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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 43 total)
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  • in reply to: Being broken up with #218465
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    I’m doing okay. But still, it seems everyday I think of him. Wonder if he’s thinking of me as well. I try not to, but find myself thinking of how I could’ve changed things or checking my phone to see if he sent a text. I cannot stand it. I want to get over this and him so bad. I don’t want to think about him anymore. I don’t cry as much anymore, just think about him. Almost everything I read, various topics, I relate to him. It doesn’t help me at all that I think of him daily. And yet he hasn’t reached out. I knew from the way things ended that he wouldn’t. But I had hope for some reason or another. Maybe it was just and still is wishful thinking and a waste of time.

     

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #216613
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    I’ve been trying to stay busy with work, but it’s hard. I think about him and the ending all the time.

    As far as communication, there hasn’t been any. As much as I would like to, I haven’t tried reaching out like last time. And nothing from him.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #215197
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I know if I hadn’t lied to him about something I should’ve been able to communicate with him about, things may have been a bit different. I’m trying to focus on the now, but it’s hard because I know I really hurt him. And now I’m hurting due to my lack of honesty. I wish I could take it all back. I just feel really guilty for how I went about things. He didn’t deserve anything like that.

    I am trying hard to let go.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #215037
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita & Bella,

    just an update. I’m having the hardest time moving forward. I dream about my ex every other night. It’s so hard to deal with. Any advice?8 still feel like it was my fault it ended the way it did. We have not spoken. I deleted his number so I wouldn’t be tempted to text like I did before.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #212645
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It has been a rough day. Yesterday evening, I caved and called him. I haven’t done this in many years, but I practically begged to be able to see him one last time. I broke down and cried and cried on the phone. He said he didn’t want anymore hurt and if he saw me, it would just turn negative again. He said he couldn’t have a relationship at all because there was too much negativity between us now. It really hurt. I know I shouldn’t have called him to begin with. On that last note and conversation, I feel even worse. He sounded so calm while telling me he wished the best for me and that he would pray for me and my son and my family. The whole conversation he sounded calm while I on the other hand was hardly able to breathe and couldn’t stop crying. It finally got to the point where he said he would call me later so I was able to calm down.

    But today, it was so hard once again. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I messed up in the first place by telling that lie.

    I see what you mean by his pattern if we were in a relationship. I just felt like he was right in most of what he was saying to me. I did try to set boundaries when we began to communicate, but I guess I wasn’t able to stick to them. I believe it’s going to be hard to put him in my past because I really did want to have a future with him. And now that definitely will be no more.

    I know one thing I have to work on severely is my communication skills. I thought I was able to tell him what and how I felt, but it seems like sometimes I just made things worse.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #212525
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    To me other people meant, me dating and going out with them. New people. I booked the trip to see my friend the week my ex had broken up with me, mainly because my friend invited me out to get my mind of things and to get away.

    I believe he meant by other people, as anyone other than him. Getting into a relationship with anyone else.

    He called me earlier today and had me in the phone for 2 hours. He’d say to me “you lied to me, why??”  I’d say “yes, I did I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you would react like this. And it is worse that I lied.” Then he’d say “I wanted this, this, this (a family, future, etc) with you, but I can’t get over that you lied.” I’d be like “yea I’m sorry I messed everything up. You’ll meet someone you can have that with.” Then he’d say something back like “is that what you want? so you don’t want anything?” And I’d get so confused and say “wtf you just said you cant have anything with me because of what I did.”

    The conversation was like that in various ways, over and over. It hurt so bad. And now I feel even worse. I said a few times that if he hadn’t broken up with me none of this would’ve happened. But I still feel extremely bad for hurting him with my lies. It hurts me to know that I hurt him so much.

    ~L

     

    in reply to: Being broken up with #212447
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    So much has happened within the last week. And it all ended in a complete collapse of the relationship on my fault yesterday.

