soothe the mind and soul. There are so many beautiful sights to observe and appreciate, it is so amazing and incomprehensible how much detail, life, a universe, is in just a drop of water or in a bunch of little pebbles… so much complexity, life, detail, in the “average” that we must pause and observe, quietly.

    #309781

    K
    Participant

    Anita, how do you handle recalling specific childhood/past memories where you feel they are the root cause of the problem? Sometimes I cannot remember a lot of specific memories from childhood, even though I know deep down they’re stored in my memory somewhere. A lot of the time when I try to recall a lot of specific childhood memories, they are the same ones, even though numerous, they are the same ones. I need to figure out how to tap into other memories where the pain may have stemmed from.

    #309765

    K
    Participant

    Thank you for all your replies! As I said before, it is enlightening to see things from others’ perspectives. It is refreshing to learn new things and new perspectives and knowledge. There really is never any use to mope around and feel sorry for oneself. It doesn’t do you any favors and the person who said the mean comment couldn’t care less how you feel. And that’s okay, I say that with no resentment; rather that it is simply a fact of life. It does the mind and soul good to let things roll off, and to think of good things and to not dwell on the depressing things, the stuff we cannot control/change. However, it is important to change what can control, though, and to gently do it so we can feel that sweet sense of accomplishment in our personal lives. That’s always a great feeling.

     

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by  K.
    #309559

    K
    Participant

    Anita, thank you for remembering our previous conversation and for saying “Through a process of gradually relaxing into these memories, your anxiety will lessen and your relationship with food will heal.” Thank you for saying this. There are scars from our past that can never go away but our attitudes towards them can change and be gently eased away after we find ways to make peace with them after our lessons are learned.

    #309555

    K
    Participant

    Thank you Peggy and Inky for both your comments regarding this. It is always helpful to hear the voices of others, what we’ve all been through, and the steps we’ve taken to handle it and overcome, to come out stronger and better. I would like to think of this as a learning experience. We can obviously never control the words other people choose to utter from their mouths. That is on them. However, as we’ve all heard before, we can control what we personally do and say, and how we act, look, behave, etc. So that in and of itself is empowering and beautiful.

    #309551

    K
    Participant

    Hi Mark, thank you for your input. Without including too much of my profession here, I work in a health care setting, so it was not an employee that said this to me. It was said so loudly and frankly with no filter or regard for my feelings. I may be looking too far into this, but maybe in a divine or weird way it was said for a reason for me to get out of my destructive eating habits, i.e., they’re not working well. Sometimes we are too close to the project to realize how destructive or unhelpful we actually are being.. we think we are doing things well or correctly, when we might not actually be.. Sometimes that jolt of cold reality or someone else’s nasty input, when looked through in our own lens with gentle inflection and our own thought process devoid of assigning judgment to it, can actually allow us to see something from a different angle we may never have seen or considered otherwise.

    I was hurt because I thought my intermittent fasting and cutting myself off after a certain point in the day was paying off… I suppose it wasn’t. In reality, even though I wasn’t weighing myself, the fat was just not coming off.. if anything, I was questioning if I was gaining weight.. maybe I did a little. It is very frustrating when I cut back my eating and restrict the times I eat only to have it backfire and gain. I am going to try and eat healthier while at the same time give myself a little slack and be gentler with my eating habits and see how I feel. That to eat 2 or 3 times before 12pm and then intermittent fast the rest of the day may just not be the best thing my body needs. Thank you for listening, Mark!

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by  K.
    #308225

    K
    Participant

    That’s interesting Inky,

    I wonder if it’s just our mindset that is present when we’re out about travelling vs. living comfortably doing normal stuff in our every day lives. I feel like food eaten during travels just is so calorie-laden and rich compared to normal foods & drinks we make at home… all those extra sneaky calorie bombs that are put into those foods and drinks that we don’t even think of doing at home. Do you think that may have something to do with it? I think it has to do a lot with the mindset though and the deep comfort that usually comes with being home and in that routine. It affords us peace of mind and sanity, those sacred things that are important to each of us, whatever that may look like for each person. I feel like if that is disrupted, our bodies can feel like they are getting derailed somehow, or at least our minds in some way.

