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December 25, 2023 at 8:29 am #426362
DC
ParticipantDear Anita – I agree. We are having 37 degrees Celsius today in Western Australia, so it is a scorcher hence another reason not to go out. It is always summer here over Xmas! The internet enables us to be more alone by ourselves, which is double-edged, I believe. Hope you have a good time at home. Good night Anita!
Cheers
DC
December 25, 2023 at 7:47 am #426359DC
ParticipantSame to you Anita – hope you have a great Xmas and New Year break! Are you going away or staying at home during this festive season? I am going to be at home most of the time – allows me time to reflect and catch up on things.
Cheers
DC
November 4, 2023 at 10:42 am #424785DC
ParticipantBless you Anita!
November 4, 2023 at 10:23 am #424783DC
ParticipantDear Anita
Thank you again for your kind words about me! I believe that my dealings with my mother over the years have shaped me to be the person I am. I do stand up to abuse and bullying. They are tiggering for me. From our exchanges, I observe that you and I seem to have similar childhood experiences. We both turned out to be fighters. Let’s both reframe our experiences – instead of looking at the negatives, look at how independent and strong we have both turned out to be. While you have graciously supported me through my darker moments, I too want to be there for you. Therefore please feel free to reach out to me anytime Anita. I have been blessed to have encountered a kindred spirit on this site.
Kindest rgds
DC
November 4, 2023 at 12:51 am #424774DC
ParticipantDear Anita.
Thank you again for your post and recalling my bad experiences with my mother. It has been a difficult relationship. For my mental health particularly given that she has now passed, it is best for me not to dwell on or resurrect the negatives any longer. There is really no point. When I saw her in her last weeks, I felt very sad for her. She was clasping to her life, but did not have the health to do so.
I understand where you are coming from re your own mother. Abuse can never be condoned. I did not condone it after I realised what my own mother was doing. I called her out on it, and caused her a lot of grief. As you rightly said, as children, we seek love from our parents, not abuse. It is a real betrayal!
However you have found strength within yourself and courageously forged your own path Anita. That process must have been character-forming, enabling you to be the wonderful lady you are, with the knowledge and heart to assist others. All that pain therefore has not been in vain. You are commendably living a life beyond yourself through supporting others!
I have, and encourage everyone, to let go of any grudge or resentment however difficult that may be. It took me a whiile…a long while actually! When my mother passed, the futility of it was clear for me. As the Buddhists aptly say:
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
With my mother, I saw her cremated. She was burnt and reduced to ashes. Nothing more to feel or say. It is final.
As I said Anita, death is grounding for everyone!
Warmest rgds
DC
October 31, 2023 at 9:03 pm #423895DC
ParticipantDear Anita – Thank you again. And again for following up. My mother has just passed away – she died in June after fighting cancer for about a year. She was a fraction of herself – very thin, utterly helpless. I felt sad to see her that way. As they say, nothing is permanent. Death is grounding for all of us.
On your experience with the female gender, I feel disturbed by that. At the end of the day, it is their loss!
I find you to be a very helpful, kind and gracious person who provides very direct and honest advice. I just want to let you know that I truly appreciate you, and all the kind advice that you have provided people on this site. It showcases the overwhelming good heart you have Anita!
Kind rgds
DC
October 31, 2023 at 8:54 pm #423894DC
ParticipantThank you Roberta for looking at the situation from that perspective. It is something that I did give heed to – except that the building manager could have phoned or asked me before going ahead with it. My view is that she was trying to satisfy the family, and disrespected me by just pushing ahead without even asking me. It is not that difficult to just ask – I have a phone, she has my number. But I do appreciate your different perspective Roberta. Thank you again.
October 29, 2023 at 9:06 pm #423831DC
ParticipantThank you v much again Anita for your kind advice. Appreciate it and hope you have a good week ahead!
Cheers!
October 26, 2023 at 9:58 pm #423779DC
ParticipantHi Anita – thank you for this! Bella represented to me that her contractor would investigate and report! Instead, the plumber apparently, from the invoice, proceeded to fix it without checking with me first. I therefore could not get my own plumber to deal with it at a lower cost. Further it may not be what they say it is. It’s also against the law to just go into someone else’s property and then proceed to fix whatever you think is wrong with it. There could be corresponding damage. To do that, then present me with a bill for all the investigation and plumbing costs is just wrong and utterly disrespectful. She has done that because she feels protected by “the family”. She would not have done that to a family member.
