Dating a heartbroken man who is pulling away

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    I don’t know if this helps, but when I met my partner he was just out of a long relationship and after a few months it was obvious he was not ready to be involved again. I let him go. I asked him not to contact me. We both dated other people. After two years he came back to me. We have now been together for 12 years in a wonderful relationship. He is the love of my life. Of course I’m not saying you will have the exact same experience, but letting him go was one of the best decisions I ever made.


    Hey Cee

    You should give him space. Act confidently or just fake it. Confidence is the new beauty. When he ask for you guys to hang out , if you are busy tell him you are busy. And anytime you decide to hang out dont talk about the relationship just act normal. He will talk about i assure you. Then and there give him your conditions. Just give him space and dont talk about any relationship. Just be calm



    Absolutely talk to him about that relationship whenever he should bring the subject up.  If he is n`t quite over her running away fro that/being in denial of that fact always makes it far worse.  Provision of support where it is most needed is the route to enduring relationships, and it is also the place of genuine love.


    His honesty is an evidence that he truly loves you. Give him freedom to do his responsibility of his job. Long distance relationship may not ruin your relationship, just have a constant communication and always show that you trust him.


    Think of it like the Markets. The less there is, the more value it gets. The more there is of something, the less value.

    Right now, you want to have more value in his eyes so make less of yourself to him and get on with your life so he can see that you aren’t clinging to him.

    One thing about a man is that if he wants you, he will make a move towards you. Running after him in any way will just lower your value to him.

    I know it all sounds horrible that we are like this but it is true. Especially, if he is on the fence. A man wants to capture his women. Let him do it. Good luck!


    I’m male and I function reverse wise so I’m not sure I’d quite consider such a tactic as being a philosophical affirmation.   I believe it is both dependant upon the individual male, and his/their actual circumstances.  Younger men taking an interest in you often does no harm in the right hands.  Training harder, and living healthier, this tends to be positive.   Ignore him too much and he might even lose interest/decide that your relationship isn’t satisfactory, so it’s high risk playing around there.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Joshua Denney. Reason: removed code causing display issue
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Joshua Denney. Reason: removed code causing display issue
    Quinn Martin

    “His honesty is an evidence that he truly loves you. Give him freedom to do his responsibility of his job. Long distance relationship may not ruin your relationship, just have a constant communication and always show that you trust him.” -Merriegold

    I agree with Merriegold and from what I can tell of your story it shows all the signs of care, and him saying that you’re free to choose someone else if you like is just him being extremely respectful, from what I can tell he doesn’t want to let you go though I could be wrong.

    Alongside giving him the time he needs make sure to assure him you understand and that if he ever needs you that he can contact you. Also if you’re able to (but that’s just my way of doing things talking) try to get to the bottom of it. Maybe if you seem interested in knowing what he’s been through he’ll be more than happy to let you in, who knows.


    I don’t think the period of dating matters. May be you need to give it some more time.

    jon kirkham

    Hi Cee, just wondered if there has been any progress made at all? Have you connected at all? Is he sorting himself out?


    I think the fact he was honest with you is pretty decent. Not many men are in touch with their feelings and thoughts so that’s certainly a positive. And being able to be ho nest with you. And maybe the “casual” side is also about intimacy. Regardless of being heartbroken we all still ant a connection with another person. But it does take a considerable amount of time to move forward past the love for another. Something i have a fair bit of experience in. I was in a relationship that stemmed on deep meaningful love, which ended when something tragic happened and neither of us were strong enough to support each other. We had a year apart, reconnected and then spent the best 1.5 years together. But as per usual, restrictions and barriers stemming from both of our pasts has caused it to possibly finish altogether. Even in that year when were apart i only really compared other women to her. I still do. When you truly connect with another and see sides of them that nobody else has seen then it makes it even more difficult. I don’t know if this is similar to what this guy is feeling/dealing with, maybe it relates. It takes a great deal of time to truly get to know everything there is to know about a person. And even then there are situations and scenarios which do cause us to change, develop. And sometimes more than we become aware of in time to do the appropriate action before something restricts us. And then there are times when we have to overcome restrictions and barriers in order to move onto the next stage/path.

    Anyway if you feel like sharing…


    I apologize for responding on this post like this, but I’m new too this website and cant figure out how to post my own forum? I was wondering if anyone could help me? Thank you!


    Getting stonewalled, what is he protecting?…he has fears of rushing into a relationship, this should have been put delicately in the beginning and not mislead you…understands if you want to leave, read that to mean you can leave because he doesn’t want to be the meanie…being a guy I know how a lot of guys think. In any relationship, whether it be work, school, friends, personal, there are two kinds of people; those of commitment and those of conformity. With people who embrace conformity, you will potentially have more problems BECAUSE they have to negotiate what they are willing to put forth. Their mindset is, what’s in it for me. What will I get in return?  With people commitment, you almost always have no problems because they are, well, committed. You should be a safe harbor for him and not some bus stop. Also, and everyone consider this, as a guy I know you will have problems getting some meaningful commitment with guys between 16ish into their early 30’s, give or take. A guy between those ages who really want a meaningful relationship is rare.


    Woah! I did not expect this thread to keep going! Long story short, he began telling me he missed me. I asked to not be in contact but then he asked if I wanted to see him. I said YES! He completely stonewalled me again and it resulted in me reacting out of frustration. We are no longer talking. In a way, I felt goaded and triggered but I regret my anxious response and anger. He was very unwilling to talk to me. We are not a match.

    Ryan Smith

    Let it flow.


    Hi Cee,

    I definitely think you are doing the right thing here.
    If he is not ready to give you his time and energy right now, what’s best for YOU is to give him space. I know it’s hard since it sounds like you really like this guy and he likes you too–he’s just not ready yet and it’s not fair for you to wait around for him.
    Give him space, but don’t just wait for him. Get out there and date as well!
    I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of Lola Jones, but her dating book helped me so much in realizing what is it that I really wanted, what I really NEEDED in a relationship, and how to attract the right person for me. It really put me on the right path. It’s called “Dating To Change Your Life” and I highly recommend it. Lots of love!

    Christy Lim

    Actually if the man truly love you, the reasons he mention can be solve, not to treat you like this. Maybe try to let go slowly and mix around with new sincere friends to fade it.

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