Dear Anita – I agree. We are having 37 degrees Celsius today in Western Australia, so it is a scorcher hence another reason not to go out. It is always summer here over Xmas! The internet enables us to be more alone by ourselves, which is double-edged, I believe.  Hope you have a good time at home.  Good night Anita!

Cheers

DC

Bless you Anita!

Dear Anita.

Thank you again for your post and recalling my bad experiences with my mother. It has been a difficult relationship. For my mental health particularly given that she has now passed, it is best for me not to dwell on or resurrect the negatives any longer. There is really no point. When I saw her in her last weeks, I felt very sad for her. She was clasping to her life, but did not have the health to do so.

I understand where you are coming from re your own mother. Abuse can never be condoned. I did not condone it after I realised what my own mother was doing. I called her out on it, and caused her a lot of grief. As you rightly said, as children, we seek love from our parents, not abuse. It is a real betrayal!

However you have found strength within yourself and courageously forged your own path Anita. That process must have been character-forming, enabling you to be the wonderful lady you are, with the knowledge and heart to assist others. All that pain therefore has not been in vain. You are commendably living a life beyond yourself through supporting others!

I have, and encourage everyone, to let go of any grudge or resentment however difficult that may be. It took me a whiile…a long while actually! When my mother passed, the futility of it was clear for me. As the Buddhists aptly say:

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

With my mother, I saw her cremated. She was burnt and reduced to ashes.  Nothing more to feel or say. It is final.

As I said Anita, death is grounding for everyone!

Warmest rgds

DC

Thank you Roberta for looking at the situation from that perspective. It is something that I did give heed to – except that the building manager could have phoned or asked me before going ahead with it. My view is that she was trying to satisfy the family, and disrespected me by just pushing ahead without even asking me. It is not that difficult to just ask – I have a phone, she has my number. But I do appreciate your different perspective Roberta. Thank you again.

Hi Anita – thank you for this! Bella represented to me that her contractor would investigate and report! Instead, the plumber apparently, from the invoice, proceeded to fix it without checking with me first. I therefore could not get my own plumber to deal with it at a lower cost. Further it may not be what they say it is. It’s also against the law to just go into someone else’s property and then proceed to fix whatever you think is wrong with it. There could be corresponding damage.  To do that, then present me with a bill for all the investigation and plumbing costs is just wrong and utterly disrespectful. She has done that because she feels protected by “the family”.  She would not have done that to a family member.

Dear Anita

Yes, Stephen Batchelor’s work is good. I have his book but have not read it yet. But I will!

I think believing in reincarnation is a bridge too far for me. So is believing in a God such as in Christianity.

Hence secular buddhism appeals as it provides a very practical way to deal with life issues and hopefully helps me become a better person in this life.

3 days ago, I started listening to podcasts (when doing work around my home!) by Noah Rasheta in his website called Secular Buddhism . He may have founded his site after Stephen Batchelor but it does not matter. He does refer to Batchelor’s work a bit during his podcasts. Batchelor published his book “Buddhism without beliefs” in 1997. Anyway, Rasheta has a way of clarifying buddhist teachings to novices like me. In his website, you will find there is a section for people just starting out. In there are 5 wonderful podcasts. I have listened to all 5 and they are very helpful.

I think it is good for me to have a conceptual framework where I can build from. I am hoping that Rasheta’s 5 podcasts will provide that foundation for me.

One person who got me very interested in Buddhism is Robert Wright. He marries psychology with buddhism in a beautiful way. You can hear lots of his ideas via YouTube and also his book or course (free course in Coursera.) Like the others, Robert Wright does not believe in the supernatural aspects but uses buddhism to help others with life issues which, as you know, are often psychological.

Cheers

DC

Dear Anita

Yes, what you said about distress being like heavy, grey clouds is a good characterisation of why I often get stuck!

Thank you again for your support Anita and very kind offer to help. You are an amazing person!

Warmest rgds

DC

Hi Anita

Thank you v much for your advice – again!

Yes, your understanding is correct – I also reduce my own personal expenses when I reduce the community expenses.

But very few people seem to care about it until they get the quarterly levies i.e. compulsory contributions that they need to make to top up the community fund. Then they come to me to ask why it has increased! And complain.

I think writing here and hearing from you have given me clarity. I think I am attached to the waste of money – and perhaps I should not put so much personal effort into saving the community funds when I am bearing a heavy cost for it personally (mentally, time, etc).

Thanks again Anita for your kind assistance always!

Cheers

DC