Coming back here after a long break….Please explain to me what you believe she meant by being that “never ending pest eating you from the inside”? She thinks, the thought in me, that…she has done things, whatever she has done, is eating me from inside and these thoughts of her will be never ending for me, since we both will not be able to leave each other whatsoever….

During her emotional outbursts, most of the time she blurts out everything she thinks and will be emotionally unavailable and will be spending her time alone(atleast that’s what she advocates), but, I knew she spends time with her friends and does things which makes her happy and she is not a person to miss any opportunity, which makes her to live in the moment and make herself happy…

I’m also in very deep emotional trouble now, since i’m in a cross roads in my career and professional life which will be decided in january…

I feel so bad and wrecked and want to run away to a place where no one knows me and just spend some time untill everything gets settled, which i can’t… I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THESE COMMOTIONS AND CONFUSIONS…. I HATE THIS LIFE!!!!

SORRY FOR BEING OVER EMOTIONAL…SIGNING OFF FOR NOW!!

Dear Anita:

Can I send the message which she has sent to me? Will it help in anyway to get more clarity on how is feeling about this and based on it you can give me your insights?

Dear Anita,

There is absolutely no danger to her physically, only financially and emotionally (lack of funds for business, which she needs to manage on her own for my share – I have demanded it yet and will not be in future, she can give whenever she wants or gets it), emotional distress, since I will not be there to be part of it to either help her or to stand with her on this…

apart from this there is absolutely nothing to be alarmed of…

Dear Anita:

I’m finally planning to open up this to her, since I need to take care of my feelings first, so that it should not hurt her in anyway.. and I can’t think of how much more she will be disturbed while hearing this and how much I have to go through seeing her or conversing with her when she is in pain or disturbance because of this.. I’m not even certain, if she will be like that….. I just don’t want things to get ugly, where emotional distress is misinterpreted….

Anita,

Yes. He has not done anything as you said, no regrets or no feelings, coz, he thinks, that’s the way, it should be, even now, he is very careful,to make sure, i dont’ make any mistakes and keeps micromanaging me once in a while, trying to know about my whereabouts when, im late to home or out with friends on a weekend.

he is not a person to discuss about anything openly, the kind of relationship or caring or nurturing between a father and a son, and he is not that type…

Also, I cannot leave him, until he goes away forever, since our cultural and social setup doesn’t work that way and I’m very emotionally attached to my parents,even though, I knew, I should’ve been bought up in a much better way, but that’s all they knew at their time, getting a good name in the society and in front of relatives to be proud of, and getting into better studies and careers.. I’m not sure, if I can blame them for it…

Being the only son, and first male child of the family, they had lot of expectations on me, which I didn’t fulfill almost 90% of it, infact, everything stumbled because of those expectations only and because of my anger towards those expectations, that, I just did exactly the opposite of, whatever was expected out of me…

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for the clarification and I deeply apologize for the misinterpretation. I understood from your previous post, that, communication is vital and people have to communicate properly so that the other person does not feel left out, that’s the way I understood and I felt, if we communicate, we can do anything, since, we are keeping the other person informed. It was bad on my part to understood what you said in this way…

Yes, Now I understood, I have a way to change things around and cease contact with her and take care of myself.. Hope it works, without any major setbacks on my side.. I don’t believe in God as such, but still request all of you who has helped me here to understand, what it is, to pray for me…

I think, I need to better engage myself, in other ways to improve myself and to divert my attention from her for my own self improvement.. but still, once in a while, this rage inside me, springs up as to demand answers from her and not to let her go off the hook, since I feel let down, and whatever I did for her was not reciprocated in the same way, which was not possible in reality, at least for her in her own terms and way…

Hoping for the best!!! but, honestly, I’m a person, who never accepts wrong doing from people close to me, I feel, i got more attached to the concept unknowingly, u break it,,u fix it.. but still i remove them from my life completely or isolate myself from them, which i’m not able to do this with her… from where do you think, these thoughts are stemming from? may be inherited from my strict father, that no mistakes are allowed, whatsoever and if you do, you will be punished in some way, which I might find suitable??

this is the vicious cycle, it was talking about, punish them, and then go back to them, feeling either pity for them or just because, i’m feeling lonely and depressed, losing their presence in my life…

Anita,

Yes. you are right!!!. I did involved in the business, since I promised her during those times and to show my gratitude towards her, I joined the business, and still she argues that, she has not changed and I’m looking at her other relationships in a different perspective, bcos of my insecurity issues and nothing more to it… I’m really not sure, what exactly this insecure issues means? I’m not jealous or possessive, I just miss her and needed her to be with me as she used to be spending more time and be dedicated.

But, my question is, how can people get closer to other people at a personal level(not including sex), when they are already in a committed and close relationship? is it possible? will we get those kind of thoughts to get closer to someone else, if we are already close to someone at a soulmate level…

Dear Anita,

It’s perfect!!!, we just dont want to get out of our comfort zone and tread new waters, not to risk the current setup and ending with the same thing again!!! But I’m not sure, she has ever provided me with any kind of safety, either emotional or financial.. all I can feel right now, is we were just companions, who were close together..but, nothing beyond that…and may be, we both mistook it as love!!!

and I have never gone to her with any issues from my personal life or for any kind of safety…All, I wanted is, may be to loved for who I am and someone who does that till the end, as they were from day one, which didn’t happened and I was brutally shocked, to see how people can change so much, in a gist, just because situations were not serving them right…