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Shelby

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  • in reply to: Unplanned Pregnancy #75687
    Shelby
    Participant

    MaRia, have you thought about giving the baby up for adoption? There are many couples out there who are unable to have children, but are able to provide a wonderful life for an adopted child.

    I know pregnancy and childbirth can be scary, but if you don’t want another abortion and you don’t want to be a mom…. Why not give someone else the gift of a child of their own? Some very good friends of mine are a point of reference for me. They both have incredible careers, a beautiful home and are just the sweetest people in the world. However, they are unable to conceive. It has been a hard few years for them, but they are not looking to adopt and beginning the process now.

    There are probably thousands of couples in this country just my friends. It is ultimately your choice, and I hope your boyfriend will empower you to make your own decision. Just thought I’d comment since you said you were uncertain.
    My thoughts are with you, good luck.

    in reply to: Unplanned Pregnancy #75686
    Shelby
    Participant

    MaRia, have you thought about giving the baby up for adoption? There are many couples out there who are unable to have children, but are able to provide a wonderful life for an adopted child.
    I know pregnancy and childbirth can be scary, but if you don’t want another abortion and you don’t want to be a mom…. Why not give someone else the gift of a child of their own? Some very good friends of mine are a point of reference for me. They both have incredible careers, a beautiful home and are just the sweetest people in the world. However, they are unable to conceive. It has been a hard few years for them, but they are not looking to adopt and beginning the process now.
    There are probably thousands of couples in this country just like them. It is ultimately your choice, and I hope your boyfriend will empower you to make your own decision. Just thought I’d comment since you said you were uncertain.
    My thoughts are with you, good luck.

    in reply to: Lost Dreams. How did I get here? #75684
    Shelby
    Participant

    @Kath Thank you so much for that!
    Everything you said makes so much sense. I totally agree. The longer you cling to an impossible image, the unhappier you’ll become. I’ve seen it with me personally, and in others (as you described.)
    Also, when I think about it….life would be so boring if I was the same person doing the same thing forever. If nothing changed, day in day out…Life would suck. My situation would just inevitably fall apart. I’m starting to discover new things that really excite me and make me feel inspired again, in new ways! Why not pursue new opportunities? Life is for living.

    My favorite thing you said was: “You know what rock bottom means? It means a stable foundation to build something on that is real!”

    Amen to that 🙂

    in reply to: Lost Dreams. How did I get here? #75643
    Shelby
    Participant

    Thanks BenzRabbit! 🙂

    Shelby
    Participant

    Here’s the thing lukas-kovac: no matter how good someone seems to be for you on paper, all the good reasons to be with them are worthless without real, solid chemistry. It’s cheesy, but it has to be right.

    I understand what it’s like to feel pressure from family…it makes it harder to listen to your own voice. It sounds like you felt a lot of pressure, and being literally trapped in the same flat probably added to that pressure for the year you were together. Whether or not it was intentional, Julia definitely put pressure on you. Anyone in this situation would feel stuck and unsure. There was never the proper time for courtship, pursuit and an agreement to have a formal relationship.
    Everyone’s different, but from my own experiences I can say (as a woman) that without the proper time for courtship/dating
    things can definitely move too quickly. I’ve found myself in a situation where I’d been seeing a guy for 2 years and one day woke up to realize I didn’t even love him. He only saw me as a role to be filled because it was ‘time to find someone.’
    Things were so rushed in the beginning it eventually came back around. It always does.

    What I did to move on was eventually I accepted what happened and missed my Ex less and less over time. It didn’t happen all at once, but slowly. Then I met my current boyfriend Matt and I completely let the past go…because he’s so much better than anyone else I was with. My ex was a good guy, a smart and nice guy….(People said we were good together,) but he just wasn’t the one. I knew it in my bones, and I’m sure he knew it too.
    Now when everyone sees me with Matt they can see we are both very much in love. We’ve been talking about our future together, it has all been very fun, happy, carefree and natural.

    You should never feel like you have to TRY and fall in love with someone. If you have to try then it isn’t real. The process of falling in love takes time and an open heart, accepting and without expectations. When you go into a romantic situation with expectations for how you want things to turn out, you miss the essential step of seeing someone for who they really are. You and Julia were probably best suited to be good friends, and I’m sure you had a real genuine care for one another. But things happen between platonic friends sometimes, and its easy to get confused. (Then again, I could be wrong. I wasn’t there.)

