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In a world where people pay attention to the big picture and not on the frivolous details…charactor would be rewarded. We are all human beings and should pay attention to how people treat one another. Someone should have stepped in and corrected people who have bullied me but they didn’t. If you believe in people then I say people I would think are quite able of recognizing good deeds and bad deeds. Should we ignore the way someone treats someone else because they flatter us?
I would also think that someone somewhere would be attracted to someone who feels deeply, tries to do what is right, works hard…but is most of society in love with getting something from someone as their only reason for being attracted to that person? I have seen women act helpless and needy in order to get men to do things for them that they are too lazy to do for themselves…and he doesn’t seem to see it. She gets rewarded for being a con artist and it should be known that she is being a con artist because he should be able to see it. Bullies are often nice to people they can get something from.
I do not think it is a mental health problem to believe in negative or positive energy influencing people. I am very spiritual and have open beliefs. I consider everything and dismiss very little. I also on a logical level consider the odds against the all too frequent coincidences in my life. I am open to ideas because no one can give me a logical explanation for these happenings.
Real people are not held in high regard…and if you are a woman you definately better steer clear of being real. All it will do is bring you loneliness but I still say hang on to being real no matter much of target you are and no matter how much it hurts.
I understand why lyrics I just posted are awaiting moderation. I should have just posted the versus that I can relate to the most. I didn’t realize until after the fact that not everyone might enjoy all the lyrics, I apologize. The song just means so much to me. I would like to repost an edited version with only the more universal lyrics appearing if I could? I should have done that.
Thank you,
Again I apologize.
Lisa
Anita, I am doing better today. I am holding on to especially one nutritional diet choice and even got out walking today. I am overlooking my goals today and wanting to enjoy the path more than the outcome. I really need to be persistant with that. I would like to repeat my thoughts to you about not being able to face the final obstacles that stand between me and my dreams. My will is there to a point.
Yes bullying has had a profound effect on my life. I have seen people who have bullied me grow up to have families while I have been left to survive. It’s not that I do not want others to have happy lives and have love in their lives…my question is what did they do to deserve that and what did I do to deserve to be alone? I guess the school I went to emphasized award…not that I didn’t want to do what was right just for the sake of it. I just never thought if I worked hard that I would ever be punished.
Idon’t know if I believe there is an “entity” making things happen to me. I am just trying to understand the numerous and I mean numerous, not one or two coincidences that seem to set me up for a fall. I was optimistic when I came out of my room at home, I was optimistic about starting school, I was optimistic when I joined in playing a game with my peers, I was optimistic starting high school, I was optimistic going into my twenties…my thirties…every time I get a new job etc. Every new experience I feel there is someone showing up looking me in the eye and saying umm “Who do you think you are?” “Don’t get too comfortable, you are not liked.” I feel like I have to be served humble pie just for thinking that I’m just as good as everyone else.
So I am just trying to come up with an answer as to why things always seem to fall into place to trip me up.
I want to apologize again for answering later than I said.
Thank you,
Lisa
Lisa24, thank you for your wishes. I do not give up but I always stop right before the biggest hurdles. I get into a good mindset and I get past many obstacles but when I reach one or two of the biggest hurdles to be where I want to be I fall down. Get depressed and then go back almost to the starting line and go through the same pattern yet again. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have done this. I am not sure why I can not or find those last hurdles impossible but they are so big I just stop.
I often compare the scene in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland where Alice wants to get into the garden and faces the obstacles of trying to do that and finally sits down and cries to my own life. That scene really captures how many times I have tried to work out the problem only to end up in tears.
I am somewhat more optimistic today. Thinking about more ways of getting into the garden which is a metaphor for my dream life.
I agree with you about paying attention to small ways of getting there. Those small things I can do to improve my life…I am still thinking of them.
Therapy is very difficult to maintain on limited resources. I would love to still be in therapy.
I second your thoughts on Anita. She has helped me a lot these past months and I am in awe of her generosity in giving advice. I have been inspired by the advice I have been given here by Anita and others.
Thank you again and I apologize for responding a day later than I said but what I want to do and what I actually do sometimes are two different things.
Thank you,
Lisa
Anita I am searching for an answer as to why I am constantly placed in an uncomfortable position that I did not cause. I live in a city, a big city, not a small town…what are the chances of this guy living one building up from a person I want to avoid? I am looking for a logical answer. The logical odds are against me constantly be hunted down by bullies but I can’t avoid them. I have to get out of this cafe. It feels very hostile. I wish I could talk to my landlady.
