Thanks anita for your response, I am back for an update.

@anita – The best thing I like about Snorlax is it’s gracefulness. It is a mellow pokemon, but that does not necessarily make it weak. Snorlax is at the top, for most powerful pokemon in Generation 1. But the way Snorlax lives, it doesn’t require validation from others. All that snorlax cares about is eating and sleeping, but when times come it can put up a hell of a fight.

Now onto the ‘ex’-girlfriend, we are not talking, but the issue with me is I am not able to get her out of my mind. We have a close group of friends and hence a WhatsApp group, where we speak. And it would be highly impossible task to leave that group since we are all very close. And every time I do something it feels like I end up needing validation from her in some way or the other. I feel happy when she likes my Instagram posts. I feel that impulse in me whenever I see her name pop up anywhere. My mind just keeps thinking about the ‘what if’ ‘s. I was never such kind of a person, I am surprised at myself as to how needy and weak I have become emotionally, having no control on my actions. I was never like this before this relationship. I have tried to distract my self a lot, office work is actually best possible distraction. But there are brief moments, for example I wake up with that sense of sadness, I go to sleep with that grief that I have lost her. I miss her a lot, I wish it was easy to block someone from our minds like it is easy on social media. It feels like I am not healing, any advice to overcome such thoughts and cut her out completely?

I went through a lot of threads on this forum trying to find people who were in same situation like me, but I ended up hoping to find a thread where the girlfriend got back together. It is not healing, my mind is just trying to find hope in some way or the other and I hate this feeling.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by lazySnorlax. Reason: Spell check

I couldn’t sleep for 3-4 days, and unable to eat properly that made me very weak. Plus this one night I just couldn’t breathe, I tried sleeping but I woke up with choking feeling, hallucinations and constant headache. Turns out I have ‘obstructive sleep apnea’, currently undergoing medication for it. Doctor has suggested me some yoga poses and sleep positions along with medication at bed time. Chicken pox was 2 weeks before break up, and yeah ambulance was because of the breakup stress and me being unable to breathe due to apnea and like a panic attack, this was after a total week of devastation for my body. During that week was the begging phase, yeah I know it sounds petty, but in that state of mind I was just trying to reason with her and trying to fix things. I really love her a lot, like I know I’d regret giving it up and she was in that same mindset too, she loves me a lot too at least that’s what she told me for these years. All the promises seems blatant lies now. That I was just used, for 3 years during college, academically and financially.  Accusing came out of frustration, why would someone throw a beautiful 3 year bond away, everyone faces problems. We have faced problems in the past, she was standing with me through them.

She never gave me one reason, it was a mixed bag. It was like she herself wasn’t sure, here I was trying to fix things. She was just trying to end it. No matter what reasoning or solutions I gave. Every door was closed. 2020 has been bad for me mentally and physically.

She accused me of not being able to ‘console’ her, well I was always there with her by her side when she used to have break downs and cried, no matter whether it was because of her family or work place. I always told her that work pressure is a useless burden, what happens with your boss does’t matter once you step out of office. According to me workplace tension is a trivial thing. I don’t see why someone would cry over it, but here she was everyday breaking down in front of me. I never knew what to do when she cried on my shoulder, I tried to make her understand that her boss’s validation isn’t necessary for happiness and that it doesn’t matter, she had me and her family. It always felt like I was being blamed for her not being good at the job. I am kind of an aloof guy and had never cried before that I can remember of. And my way of consoling would be speaking out my feelings which were always aloof and how I ignored my work pressure outside of office. You can think of me more like cross between Sheldon Cooper and Chandler Bing, if you get the reference  😀

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by lazySnorlax.