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Lou

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  • December 8, 2014 at 9:33 am #68915
    Lou
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    Hi, Moongal. It sounds as though you’re being really pro-active about this already! The volunteer work is a great idea, though don’t burn yourself out at the same time lol.

    Are there social groups at your university? Like, evening groups for people who share an interest to get together? Or could you start one? When meeting people who are interested in at least one mutual activity or topic I think you’re more likely to “click” and you don’t have to struggle for something to talk about.

    I’m sure you’ll get through it, you sound like a go-getting type of girl.

    Much luck! 🙂

    December 8, 2014 at 9:11 am #68914
    Lou
    Participant

    Hi, Kaitlin. Another self-criticiser here! Lol. I don’t know if you’ve tried imagining that you’re speaking to your inner child when that critical voice comes up in your head. It seems this comes from childhood for you as it does for so many others, so there’s still a bunch of memories that belong to your child self. Imagine you’re speaking to her. Would you be so critical of a little girl? I’m sure you’d want to nurture and protect her, make her feel safe. But that is who you’re speaking to when your critical inner voice switches on – that little girl who got so used to being criticised that she took over the job from her mother and started doing it herself.

    As for who you are – the fact that you’re worried about being a good person shows that you have a strong inner moral compass. You’re not going to turn into a horrible person just because you stop being critical of yourself. You’ll eventually – once you manage to quieten the inner critic – become a happier, more confident version of the lovely person you are now. I have a couple of suggestions just of things that have helped me – Faster EFT (you’ll find loads of youtube videos on this for free), and Maxwell Maltz’s Psycho Cybernetics, which helps to improve self image, and identify false beliefs that are damaging your self image at the moment. I hope they resonate with you as much as they did for me.

    Much luck!

    December 8, 2014 at 8:43 am #68913
    Lou
    Participant

    Hi, Kim. I have to call a spade a spade here, and say that he sounds as though he has been extremely selfish in his treatment of you. It actually sounds like he’s a narcissist to be honest. You’re the only one who gets to choose how people treat you, and if you’re willing to be his “trampoline” to come back to again and again, your whole life with him is going to be confusing like this. I’m really sorry to perhaps be the first person to say this to you, but he’s being abusive. He’s not being respectful of your feelings, and he feels that no matter how badly he treats you, he’ll always be able to come back and you’ll be there. I’ve seen the pattern so many times (I had an abusive family growing up, and was in a group of men and women who had abusive partners). His behaviour fits the pattern of abuse – it isn’t always physical, and psychological abuse can cause more harm than physical can.I’d like to add that emotional and psychological cheating is still cheating.

    Imagine bringing children into this situation. Children won’t make him stay if he has that type of personality. It’s up to you what you decide to do, but you sound like a lovely person and you could have a partner in your life who respects you and really loves and commits to you, instead of this man who yo-yo’s between you and these other women.

    Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck.

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