Regarding my issue I thought maybe I could wear sunglasses and a scarf, go into the apartment, do my work and just cover up again when I leave…but why do I have to do that??? I have done nothing to this woman and yet I have to worry that a spoiled brat who looks down on me would take delight in hurting my reputation. Again, why am I put into a position that I do not want to be in, that I did not ask to be in and I did not initiate?
I might be a lttle vague today in the middle of a lot of realness so I apologize if some do not understand my posts. The vagueness comes from how I am feeling but I have to express it because I generally have no where to turn when I feel this way. My feelings are valid regardless how people view the reasons for them.
I feel attacked right now, by a negative energy, by people who don’t want to see a woman like me succeed. I actually feel more attacked by women rather than men right now. Women who don’t like other women thinking for themselves and daring to be proud of who they are. I am talking about women who speak only to gain points from men and men eat it up. I feel attacked by those women and since I believe most men and more than half the population of women in the U.S. live by this code, I feel outnumbered. We are in such a climate right now that even the women I have loved and admired for rising above the attacks feel outnumbered….and I can’t even live vicariously through them anymore.
I feel these people are laughing at me and rejoice in my discomfort. We really are living in the age of the bully regardless of how many anti bullying programs there are because no one is allowed to tell a bully off anymore. Since I was growing up bullying was something that people thought needed to be addressed so it made it more difficult for people who wanted to to bully in a direct way so they slowly became more passive aggressive. Turning the tables where they could bully and somehow make themselves out to be the victums.
Let me try to make this short. Oh I wish I could talk…but anyway. I used to have a roommate in a comfortable apartment. I loved my room and kept to myself. I was friendly but I wasn’t looking to be friends. From my personal issues I probaly cried here and there in my room but I was never loud and I never involved my roommate. She came from a beautiful area just outside if the city and laughed at me when I pronounced a word that sounded funny to her. She asked me if I liked a certain pop star whom I regarded as a bully and I answered that she simply reminded me in style of the person whom I felt she was bullying. I just said well she reminds me of _______ and my roommate was silent. I wasn’t surprised my seemingly stuck up roommate didn’t like the pop star who I thought was being passive aggressively bullied. One day she saw I had candy and insisted that I use one of her bowls to keep them in so I said thank you. A little while later she was wondering where her bowl was and I reminded her that she leant it to me for my candy and said “Would you like me to bring it out for you and she said “no no.” A little while later she took it out of my room and left a note saying that she did not mean that I could keep this bowl. I didn’t want the bowl in the first place and when she inquired about it I wanted to go right in my room and give it back to her but she insisted “no no.” So now I guess she feels in the position to claim I was purposely keeping the bowl from her. If you look at entertainment and sadly politics right now these are the people that rule the world now.
If I expressed any distress over people manipulating me she came to the conclusion that I had to go and insulting me in various words and actions creating a runaway train of judgement that I couldn’t stop. That I can never stop…why?…because I cry in public. When I look back on my life and what I have observed I have been treated worse than a criminal and with so much anger for voicing my opinion and crying in public. I have been hurt by this as well as fascinated by it. I had no lease so she could dump me out and treat me with contempt because she found it odd that I hardly came out of my room. That is what she informed my sister who knowing me didn’t think very highly of my roommate. My sister would ofyen tell me not to cry in front of people because my family knows me but others do not. I personally don’t look down on people who cry in public but as I have learned the hard way in life, I am from a different planet.
So I am forced to move back in with my sister from a place where I paid my rent on time, kept my room and common areas immaculate. I found another roommate who moved after two years and then I moved into my current situation which I love. Well a person whom I live with that I get along great with who has so much admiration for ne…her boyfriend asked me to doing some eork for him that involves me going to his apartment. After I say sure he informs ne of where his apartment is and it is in the same complex and one building up from where my fprner passive aggressive roommate lives. I thinl this former roommate already badmouthed me to an employer and that employer coincidently couldnt use me anymore shortly after she came in the shop. I do not want anything to do with this woman because I feel she wants to spread negativity around me. Of all the places this guy could live it had to be there. I already said I would do but backing out would mean me having to explain why and I do not want to lose the afmiration of my landlady. I also dont want to go there and this woman seeing me and somehow bad mouth me to this guy. Like I said I understand coincidences buf I have toomany “coincidences.” I am minding my businesd, trying to improve my life and then some negativity from my past tries to trip me up. I didn’t want this, I didnt look for it but it found me as usual. I dont know what to do.
I even feel the guy on some level wants to trip me up…and when it comes to guys it doesn’t matter how much another woman admires you. I didn’t ask for any of this and now I am stressed out on my day off. I should be doing something fun right now.
Any advice?
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