Dear Anita,

I was hoping to sleep longer but looks like I might not be. I’m still a bit surprised that he responded at all. Thank you for the clarification on his response.

A better relationship:

our communication to be better – we can talk about things before letting them build

I improve my listening skills – not answer before I think

No longer make plans into the future – take it day by day

don’t involve my family until way, way later

Don’t stonewall when we get into an argument- happened 2-3x – I wanted to just walk out or I’d ask if he wanted a break

Be able to be more honest with each other

Show him that i care by making a meal – he asked that i try this every once in awhile (I’m not comfortable cooking)

I’m not too sure what else. It’s hard thinking about what was wrong. I’m mainly thinking about the break up and what he said and the few arguments we had and what they were about. I thought things were going well, but like you said he felt misery and that it should end.

~L

Hi Bella,

i just sent my ex an almost exact version of Anita’s text. I’m at work and no anxiety over an answer (yet). I’m starting to realize if he doesn’t want to respond or give me an honest answer, he’s probably working on himself or he has issues that I can’t come between. Or he just didn’t love me like he said he did. But regardless, I can’t let this keep affecting me:(

and you? What’ve you been doing to work on yourself? I would like to start working out again, but it’s my laziness. There are a few things I would like to fix within myself.

Im sorry yours ended after 8 years. You’re strong to be able to write out everything and still think about what and how you can better yourself.

~L

Hi Bella,

I guess I’m okay. Trying to keep my mind of the what-ifs, what could be if I contact him. Different thoughts like that. It’s hard so I’m taking it day by day. I caught a cold, I’m not sure if something is going around or if I’m stressing myself out.

Have you read the blogs on this website for love & relationships? Or letting go? I go back and read a few at least once a day. It seems like it helps to put some things into perspective. But it’s still hard going.

and you?

~L

Dear Anita,

sorry it’s confusing. Well, after reading various things, it’s been advised, to wait until a month has passed since the last contact before making any contact. I don’t know if that holds any weight in a situation like mine. What would the reasoning be for waiting a month?

As far as him not making any contact with me; does that indicate or seem to usually indicate anything you might have seen a pattern with after?

~L

Hi Anita,

I believe I could endure him not responding. I feel a bit numb to this. I would like to try to rekindle something, but I’m realizing if he’s unstable, it will not work. And if he’s unwilling to do anything about it, it will not work. I don’t even have the communication between us to talk about that aspect. Have you heard or read about how it’s best to cut contact for a month? I’ve been reading that a few different places. Any thoughts?

~L

Hi Bella,

That is exactly what happens to me when it comes to text/call. You described it as if it’s happening to me right now.

Do you feel better that you were able to talk to him and start to see which way you feel is best for you?

~L

Hi Bella,

I haven’t text or called him. I think about it a lot though, but I don’t know what to say or how to say what I might possibly say. I don’t want to be checking my phone for a text response. Or if I call I don’t want to go straight to voicemail or just left to go to voicemail.

I would like closure, but reading these blogs, I don’t know that I’ll get it. It just frustrating to think of. I would like to figure things out and keep from thinking about this so much.

~L

Dear Anita,

Despite what others are telling me, move on, he doesn’t care, etc, I would like this to work and I want to try again, but I don’t know if he would be willing. Mainly, I don’t know how to initiate a starting point so I don’t push him away immediately.

Not until recently did I realize through your help, and my past two meetings with a therapist that he might have some things to work on as well, but only if he wants to work on them. I would like to try and better myself with the help of a therapist which I knew I needed over the past few months, but it’s only because of this I’m finally starting because this was a lot to handle alone unfortunately.

~L