Sorry I wasn’t trying to express you were difficult to understand, more that my brain just wasn’t in a place where it wasn’t taking things in, and processing the valuable information you guys have shared into something useful. I was just reading and possibly deflecting as my low mood sometimes does.

I think at the moment there seems to be two elements of advice.

The love and accept who you are. Good advice and not wrong.
And the eat better, move more and live healthily and become something I am happy with – which is as good for the brain as it in the body which is also good advice.

But they conflict each other? I some how need them to work together. :S

Hi Again

I am raising an old topic I know but I have hit a new low

I failed my 21 day challenges

Thanks for your reply big blue and I would say you are absolutely correct, the problem is I know what to do to lose weight, ie all the things you have mentioned, but I cannot seem to maintain this for anything of time that actually makes a difference or if I do (I lost 4 stone before on a very strict diet) it just comes back on again and more once I start eating normally. Outside of my weight issues I have a good life and enjoy it the best I can but this also seems to conflict constantly with time and energy to excercise and the foods that are put in front of me.

I have had many many many defining moments! I was embarrassed immensely when I couldn’t get up the hill with the rest of my photography club, I struggled to get in a roller coaster ride, I spent an amazing day yesterday with an MP and the photograph of me with him has made me sob ever since, I got the opportunity to go to Number 10 downing street but refuse to have my photo taken at the door. My mum is heavier than I am an struggles with illness and basic tasks. I could go on and on with many defining moments, but a day or so later and someone puts a sausage roll under my nose and I eat it.

I know life isn’t fair but it doesn’t help that I see people eat a lot more and do a lot less than I do and don’t gain an weight, and I just do not want to spend the rest of my life avoiding the pub with friends, not going to curry night with work, not having a take out on a Saturday night with a movie and all the social aspects that come with ruining my diet every single week and I feel like I have two life options

1) I eat healthily continuously and seriously reduce my “life” to very little
2) Accept that I will just be the weight that I am and try and enjoy life

Neither of them are acceptable to me. If I am not social I enter depression, at this weight I am now in depression again.

I have tried talking to the doctors they won’t help me.

I am in a very bad place now mentally as I feel there is no solution (unless I get the boot camp trainer to follow me round for the rest of my life) I am on the brink of cancelling my holiday as the thought of photos, beaches etc are making me very sad going at this weight

🙁

Thank you all so much for taking the time to post. I am very grateful.

I have certainly taken some advice and food for thought from each one.

Last night (I am posting from the UK which may contradict some of what times it says I am posting)
I listened to the Metta meditation suggested and it was a very positive experience. Meditation has certainly been one of the many habits I wish to encompass into my life. And I will certainly listen to it again as well as the others suggested.

I think to say it is focus is correct, I do find I seem to be able to achieve things when 100% of my focus is given to something, sadly when I need to balance so many other things it can be hard to give that level of focus, over a longer period of time, when “life” gets in the way

My intentions at the moment are to try and break one small habit at a time using post it notes, apparently it takes 21 days to break a habit so I have 21 post it notes ready and I will start with getting to sleep at a good time and getting up on time so I can have breakfast. Hopefully after 21 days of mindfully doing this it will become habit and I can choose another habit to focus on.

With regards the love, I know I don’t need a partner to make me happy as I have managed my life for at least 5 years without one, and I am usually happy. But I never stop wanting one and I find it is the main fuel for days when I feel low and lonely. But I do need to love myself first and these are why all the habits I want to break come into it, I cannot accept myself being overweight so I need to change it. It is a fine balance I find between contentment and ambition but I am working on it

Namaste, and thank you again. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Sarah