    Last week I took my trip out of town. Since my ex and I were on speaking terms again, I didn’t want to have to explain I was going out of town to somewhere new, for no reason. The actuality was I was going to visit a friend, ex boyfriend turned friend for the last decade, of whom I had not seen in over 10 years. It was a spur of the moment trip I made the decision to do right after my ex broke up with me.

    While I was there, I decided (wrongly) that it would be best for myself and my ex if I lied and just said I was working and with my family. He was already questioning my lack of communication and I didn’t want to explain where I was and why I was there. I knew already he wouldn’t have understood.

    Yeaterday, after spending most of the day together trying to just talk and hang out, see if this could be something again, I ended up hurting him. It was not my intention. I had brought in clothes from my trip (don’t know why I still had it in my bag) and while going through them I found my plane ticket. I had meant to throw it away because I didn’t want him to see. Of course it was my blantant lie about the whole thing. I forgot to do so and he found the ticket. Rightly so, he got extremely angry. He went through texts and realized I lied and made me leave.

    I called about an hour later to apologize, knowing full well, I shouldn’t have lied to begin with. During the phone conversation, he brought up everything again about why he broke up with me. How I could’ve just told him I needed to get away and I tried again to explain I didn’t feel he would’ve understood because of how he was acting two days into us talking again. He apologized for breaking up with me and hurting me. He thinks maybe I did this to get back at him, by intentionally leaving the ticket out. But, as mean as it sounds, it was something I didn’t feel I wanted him to know about because we aren’t a couple.

    Im not writing any of this because I was right.  I know it was completely wrong of me to lie about anything. It’s hard knowing I ended up hurting him, maybe more than he hurt me. He did want to start over again, but my need to hide something I knew he wouldn’t understand and him find out about it unintentionally changed everything. My decisions were wrong and I in turn am facing the lifelong consequences of my actions.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #210571
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It has been a busy past few days. Update: he has been calling and texting everyday. I’m staying as nonchalant as I can be. He suggested going away for a few days once he returned from his job. We still have yet to talk in person. But, my thinking, especially because he stated he wants to take things slow, is it’s probably not a good idea to spend a few days away together, like a couple, if that’s not what we are. He spoke of the possibility of being in a relationship again, but doesn’t want to rush things. I mentioned all this to him and he responded well I guess i’ll see you in July since you don’t think it’s a good idea to come with me for a few days. Then sent a follow up text stating: Im sorry for being selfish, im not trying to make it feel rushed or change you in anyway, i wish that you didnt look at it like that. Just more aware and thoughtful i guess.. but if you feel like im trying to change you thats not the case and im sorry.

    i don’t remember saying anything about him changing me. If I did, it was late and this has been exhausting to try and improve things over the phone. I know you said it would be hard.

    As far as the effort I need to put in and him not viewing it as 90%, well that will be hard as well. If I’m unable to contribute to his happiness with what I’m able to at the time, it will hurt the relationship more. It’s a pain to try and talk over the phone about issues when they are small and could very well be ironed out.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #210145
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    He called last night and we spoke at length. Although I had wanted to in person, he wanted to explain why he broke up with me. It’s pretty much what you described. He felt left out and ignored by me and my family. He said at one point, maybe he’s too needy. Since a day has passed and the conversation varied from subject to subject, I can’t remember the details unfortunately. He did explain again at length about my dad & his judgment, the weekend before we broke up and how he didn’t feel included at all.

    Your first question. He never showed any type of jealousy. He understood that I was a mom as well.

    The second question, I don’t know how to feel. I don’t want him to hurt, but if he does not believe I’m capable of being there for him like I’ve tried to be, I’m not sure what else I’d have to do. He said he felt he was putting in 100% and I was only giving 30%. And that it should’ve felt natural to me, but he said it didn’t seem like it was. I did apologize and explain it’s not as easy as it seems.