    Just trust yourself! If she’s the one, you will know it to the core. The best way to find out how you really feel about her is to find a place of stillness and silence in yourself. Let everything go, practice self forgiveness, and allow your mind to be at peace. Meditation, exercise and deep breathing over time will help. It might take a while but be patient. Don’t act on these feelings of guilt until you really know where they’re coming from.
    If she’s the one you will know.
    If she’s not, it’s ok! She will move on and so will you. There are so many people in the world. You never know when you meet someone if they could be the one.

    in reply to: Lost Dreams. How did I get here? #75454
    Shelby
    Participant

    catgirl don’t worry about grabbing attention from me! Haha! 🙂 This is an open forum
    I posted this for several reasons, one of which was to see if there was anyone else out there feeling this way. Sometimes it seems like I’m completely alone (even though logic tells me its impossible.) This has been helpful not only for advice but also in that I’ve been able to hear other people’s stories on this site. Listening to others helps. Thank you.
    Making a profession or ‘calling’ part of your sense of identity seems only natural when it’s what you’re most passionate about. I don’t claim to have anywhere near the talent and careers that batgirl and hope1234 must have had (that sounds incredible…) but I completely get it when you say you feel like you lost your purpose when you could no longer live the dream.
    Without doing art I have no idea who I am.

    Being an artist was the only thing I ever wanted as a child. The harder I worked the better I got, and my passion and commitment were seemingly endless. Everything bad that happened to me I channeled and transformed into work that got better and better. My creativity was what made me special, and it was how I achieved recognition in school and life. I focused so intensely on perfecting my craft that if I had any other interests or talents, they were buried and overlooked…Now unrecognizable. (what else can I even do now?)
    I’m not sure who I am without art. I somehow now need to accept that my identity is not tied to my former passion…I’m still me (even though it feels like the old me has died.)
    Thank you to mssoleil too for the advice….”The most important thing is to be kind to yourself, life is a marathon not a sprint and this difficult time will at some point become your past.” I hope so. I really hope.

    in reply to: Lost Dreams. How did I get here? #75381
    Shelby
    Participant

    I’m so glad I decided to ask for advice. You all are so sweet and understanding. I know I’ve come to the right place for guidance! Heatherbee thanks for your comment, that advice your friend gave you seems to be good for me too. I’m sorry that you’ve had an experience similar to mine. I feel like it’s probably more of a common experience than one might think…In this time we live in. Maybe people just don’t talk about it very much.
    It will be hard to tackle and face these negative thoughts, but I will try. Every day is a new chance to start over. I’ve heard the phrase “fake it till you make it.” I guess it makes sense now! 🙂
    Things seem clearer.
    If there was any way I could go back in time and give the younger me some advice, I’d warn her about giving in to strong opinions at the expense of her own voice. I have a family full of big personalities, (god bless them they mean well) and they’ve done the best they could, but because of their own unhappiness and perceived failures, they’ve put this intense pressure on me to be successful. In the end, they may have been pushy, but I still had the option to either reject or accept their advice. I wanted them to be proud of me, but living the way others want you is not necessarily success. Perhaps success really comes from within…just following your heart.
    Everyday is a choice, our minds really do control our reality. It’s crazy to see how evident that truth has been in my own life. The more I fight the more walls I hit, the more things don’t seem to align.

    in reply to: Lost Dreams. How did I get here? #75356
    Shelby
    Participant

    Also Martina Weiss thanks for the comment and advice. I think I need to rediscover what makes me happy. The old path I was on perhaps isn’t cutting it. I’ve been living in the past. Maybe I need to take a look at myself now and find out what’s most important. I’m not sure what I want to create, but I know that the act of creating brings me joy. I’ll start there.
    The point you made: “who are you without the voices around you” I think really struck a chord with me. I think all these voices are too loud and overpowering. I’ve let them take over my life.
    I believe it!
    I need to let go of the things holding me down. I will think about these questions, and try to open up some space for answers.
    thank you so much!

    in reply to: Lost Dreams. How did I get here? #75355
    Shelby
    Participant

    Thank you mamie, I’m hopeful that this is only a phase. I did a yoga class trial recently and I really loved it. I think I’ll try to go again soon, and also meditation seems like a good option. Thanks again it’s just helpful to have someone listen and offer unbiased advice!

    in reply to: I Can't Live with Myself Any More #75326
    Shelby
    Participant

    Life can be brutal for sure and I know how you feel. But it’s beautiful and there are so many incredible things in this world to see. I’m right there with you. I’ve been dealing with these feelings too. Don’t give up!!! Take deep breaths and feel that you’re alive. Look at the sky and stars. Take a walk.
    Talking to a professional will help. They are trained to give you the tools you need to deal with these intense feelings. I’m seeking help now and already feeling better in that decision.
    I know you feel lonely but you are not alone. I went online to talk to strangers for the same reason you did.
    We are all together in this struggle. I don’t know you but I’m here to tell you it’s gonna be ok!

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)