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Rachel

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  • #54940
    Rachel
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear how much you’re struggling. It hits home quite hard because I can hear my own voice in much of what you are saying.

    For a long time I struggled with knowing that I needed help, I needed to change things and I couldn’t continue on the same path. Unfortunately just knowing that you ‘should’ be doing something doesn’t really change much even though admitting the problem is a massive step.

    I tended to blame others for my lack of action. I asked them for help (my parents, siblings, friends, doctors etc) so I thought my job was done, but no one seemed to understand or care all that much. Effectively I handing my power over to other people and it seems like you are doing the same.

    No one on this planet can ever help you, heal you or change you in the same way that you can yourself. Even having all of the resources in the world won’t make you any better if ~you~ don’t find and use them.

    When I was stuck in this rut nothing improved until I started to change my thinking and taking my power back. First things first, you have to reframe. If you replace every time you used ‘can’t’ with ‘can’ you get a very different approach to your situation…

    “I can deal with it. I can do it on my own”

    It will probably sound stupid and wrong at first but this is the first step at taking back your power. Just say it over and over and over everyday until you begin to believe it. You have to be your own biggest advocate and you have to take care of yourself. It’s so great when the actions of others align with our desires but that isn’t always going to be the case. Everyone is just doing the best they can at the time and that includes you.

    Take a few deep breaths, try to reframe and own your situation. You absolutely can do it. Try to take a step or two in a positive direction and your family and friends may begin to follow.

    Best wishes
    R

    #54934
    Rachel
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. I know exactly what it’s like to feel like the only one who hasn’t got their life together. It’s so difficult to try to work everything out when it feels like life is speeding past you and everyone but you can keep up with the pace.

    What’s been helping me is to step back, breathe in and try to realise that everyone has these fears at one point or another – it certainly doesn’t make you or I any less as a person.

    I also try to think back to all of the times I’ve struggled in my life. They do seem to pale in comparison to the struggles I’m currently facing but they all have one thing in common – they ended. Some times it took a long time, often it happened without me realising but I (and you!) will make it out the other side and be better off for it.

    Keep in mind that life changes in an instant which can be both good and bad. Try to be at peace with your present situation by knowing that it won’t last forever and the feelings you have now (inadequacy, confusion, fear) are just ‘visitors’. Life is what it is and sometimes that can be a bitter pill to swallow but once you accept that you give yourself permission to own it you won’t feel the same powerlessness.

    It’s definitely easier said than done but by doing little things each day you can reframe your mind. If you have negative thoughts, recognise they are there but don’t entertain them – just let them go. Try to stop the comparisons against others, it’s great to be inspired by others but when you use their successes as evidence of your ~failures~ it negatively effects your self-worth. Most importantly, just remember to breathe. If you’re anxious it’s so hard to see things clearly. Inhale and exhale deeply and remind yourself that you don’t need the answers because they probably don’t exist anyway.

    Wishing you luck and remember you’re definitely not alone in how you feel.

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