Thank you Anita and Lori for your responses. I value them both. My thoughts on telling his sister go up and down. I think it might help to understand more context, his sister is a very strong lady, she’s 10years older, and often wonders what her brother is becoming but is also very very aware that her and her brother live very separate lives.

She says that I will pull through and that everything will be fine but it’s hard to listen to her comforts when she has no idea what happened. If I told her, I think yes, it would be difficult for her to hear but I also think it may be good to be aware of the direction her brother is going as she does try to look out for him. He is not someone that has cheated before and that is evident from the diary. I also think her insight and advice may help me find some peace, I don’t plan on telling her specifics, that I think is unfair, but simply that it ended because of cheating. Just as I would have wanted to tell her ‘it ended because he wanted to live somewhere else or he thought we were moving too quickly’ etc. I think she would respect that I should talk about this with him, that’s also something I would want to discuss with her.

I will sit tight for a couple more months to really think about this, having read your comments I am in conflict and hopefully I will have a different mind set.

In a strange way I still care about him, I would one day hope that he finds a relationship in a wholesome healthy way and not through deceit lies and cheating but that won’t be my concern anymore.

As for telling him, I think that is eventually something I will have to do. You grow from the consequences of your actions and so far he hasn’t faced any- he needs to understand that what he did is not fair or right. I can’t harbour all the pain of this while he thinks he did the right thing because I believed his lie. I have had to pick up the peices for me and mother who is ill with a long-term condition and I am still struggling.

Dear Anita,

Thank you for your reply. It has been me and my mum for the last 17 years as my parents split when I was 4. In the last few years we have acted more like sisters than mother-daughter. But we are not very compatible as people, we clash often making living together hard so I oved out 2 years ago. She is incredibly protective of me, she wants to make sure I’m always okay that it can feel a little suffocating so I keep some aspects of my life private from her. But with this breakup I really needed her so I spoke a lot about it. She read his diary. A lot of her anger stems from someone hurting her only child, she knows just how sensitive and soft I really am. Her vengefulness manifests from wanting to seek revenge in someone way, be that via exposure of what he’s done, not wanting him to succeed in his job. She hates him. Unfortunately emotions like that never work out well for me, I am trying to feel more positive about my own life rather than focus on getting revenge on something else. That is what I am struggling to do at this point.