    We did agree to meet when he returns in a few weeks. Then he’ll be leaving again a few days after that for I’m not sure how long.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209987
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    An update on the text. So after he asked about how our relationship was before, I told him: “Why don’t we save that for our chat in person. It’s too difficult to talk about this over text.” a few hours after I sent that he responded with: “i do think of you.” Again, it was random, but i responded “I think of you too.”

    This morning, I woke up to a good morning text from him which caught me by surprise. It was how we would great each other usually whoever woke up first. I said good morning back and went about my day. I didn’t send any other texts because frankly, I’d rather talk in person.

    This afternoon, he sent: “Are you going to see another guy.” Again, out of nowhere. It took me a few minutes to think of how to respond because I don’t know why he’s asking, but I responded: “no”

    him: you promise

    me: I promise

    him: I wouldn’t be able to deal with that

    me: i know

    him: Is that why you wouldnt or bc you dont even want to

    me: I don’t want to

    him: Have you had some time to think about how are relationship was

    me: yes, I have

    him: Do you want to know when ill be back, to talk

    me: sure

    I had to make myself give short and to the point answers at the time because I was wondering, why does he assume I’ll immediately start seeing someone else. I wanted to ask him why he thought of that, but I didn’t. I’d rather talk in person about things like that. It’s been an interesting few days. My anxiety has no shown itself in regards to him texting or waiting for him to text me or a response. But I do know we’ll have to talk about his feelings and mine soon enough.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209757
    L
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    so his latest response is: How was our relationship before..

    I now know exactly what you mean by this cannot continue through a text conversation. I’m going to ask, rather tell him I’d rather talk about it in person because it’s too hard to text about.

    in regards to me seeing other men, I’m not sure what he’s on about. I never gave him any reason to think I was cheating or that I cheated. I know one of his girlfriends cheated on him. He said he took his little brother on a trip, but didn’t bring her along. So she cheated on him to get back at him.

    My job is primarily with men. So he used to somewhat say things like, “were they flirting with you?” Or “it’s only you and him there?” Just things of that sort. And I’d always reassure him that he was the only one. I did cut contact with a few male friends actually.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209749
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    A lot happens when text messaging is the main way of communicating. We sent a few texts back and forth. I’ll post the log here:

    Him: Answer me.. i hv to get back on the road soon.. did u see any body while u where seeing me. What was dishonest……

    Me: I thought everything was fine, when clearly it wasn’t. I was lying to myself and to you, by ignoring that things weren’t okay. No, I was seeing you and only you.

    Him: Im headed to renovate my step dads house. I still need some time to think. I do think of you, not just negative but positive too.. maybe when im back we can chat in person. Im not going to get back involved if you start seeing other ppl though.

    me: Be safe. I don’t expect this to be anything quick or back to how it was. I don’t want the same relationship we had before. I’ll be here when you get back. I don’t feel like seeing other people anytime soon. I need to take care of myself.

    These are times when I’m not sure if my responses are properly communicating how I feel or if they’re getting across to him appropriately. This is somewhat stressful like you said it would be. But I’m happy I’m not anxious.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209741
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’m not sure if you missed it but he did respond. I quickly posted it after my longer post.

    he asked:  What where you being dishonest about..

    I’m not sure how to word this but thank you so much. This is going to be a challenge because even with this question. I can’t think of anything I was dishonest with him about.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209737
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    the only thing he responded was: What where you being dishonest about..

    This may take a bit longer then I expected with questions I definitely did not expect.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209729
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I edited and sent. I guess like you’ve said before it’s up to him if he wants to resume/start new in anything. I don’t feel anxious. Still a bit numb to what his response will be and how this might play out. Is that weird? I thought I’d be floating with joy that he’s responding. I probably don’t want to get my hopes up.

    I definitely do not want to resume a relationship if he thinks it’s not a good relationship. But one thing I do hope is he’s able to be honest with me about how he’s feeling.

    ~L

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 43 total)