    #308145

    K
    Participant

    B, thank you for your wisdom here. That is very cool. I liked how you said “, I am not motivated by food; I am motivated by feeling well.” and also what an excellent point that really resonated with me: “I think the Western diet and lifestyle is totally messed up, to be blunt. We are eating large portions of “fast food” and not exercising regularly, and this is now considered “normal”.  So people don’t feel well anymore, both physically and emotionally, and they’re reaching for the wrong fixes — opioids, social media, porn, etc., — to escape not feeling well.” We have such a toxic relationship with food here in America. We have spiraled so far downward it is just… horrific. However, there are still those that practice mindful eating that promotes a gentle relationship with food and therefore the effect it has on their bodies. Such people I’m sure don’t need to rely much on the crutch of opioids, porn, other mindless distractions, etc. Food in, food out, clean eating, clean body. I think we tend to complicate things the way we perceive food. It doesn’t need to be complicated or expensive to be mindful and healthy.

    #308111

    K
    Participant

    Hi Inky, thank you for your feedback. I too can relate to when you said ” Cheese is my beloved downfall. Don’t think I can gracefully go vegan as a lifestyle.” Cheese is also a large vice of mine… lol. But I do enjoy how it doesn’t have many or any carbs, and I honestly think it gets a bad wrap too often. You said travelling is a huge challenge, would you mind expanding on what you mean by that a little? For me, I can say travelling is also a huge challenge for me in the respect that it scares me to shake up my eating routine/habits and feel “forced” even though I’m not being forced, per se, to eat on someone else’s schedule or if eating at the time I’m hungry simply isn’t a viable option for one reason or another. So I feel a perceived loss of control that my eating routine is being dishonored and out of my control, which stresses me out. I really would love to enjoy travelling more from the standpoint that it’s awesome to go to new places and try new foods! That sounds so exciting! It is something I am actively trying to improve on, something that I used to do in past years before my whacky eating patterns flared up again. Now I like to pack snack foods in my purse like a weirdo and eat them in the bathroom in secrecy if need be. It is really shameful and embarrassing to me but I would rather do that and regret it then go on ravenously hungry and get “hangry” and overeat and spend too much money on a bunch of foods out somewhere.

    #308109

    K
    Participant

    Thank you for your input, Brandy. I like how you said, “I’m not afraid of gaining weight because it hasn’t been happening.” I frequently hear one of the most vital components of healthy living that allows yourself the most fun and ‘permission’ is to simply let go and not worry…there’s no point to it. Is that one of the strategies you employ with your eating? Or do you simply not give it much thought at all? How much time and energy do you put into your eating beforehand and during? Thank you!

    #307791

    K
    Participant

    Hi Inky, thank you for your reply. If you don’t mind I have a few questions that if you’d like to answer I would be interested in reading them:  How many meals a day do you usually prefer to eat? Do you eat consistently throughout the day or take breaks of fasting at all? What do you think works best for you? Have you ever had periods in your life where you changed up your methods of eating?

    #307185

    K
    Participant

    Hiking and being out in nature can be so healing, yes. Now that sounds like a great idea: kayaking in the river. Have fun Katie!!

    #307171

    K
    Participant

    No worries, Katie, I totally understand! Me too (in regards to my responses). Thank you for all your input.  I really got a lot out of when you said this: “I don’t think we realize how much shame plays a role in how we live our lives…like we go through life thinking there is something wrong with us and we constantly struggle to be our authentic selves. When we can let go of the shame buried inside of us, it’s much easier to be our authentic selves…sometimes other people don’t like this because we become less “people-pleasing”. But there is such a freedom in being yourself. ”

    I also liked how you illustrated such great points on Brene Brown’s works. They sound comforting and illuminating, that it is all okay and there’s never anything wrong (with us).

