Dear Anita

Thank you again for your kind words about me! I believe that my dealings with my mother over the years have shaped me to be the person I am. I do stand up to abuse and bullying. They are tiggering for me. From our exchanges, I observe that you and I seem to have similar childhood experiences. We both turned out to be fighters.  Let’s both reframe our experiences – instead of looking at the negatives, look at how independent and strong we have both turned out to be. While you have graciously supported me through my darker moments, I too want to be there for you. Therefore please feel free to reach out to me anytime Anita. I have been blessed to have encountered a kindred spirit on this site.

Kindest rgds

DC

Dear Anita – Thank you again. And again for following up. My mother has just passed away – she died in June after fighting cancer for about a year. She was a fraction of herself – very thin, utterly helpless. I felt sad to see her that way.  As they say, nothing is permanent. Death is grounding for all of us.

On your experience with the female gender, I feel disturbed by that. At the end of the day, it is their loss!

I find you to be a very helpful, kind and gracious person who provides very direct and honest advice. I just want to let you know that I truly appreciate you, and all the kind advice that you have provided people on this site. It showcases the overwhelming good heart you have Anita!

Kind rgds

DC

Thank you v much again Anita for your kind advice. Appreciate it and hope you have a good week ahead!

Cheers!

Dear Anita

Thank you for inquiring! It has been good for me currently. Managed to deal with the committee issue and exposed the dishonest behaviour within it at a general meeting of all owners. As a consequence, the treasurer resigned, which is an excellent outcome.  I have decided to relocate as it is not worth my while to be engaged in such toxicity.  I am sure that this is merely a short-term reprieve and there will be further undesirable incidents later down the track.

Aside from that, I have been learning Buddhism bit by bit.

How about you Anita? All well with you?

Cheers

DC

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by DC.

Dear Anita

Thank you for asking! Yes, things have been well. I am learning a lot about Buddhism. Came across some podcasts on Secular Buddhism and have been listening to them. Never waste a good crisis therefore it has been a time of contemplation and hopefully growth for me.

Thanks again Anita!

Cheers

DC

Dear Anita

Thank you again!

You have the wonderful gift of cutting out the noise and getting to the essence. Therefore your clarity is absolutely helpful.

When I get involved, it is often so hard to see the wood from the trees. I think I get too emotionally involved as well – and that clouds my judgement.

To answer your question –  it is definitely not worth my time and effort – so I will divorce myself from involvement.

I really want to tell you that it has been truly helpful to be able to talk to someone like you Anita on this forum. Such a breath of fresh air – and you don’t prevaricate, you just get to the truth in a no-nonsense way. I have really benefited from your responses.

Thank you again for adding value to my life, and diligently hearing me out!

Cheers

DC

Dear Anita

Thank you for your message again. We will just communicate on this forum going forward as it does a great job and allows others to learn from your wisdom.

In my first post, I shared about being a voluntary, unpaid member of the Strata Committe (“SC”) where I live. Just last night, in the midst of some personal crisis, I had a knock on the door and had a neighbour asking me to help her with the security gate to the garage. It was urgent as she could not move her car out. This happens too frequently – and in the past, I would do everything to help – sacrificing my own time, sleep and commitments. And then work past midnight to finish my own things.

Their expectation is that because I have helped in the past and am a member of the SC, it is my duty to help everyone – regardless. The rest of the SC dont’ help or don’t do much (I think quite wisely!)  – therefore no one ever asks them. Instead, the neighbours come to me because they know that I will help them. Many of these people, I feel, are users. When I do need their help – usually to help someone else within the community – they are nowhere around or just refuse to assist.

I feel that their sense of entitlement – that I, DC, have to drop everything to help them whenever  – has started to irritate me, exacerbated by the inappropriate conduct of other SC members and also owners.

The sense I get from them is that it is all about them, and they don’t really care about the effects on me or the community.

I tend to continue helping because if I don’t, then they would be inconvenienced and also perhaps they will incurr huge costs for the SC by engaging inappropriate tradespeople to do it for them. So, I continue to help.

I have started to wonder if my motivation (attachment?) to help them is also largely driven by this wanton waste of money and resources – they will call random tradespeople to get things sorted out – and then pass the huge, ridiculous bill to the SC to pay (out of the community funds which every resident contributes to). This happens frequently and after-hours call outs are very expensive in my country.

I wonder – should I just refuse to help in future and point them to other SC members – whom I know, would not want to help them?  Should I just de-tach from this wanton use of community funds – and perhaps realise that my time is more valuable than the money I try to save for the community? And if yes to these questions, why am I so attached to all of that?

Thanks again.

rgds

DC