This situation seems very similar to my own, but I was the “angry guy” who didn’t seek help until after nearly two decades of marriage and believe me, it was not fun for anyone. My wonderful and remarkable wife is now contemplating my “second chance” but there are now children involved so it’s a bit more complex and there is alot of healing to do all around. My wife seems to have a similar outlook to yours and stayed for as long as she did because she kept holding out hope for me to change. I only realized my issues about a year ago and I am now healing but alot of damage was done to our marriage and we both feel like we are in spot we never dreamed, in our worst nightmare, we would be in.

I would say he needs time to heal, and if his personal issues are anything like mine, he may not know what true, healthy love is and so may not love you in the way you deserve to be loved as a significant other.

You should believe in his ability to change, support it, and encourage it, because if he doesn’t change, he will possibly never a healthy relationship with anyone. (You could tell him about a great website that is really helping me. It’s called “Tiny Buddha”.) However, I think Maggie Black pretty much nailed it. It seems from your own words that you are not a strong match, and so I would not continue the relationship beyond a good friendship.

If, after he has healed and is capable of truly loving someone, and you both still feel an attraction, you can always pursue it then. But, I would give it a couple of years.

Be strong!