November 13, 2021 at 4:38 am #388532DC
ParticipantDear Anita
Thank you for inquiring! It has been good for me currently. Managed to deal with the committee issue and exposed the dishonest behaviour within it at a general meeting of all owners. As a consequence, the treasurer resigned, which is an excellent outcome. I have decided to relocate as it is not worth my while to be engaged in such toxicity. I am sure that this is merely a short-term reprieve and there will be further undesirable incidents later down the track.
Aside from that, I have been learning Buddhism bit by bit.
How about you Anita? All well with you?
Cheers
DC
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
DC.
September 18, 2021 at 8:46 pm #386438DC
ParticipantDear Anita
Yes, Stephen Batchelor’s work is good. I have his book but have not read it yet. But I will!
I think believing in reincarnation is a bridge too far for me. So is believing in a God such as in Christianity.
Hence secular buddhism appeals as it provides a very practical way to deal with life issues and hopefully helps me become a better person in this life.
3 days ago, I started listening to podcasts (when doing work around my home!) by Noah Rasheta in his website called Secular Buddhism . He may have founded his site after Stephen Batchelor but it does not matter. He does refer to Batchelor’s work a bit during his podcasts. Batchelor published his book “Buddhism without beliefs” in 1997. Anyway, Rasheta has a way of clarifying buddhist teachings to novices like me. In his website, you will find there is a section for people just starting out. In there are 5 wonderful podcasts. I have listened to all 5 and they are very helpful.
I think it is good for me to have a conceptual framework where I can build from. I am hoping that Rasheta’s 5 podcasts will provide that foundation for me.
One person who got me very interested in Buddhism is Robert Wright. He marries psychology with buddhism in a beautiful way. You can hear lots of his ideas via YouTube and also his book or course (free course in Coursera.) Like the others, Robert Wright does not believe in the supernatural aspects but uses buddhism to help others with life issues which, as you know, are often psychological.
Cheers
DC
September 18, 2021 at 4:49 am #386416DC
ParticipantDear Anita
Thank you for asking! Yes, things have been well. I am learning a lot about Buddhism. Came across some podcasts on Secular Buddhism and have been listening to them. Never waste a good crisis therefore it has been a time of contemplation and hopefully growth for me.
Thanks again Anita!
Cheers
DC
September 10, 2021 at 5:41 pm #386071DC
ParticipantDear Anita
Yes, what you said about distress being like heavy, grey clouds is a good characterisation of why I often get stuck!
Thank you again for your support Anita and very kind offer to help. You are an amazing person!
Warmest rgds
DC
September 9, 2021 at 8:02 pm #386039DC
ParticipantDear Anita
Thank you again!
You have the wonderful gift of cutting out the noise and getting to the essence. Therefore your clarity is absolutely helpful.
When I get involved, it is often so hard to see the wood from the trees. I think I get too emotionally involved as well – and that clouds my judgement.
To answer your question – it is definitely not worth my time and effort – so I will divorce myself from involvement.
I really want to tell you that it has been truly helpful to be able to talk to someone like you Anita on this forum. Such a breath of fresh air – and you don’t prevaricate, you just get to the truth in a no-nonsense way. I have really benefited from your responses.
Thank you again for adding value to my life, and diligently hearing me out!
Cheers
DC
September 9, 2021 at 6:20 pm #386035DC
ParticipantHi Anita
Thank you v much for your advice – again!
Yes, your understanding is correct – I also reduce my own personal expenses when I reduce the community expenses.
But very few people seem to care about it until they get the quarterly levies i.e. compulsory contributions that they need to make to top up the community fund. Then they come to me to ask why it has increased! And complain.
I think writing here and hearing from you have given me clarity. I think I am attached to the waste of money – and perhaps I should not put so much personal effort into saving the community funds when I am bearing a heavy cost for it personally (mentally, time, etc).
Thanks again Anita for your kind assistance always!
Cheers
DC
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
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