    When you said “I guess ideally we would all be able to just be present and not wanting to be somewhere else, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with looking forward to being somewhere you know will bring you peace.” It is so true, when we stop and think about it. There IS nothing wrong with that, in regards to the concept perhaps pulling us out of the present. It is important to look forward to peace, even though it should ideally be found in the present. Sometimes I simply cannot achieve this to the degree I would like to. It needs work. LOL. But that is also okay. It should always be a continual work in progress. That is growth, and that requires time and gentle understanding and unfolding for all of us.  In regards to my happy place up North, there are many beautiful places in my state. I love venturing up North because there are so many pine trees, breezy cold air, and silence. It is restorative and I feel like whenever I go there, the whipping winds that blow into my face and all around me wash away the noise. The noise is replaced by the white noise of the wind all around that drowns out stress. Sometimes I find cleansing in white noise vs. total silence. It depends on my mood. It is refreshing not to hear cars whizzing by, people chatting incessantly, keys clacking, people walking, talking on the phone, etc, etc, etc… I have more than one happy place obviously, but this one is so majestic!! 🙂  Do you have a happy place (or two) you like to visit?

     

    Have a wonderful long weekend, Katie!! That sounds so wonderful!!

    #307121

    K
    Participant

    Hi Sofia, thanks for sharing. I’m not sure what school level you are in, but your story resonated with me back when I was in high school, and sometimes college, but not nearly as much as high school.  So, sometimes in my case, I would create the version of the guy I wanted and “needed” him to be for myself to make me feel wanted and “sexy” if I had to say. It wasn’t even like in real life he was that amazing. I found him very attractive, like with everything he did or the way his voice sounded, or the way his hair looked, etc… silly, simple things that I totally blew out of proportion to make myself feel better about myself, I suppose. In high school I felt like, looking back, my self esteem was lower than where it should have been. I really wanted and “needed” to feel noticed by guys I was crushing on. Yeah… they never crushed back on me.. but in retrospect, that is totally okay. I don’t think looking back on it as a 30 year old woman, it would have been a good match anyway. Over the years, I have come to learn that I desire a deep, meaningful relationship with a man, and to have him be able to communicate well and often. I guess that is a fairly common request and need of most women though. But still, looking back on my days of spending way too much, WAY too much time wasting time turning guys into someone I totally fantasized over and made them into the boy I wanted them to be, that is not, in reality, who they actually were in real life. When guys that I really liked and I actually spoke, it was dull, not nearly as dreamy as I had hoped, and it just made me feel weird and disappointed initially after the interaction. But then some time would pass and I would either go back to creating the version of them I wanted, or I would recognize it was not going the direction I needed and would move on with my life. I hope in a weird way, this helps!

    #307107

    K
    Participant

    Hi Katie, your post was so captivating!  Thank you for your words of wisdom yet again!

