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Lost1Flow

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)
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  • #416648
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Thank you, TheItFactor! It’s comforting to hear others feelings on this topic. The collective wisdom is just the inspiration needed at moments when it’s all a struggle. Will keep up the joy in the small things πŸ™‚

    #416625
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Thank you Roberta & Tee! Much agreed πŸ™‚ I need to get back into community things, and being outside is so important too! I have a little windowsill garden that does bring much joy, small as it is.

    Again many thank to all for the reminders that the small things really are the big things to focus on πŸ™‚

    #416613
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Thank you, Tee! You’re so right, an hour for now can still be worthwhile soul nurturing as you said πŸ™‚

     

    #416587
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Hi Tee, wow, you have an amazing memory πŸ™‚ Unfortunately no, things are all status quo as far as all that goes. So I’ve been trying to just put myself in a different place mentally, with more meditating and reading in btwn when I can. But now and again I just fall back into that deep dark mode, like yesterday when I wrote this thread.

    Hi Roberta, thank you so much for the book recommendations! I love Thich Nhat Hanh. I totally agree, reading even a short passage can be so uplifting.

    Thank you all to this beautiful community for all the love and support πŸ™‚

    #416519
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    What beautiful quotes! Thank you for sharing as well!

    #416513
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Thank you, Peter! I will look for that book πŸ™‚ It’s interesting you mention the element of surprise, as I’ve come across that theme by various other authors like Joe Dispenza, who tell us to let go for the surprises as well. Much wisdom there it seems! I love that you have the yoga class routine. Perhaps that’s something I need to return to as well, for that community feel. Thank you again for your words and inspiration πŸ™‚

    #413135
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Tee and Anita, thank you both so much for all your support and wise words. Certainly will be following this advice and exploring these topics further. Wishing you both peace and happiness πŸ™‚

    #413073
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    That is a very difficult and painful realization you went through. I am very sorry you had to experience that.

    Again, I’m so thankful for this forum, as it helps so much to hear others situations and discover new ways of overcoming deeply rooted and buried challenges.Β  I think perhaps deep down I’ve realized some of these things as well, but denied/refused to accept the truths because they are so hard to accept. So many therapist also say, ‘we cannot blame our parents for everything’ and I’ve taken that probably too literally. Sometimes we can. and should, to move on and forward.

    Thank you again for the perspective.

     

    #413067
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Hi Tee, it’s like you’re reading my mind…

    You feel responsible for her well-being, while she refuses to take responsibility for it. 100%

    Even though she is telling you she wants you to have a life of your own, she doesn’t really mean it, because in her mind, it would mean like being abandoned and helpless and alone. …you don’t want to cause harm to your mother. You feel trapped, because you really believe that she won’t make it without you.

    Yes, yes and yes! She was never in a happy marriage with my father. It wasn’t an actual arranged marriage, but pretty close. So yes, I was her everything emotionally and friendship-wise in place of him. She made excuse after excuse why she couldn’t leave him, but never actually did. So yes, there was definitely a lot of neediness even prior to my brother’s death (he was 15, I was 13).

    Anita, to your point, years ago I tried talking to her about all this dysfunction in our relationship, and she got horribly defensive, called me all horrible things, and we got into such a wicked fight, I never brought it up again. I just tried to slowly detach more, but the same patterns always crept back in. Then when all the caregiving started, it just got that much worse.

    #413029
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    How I just wish there was someone else. She has no siblings, and as I mentioned, my brother passed away. She got very clingy after his death, and I was mourning so much at the time too (we were very close and only two years apart), I fell into the codependent relationship too. If I had only known the beast it would morph into…

    #413026
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    I definitely agree with you. It is selfish, and it’s just me feeling badly because she has no one else to lean on. I’ve tried encouraging her to make new friends, but she doesn’t put in any real effort. Now I can understand she doesn’t have the time, but in the past, it was easier to just rely on me. I know it’s really a bad corner I’ve painted myself into lol

    #413003
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Thank you, going to try to start the year on a positive note!

    It was complicated with him. We had problems, but we were both very young. She always thought I deserved someone who “treated me better”, but I honestly was happy enough. I knew no relationship was perfect. I think she was jealous that he was taking away my time from her, which I only really realized when I was away from it.

    She has been a good mother me, though. I’m painting a terribly one-sided picture. I know she made sacrifices for me growing up. But it’s definitely a case of the lost/lives for her as well.

    #412986
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Thank you, and Happy New Year! May it be filled with endless positive possibilities for you and for all πŸ™‚

    #412945
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Thank you, Anita. You’ve given me a lot to think about and some hope πŸ™‚ Very thankful!

     

    #412933
    Lost1Flow
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Kudos to your bravery in making such a big move and change! That is inspiring.

    You are very right that perhaps all of this effort and lost/lives is in vain if the situation really is not improved with my presence anyway. I feel it must be helping in some way being a partial caregiver than not at all though… but at what cost, as you pointed out? I really wish there was some other alternative I have not thought of.

    In terms of health, my largest issue is chronic pain, which often leads to chronic fatigue due to lost sleep/insomnia. I’ve tried meditation, therapy, journaling, exercise, yoga, holistic meds, conventional meds. I really thought some of the former would also help open my mind to alternative solutions here.

    What processes/tools did you use to work through your personal challenges with moving and dealing with guilt? Perhaps there is something else I haven’t tried…

    Thank you πŸ™‚

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)