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Laura G. JonesParticipantJosie,
You found yourself in a bad spot and did some things that didn’t serve you well. When you just fluffed the test, it reminded you of all of that, and it probably made you feel like this was somehow definitive of “who you were”. As if you were somehow a bad person that “just did these things.”
Perhaps this is the explanation, perhaps it isn’t. The truth is, no one can know except for you.
But I want to encourage you to not let what you did define who you are. You have done some good things and some bad things in your life. We all have. But judging yourself like this only takes away your energy and channels it in a direction that isn’t going anywhere.
I believe that every mistake we make is a gift, because it brings along a lesson. Sometimes we don’t learn the lessons, so we keep making mistakes until the lesson is obvious enough that it slaps us in the face and we finally start learning it. Many times, the lesson is that we were not valuing the right things, that we were pursuing things that weren’t aligned with our true purpose.
For your shame – allow yourself to feel it. Just let it be there but don’t let it rule your life. Once you feel it, hear what it has to say, and recognize that it’s just trying to protect you. Then decide to let it go, as what you do does not define who you are.
Good luck Josie!
Laura G. JonesParticipantChelsey,
I think what you’re doing can be a very good things. Don’t allow their protests to get to you – you are working on finding your voice and the courage to stand in the space that belongs to you – without being pulled in a million directions.
Remember that no one can hurt you without your consent. This piece of advice has taken me very far. No matter what they say or what happens – you are the only one who can influence your feelings.
I definitely recommend reading a bunch of good books (both in the personal development field and whatever you like), meditating, writing and journaling, but I think what’s most important is exploring what you really like. Doing what feels good. Learning to follow your intuition, day-in, day-out, about the smallest things. A lot of times when we’re with friends we never even stop to consider “what is it that I really want to do?” We just follow suit and do what everyone else wants to do. This is the perfect time for you to just foster your awareness and start paying attention to what feels right to you, and the directions your intuition is pulling you towards.
I commend you for taking this time for yourself. I’m sure it will be a time of transformation and discovery you’ll be grateful you had.
Hugs,
LauraLaura G. JonesParticipantHere is something I posted exactly on this topic, telling my story and my advice: http://linktoyourself.com/2013/08/stop-emotional-eating/
I highly recommend intuitive eating over any rigid diet – it is so much more holistic. I personally read the book “Diets don’t work” by Bob Schwartz. That book takes you through several emotional questions that really helped me out. http://www.amazon.com/Diets-Dont-Work-Naturally-Step-By-Step-ebook/dp/B003F8S7FE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1390163956&sr=8-1&keywords=diets+don%27t+work
Generally when we do something that doesn’t serve us, it’s because that behavior is in some way comfortable and sustainable by our ego. So when we try to break the bad habit or change our status quo, we end up self-sabotaging our efforts. One of the things that helped me the most was ask myself “How is this serving me?” and “what am I afraid of?” – as in, what are you afraid of in eating well? What if you didn’t binge eat? There is always something that your ego is afraid of, which is why it chose the solution of emotional eating to protect you.
Also, in terms of calming yourself, I highly recommend meditation, EFT, and journaling. I have several brief meditation videos on YouTube on Favorites for when I need a quick calm-down. I would also recommend building a daily habit of meditating because that will REALLY help you be more in control of your cravings. Emotional eating doesn’t help anxiety at all, it just numbs you and destroys your self-esteem.
Laura G. JonesParticipantTeamoi, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It stinks to live your life according to other people’s rules, and it’s not fair to you or them.
You have value just by virtue of the fact that you were born. You have the same value as everyone else on the planet – even a king or a big-shot CEO. Spiritually and emotionally speaking, you are equal to them. On the inside, we’re all made of the same things.One thing you need to realize is that everyone also has fear and doubt. You’re not alone in feeling inferior. Most people sadly feel inferior. So that person who is judging you is judging you from their own pain, because it helps them feel less inferior. Every time people try to hurt you it’s because they are lashing out from their own pain and shame.
Another thing you should know is that everything in life is there for a reason. You are experiencing these things because your soul chose for you to experience them. In fact, you are essentially creating these feelings for yourself. No one can hurt you without your consent, so you are basically hurting yourself through your projections on other people. Sometimes this inner pain can be the best catalyst for change and growth – the only reason why I know for sure that I can help people is because I know their pain.
What I encourage you to do is write down your fears and doubts: what are you really afraid of? What’s going to happen if you speak your mind? What can be the worst that can happen? Practice awareness and see your fears trying to protect you, but learn to take charge of them so you can be true to yourself.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 