Thank you Eliana. I agree with what your saying. I guess its just hard for me to express to the person I’m with how I feel at all times when I feel they aren’t trying to understand what I’m saying. I’m often just settling for that out of fear that  he will leave me if he doesn’t like what I have to say or compromise with me. I made a lot of sacrifices I felt that I truly didn’t want to but did to try to open my perspective and understand him and his needs… But at the same time he just didn’t really see it the way I did I suppose. He growing up actually had a great family background he told me and I got to meet his family. which is so odd because he has such a wonderful family and they are all so close. But for some reason when we were around his family he acted more cold and distant towards me which made me feel so alone and sad. Especially considering it was my first time meeting them. I tried to ask him why it seemed that way but all he said was sorry u felt that way, not my intention. So I mean what else could I say at that point? He also acted so…moody towards some of his family ( like his mother ) I mean she was very excited and talkative but I was kind of like…why now the first time I’m meeting them? you know what I mean? kind of hard to explain without the full story or knowing him I suppose. But I guess at the end of the day, its his own issue and I tried to help but there was only so much I could offer.  He is still trying to keep contact but I feel its out of his own selfishness. anyway I thank you for what you had to say so much! – Kylee

Thank you Amaya. I appreciate your perspective. I understand my anxiety may stem from something rooted deeper. I try to work on it all the time. But sometimes its just so hard when i have the anxiety. Whenever I’m in a relationship, I do open my heart and give the best I can. I don’t really have my father in my life, he would come and go as he pleased and currently we still dont have a connection. He has his own issues and I know they aren’t my fault. But I tend to feel this way anyway. It really hurts me deeper than what i may know or show..that i dont have this relationship with my father. I have tried to reach out so many times, but I’m at the point where its just not helping me and making me feel more sad and neglected. But like in this relationship that just ended, its really hard for me to identify at times whether its me being anxious or if the person is just not doing that much. Which at times I could identify…but often I would just settle for it because I just dont even know…When we broke up he said that im so open and honest and such a great girlfriend… it makes me think then why wouldnt he want me? and it leaves me feeling unworthy…But i understand maybe he isnt ready to be as open and honest with me.. I know that he has struggled with commitment in the past and has other issues that i cant fully explain. It just makes me sad, I responded to him but i told him i dont deserve someone who broke up with me to still try and talk to me at there own convenience. Honestly I feel like I wouldnt have said that to someone in the past because i would be afraid of hurting the other person. But im soooo tired.. of feeling like im giving my all and the other person just gives minimal effort. I am not satisfied with someone who is so surfaced… I need more of a deeper connection. I think often i settle for less and i know deep down what i deserve but than that internal conflict arises. Thank you.

Thank you Anita. I appreciate your response. It guess when it comes to my anxiety I have such a hard time not letting my emotions get the best of me. I seek comfort in knowing my boyfriend can understand that part of me but I know he cannot fix it or make it go away and I’m not sure how to deal with it most of the time. I always feel like I’m over thinking everything. For ex: If my boyfriend doesn’t answer me for a little I assume he just doesn’t want to talk to me or he thinks I’m a burden. Which I know this is most likely not true, but when I get all anxious these are the first thoughts to come to my mind. And being in this relationship this is not the first time I have felt this way, I have felt this way in previous relationships. But I’m afraid ill push my partner away by over compensating mistakenly, because I want his attention to feel secure. I know this is my own issue and I need to figure out how to resolve it but I’m unsure how. Aside from this, my boyfriend as far as I know he has been loyal to me, his previous relationships he was in open relationships he never wanted to be with just one person. And before we started dating throughout our friendship I saw that some of the girls he “dated” or “hooked up with” he didn’t really find much value in them. I would even tell him, why do you involve yourself with these girls if you don’t even truly want to be with them and he told me part of it was he liked the attention because of his own insecurities. Honestly that made a lot of sense to me. But when we started dating he told me he new I didn’t want an open relationship and he new that going into this and that was okay with him. But I guess in the back of my mind I worry just me alone wont be enough for him or that I wont be able to keep it interesting enough. I really care and value my relationship with him. I know that based off his emotions I cant always blame myself, there may be other factors that play into it like work, school or being tired. But I just worry I wont know the real truth unless I pry it out which I don’t want to ever force upon him. I hope this makes sense. Thank you again 🙂