    and I can’t tell you just how closely this resonated with me when you said this: “and sometimes I have this sense of serenity but then in my interactions I feel like I can come off high strung, nervous, intense….I will give it some thought but then let it go. The fact that YOU know you have a sense of self, purity, beauty and love and that is where you are operating from is the most important thing I believe.”  I sometimes feel when alone, usually, that I have this air about me that is beautiful, deep, intellectual, cultured, etc… all beautiful, wonderful qualities. Then I socialize with others and I can hear myself in my words, see how my awkward body language comes off, and it all betrays my previous feelings of beauty and elegance. I come off as awkward, weird, oddball, bad at small talk. I feel so different sometimes between how I act alone, listening to beautiful music, relaxing, being at peace with myself, allowing myself to indulge in brushing my hair gently, smiling at myself in the mirror, giving myself a foot rub, folding the bedsheets gently and slowly, taking time to clean the kitchen so I can look at it and be proud of my work, and I feel good, I feel like I have accomplished stuff and beautified my space, my sanctuary. However, in social settings, I feel chaotic, rushed, uneasy, generally just waiting to get out of wherever I am. This is not always the case, but sometimes it’s like, I can’t wait to get out of here and be home, or I can’t wait to get out of here and take a drive up north and be in the wilderness and enjoy quiet. I need to focus more on being present, I realize that. It is so hard. I think a lot of us spend copious amounts of time in the past and future and it is disturbing just how much time that adds up to. I feel like in our society it really pushes for “TGIF” and rushing through the entire week and then getting depressed all over again on Sunday because the daunting thought of Monday bleeds into Sunday and “ruins” it. It’s such a toxic mindset. Unfortunately, since I am a part of our society, I have been subjected to this way of thinking for so long, that it has pervaded my way of thinking, and I get that we do have ultimate control of our thoughts, at all times. I really like what you said “I love these points you made: “I do really think there’s truth in the practice of noticing your thoughts, and almost visualizing them floating by but choosing not to identify with them. Just recognizing they’re there, almost in an amused and interested sort of way and then watching them float off…this way we can acknowledge a thought (without shoving it down only for it to return later) without putting too much feeling into it.”  I too have read this in various books and online before, and it seems like it would be so great to be able to become a master of our thoughts, our minds. So that we can shift focus on what truly matters and what is just a bunch of harmful noise, useless deterrents.

    I also like what you said “I read your other thread and know you’re an only child…me too! I do think sometimes that might make us feel a little more awkward in social interactions…just from the solitude we had as kids. I’ll also say that sometimes I do feel like an oddball because I don’t have that kind of (sibling) relationship that a lot of people have.”  I feel a sense of weirdness somehow that I am an only child. We can’t help it that we are, but it still injects this looming feeling of missing out or something. Feeling lonely, especially now that getting older means that I will not have any nieces, nephews, sisters and brothers and their in-laws to spend time with. I always had to rely on my childhood neighborhood friends if I wanted people to hang out with. In school, I always was fortunate to have a good group of friends. However, if I had a bad day at school and I needed to go home and vent/decompress/cry, I had to do so alone, always, and since it wasn’t “cool” to do this in front of parents, it was done alone. I can’t help but feel like this played an important yet potentially damaging role in my life. It was the only way I knew how to cope. Crying into a pillow or staring at the wall trying to find an imaginary solution to feel better. It was really horrible. Of course, I had stuff that I could do to pass my time, and of course, go out and drive somewhere, work, nature walks, etc. But still, in those quiet, never ending hours of time spent by myself wondering if anyone cared or if I would spend forever feeling like this, I feel like that definitely shaped me into the person I am today. But we’re here now & everything must happen for a reason. I have air in my lungs, I have everything I need to live a beautiful, comfortable life. I always have. It is just realizing a change of attitude needs to take place, not a change of opportunities. There are always opportunities to be had, I just need to be in a different mindset to notice them, and seize the moment to act on it.  I paraphrased that idea from “Love Does” by Bob Goff. He is such a cool guy. (Youtube) Also, I read: <b>”</b>Change happens when we see how what we have been doing no longer makes sense.” I think I procured this quote off another lovely article here on TB. It holds such truth to me. It is so wise. Finally, my other favorite quote I read here in my travels is: “No one gets to the end of his or her life and thinks, “I wish I stayed angry longer.”  I think if I had to say, this particular quote has helped me the most recently. Like, is this really something worth getting annoyed/mad over? Bringing it up in a hurtful way? Is this truly important? Am I the problem in this situation? Am I the one that needs to take a step back in this particular instance?

    No, I have not read Brene Brown’s books yet but now that you brought my attention to them I will check them out! What makes them such great reads for you, in your opinion?

    Thanks for reading my novel Katie!!

     

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  K.
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