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Maria

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  • September 27, 2019 at 4:10 am #314603
    Maria
    Participant

    Thank you for the thoughtful answers. Meanwhile, I have been trying hard to focus on my world without him and also trying to accept that maybe I will never really know the “real truth” about why it ended. Most of the people close to me say that I was not “too needy” but I just didn’t get what I needed with him and maybe I should have left long time ago. It is easy to say it, but I have very real feelings for him and I miss him every moment of every day. I am still confused about whether or not I should contact him – I would definitely more than willing to try again, but a part of me feels very reluctant to be the one who contacts him and runs after him again, as it was always me during our relationship.

    September 12, 2019 at 8:04 am #311841
    Maria
    Participant

    Thank you for your kind responses. I have read them and analysed everything endlessly, and the last two days I have been completely exhausted. I am alternating between “He indeed did not want/was not able to make effort for a relationship” and “It was all my fault and I am a complete idiot for ruining something so beautiful”. I guess I know, rationally, that the truth is somewhere between these two.

    It is entirely possible that he had something going on which I was not aware of. He was extremely quick and strong with his anger, and it felt that he completely lost any respect for me when he was angry. I was really afraid of saying something remotely wrong or needy lately and I think we were both really tense about it. However, I sincerely believed that we will work it through and I would have never, ever, thought that ending everything between us is the right thing to do. I cannot understand why he thought that, and I can absolutely not picture our lives separately 🙁

    September 11, 2019 at 2:05 am #311501
    Maria
    Participant

    I guess I have left the impression that there was a constant nagging from my part. It is not the case, I made a lot of effort and worked on it, and especially recently, managed to avoid it. I knew very well that it pushed him away, and the moments I did it it was just so overwhelming for me to see that his words and actions do not match well (he said he wanted to be together and everything is well, but he didn’t make effort to show it to me and I just sensed that he is far far away, emotionally).

    There were no major stressors in his life, at least not that I knew of. He was always a bit of a “lone wolf” and enigma though.

    September 10, 2019 at 2:52 pm #311407
    Maria
    Participant

    Yes, sometimes I nagged him. I made mistakes. I am already blaming myself in all this and feeling truly horrible.

    September 10, 2019 at 10:18 am #311307
    Maria
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It is a bit hard to describe, but here is a very simplified attempt:

    Me: “Hey, I was missing you and I really wanted to talk to you more, why didn’t you call?”

    Him: “I did call once! And I was busy!”

    Me: “But you definitely had time during breaks, or before you went to bed. You didn’t even read the messages I sent you.”

    Him: “I did text you, what more do you want?”

    Me: “I told you I wanted more contact while you were away and I think you had time for it.”

    Him: “You are terrorizing me, I really don’t want to talk to you anymore” and walks away.

    Me, following: “Please don’t go, try to understand me too, I was waiting and I just cannot understand how you wouldn’t have more time for me.”

    Him: “F**k you, you are such an egoist, leave me alone”

    Me, crying.

    September 10, 2019 at 9:37 am #311285
    Maria
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for writing. I am not sure about the “aggression” part – I was open to him and said I expected more, at times with a blaming and hurt tone, which started an argument and usually made him aggressive. I definitely was the one who expected more and started these arguments. But I was also very open about it and he knew I was dealing with it constantly (going to therapy etc). Somehow, it felt for me that he was being very strict – the moment I complained a little bit, sent him over the edge and made him very angry. So i was also living in a constant fear “I must not complain”, but sometimes I still did, it just felt so logical to let him know my feelings.

    I don’t know if this killed his feelings and desire to have a future with me. Just a month before he very openly and sincerely expressed his feelings for me, with words and actions, and I am not sure if they disappear so fast or if he wasn’t quite sure of them while expressing them. I am also not sure why he planned moving in together and left me just after couple of weeks. All of it makes me hopeful that there is still a chance for us, but I am terrified to contact him and find out that for him it is definitely over.

    To Inky: Yes, family is my goal, he knew it and it was mutual.

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)